A Run from the Devil in the Pale Moonlight
by Little Green Lawn Gnome
Summary: Willow helps Spike grow up. Slightly AU. Lots of cute fluff!
1. Default Chapter

Title: A Run from the Devil in the Pale Moonlight  
  
Author: Little Green Lawn Gnome  
  
Rating: PG-13 on the cusp of R (language)  
  
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive. I just want to know where it's going.  
  
Disclaimer: I just take them out of the studio to play around with 'em a little bit. I own nothing. I make no money. I am a poor college student. HAVE MERCY, JOSS!  
  
Summary: Spike learns to grow up and be a friend with the help of our favorite red head! Oh, and there's some 'Little Mermaid' brand love involved.  
  
Spoilers: S4 of Buffy somewhere around "The Initiative" and Angel S1.  
  
Feedback: Any is appreciated. Flames will be used to heat my dorm room this winter, but they make me laugh so go for it. See if you can point out flaws. (typos don't count) I already know I'm a damn good writer.  
  
AN: ::wipes sweat from brow and pulls last page from typewriter:: Whew! I finally finished this fucker. Only took me seven months so I hope you all enjoy! I know this is slightly AU, and I don't really mention what happens to the rest of the gang through s4, but you know that already so just deal. I'm thinking of writing a sequel so if you want one let me know! Thanx Fayth for beta-ing! I'll give a cookie to anyone who can name the song and artist of the part titles, and a really big cookie to anyone who can tell me what line in what movie inspired the title of the fic. 


	2. I've Been Afraid of Changing

A Run from the Devil in the Pale Moonlight  
  
Part One: I've Been Afraid of Changing  
  
One minute she is studying Gaelic, the next Willow is running to the bathroom hoping to reach the toilet before her breakfast comes up. Hand clamped over mouth, she bursts through the door thanking the goddess that whoever had been there last had left the toilet seat up. Within seconds of kneeling before the porcelain god, bits of cheerios start to come up.  
  
"Sight of Slutty and Chubs finally get you sick?"  
  
"Not now, Spike. Please, I feel awful."  
  
Her green eyes bore deep into his blue as she begs for understanding and a break from the teasing. He shifts, uncomfortable under her gaze. He moves as much as he can shackled to the tub and reaches out to hold back her hair as the last bits in her stomach come up. Willow closes her eyes as he also starts to rub her back. The minuscule comfort is not unexpected but still much needed. Once finished, Spike grabs a tissue and hands it to her. She wipes her mouth off then lays herself down to the floor, pressing her fevered forehead to the cool tiles. She breathes slow and deep trying to concentrate on the blissful feeling one experiences after emptying her stomach of any sickening matter.  
  
"Pet, you gonna be ok? Should I have Slutty run to get flu medicine?"  
  
She turns her head to look up at a concerned face. She blinks and shakes her head then returns her forehead to the floor. Twice now; she's been sick two days this week. Twice too many for a person with a strong immune system.  
  
"Red, do you need medicine?"  
  
Concern is laced through his words.  
  
"Do I look deathly ill?"  
  
He raises an eyebrow. The subtle hint is not lost on him.  
  
"No, Luv, just like you're sick with the flu."  
  
"Then no medicine. I'll be fine in a few days. I'll take some R&R. I need to get back to my homework though. I'm sure you're hungry. I'll be back with some blood."  
  
As she speaks, Willow raises herself to sit on her legs takes a deep sigh then raises completely, exiting before Spike can put in a protest.  
  
"What you need, Pet, is someone to take care of you."  
  
Settling back into a quasi-comfortable position, Spike waits for her to come back so he can convince her to take a few days to herself.  
  
})i({  
  
William walked into his father's study. A man with curly light brown hair looks up from where his face had been in his hands. Dark circles mar his countenance. Tears shine brightly in his eyes.  
  
"Daddy?"  
  
"Come 'ere, son."  
  
The little boy of ten waddles to his father's side, where he is picked up and placed in the man's lap. One hand goes to comb through his son's hair; the other is placed securely around his son's waist. Father looks to son and is again taken aback by how much the young boy looks like his parents. The pronounced cheek bones, unruly brown hair, and the slim stature mirror his own. But the ethereal blue eyes are all his mother's. The little boy just looks up into his father's face to ask the one question that has been bugging him for a week.  
  
"Is Mummy going to be ok?"  
  
Every bit of vulnerability is in that question. Every fear William has ever had and will have is summed up in that question. Will he lose someone he loves?  
  
"Your mummy is going to be fine. She's got a week 'eart, William. We just need to take good care of 'er from now on, and she'll be fine. Can you help me take care of 'er?"  
  
William nods emphatically.  
  
"Then why were you crying?"  
  
His father sighs deeply, unsure as to how to proceed. He loves his son and needs to share this lesson with him but wonders if it is too soon. Can a ten year old handle what his father is about to tell him?  
  
"I love your mother more than my life, William. She is in essence my soul. Men of my station usually marry women; they do not love them. I broke the mold. And I 'ope one day you will, too. It's a beautiful thing to love a woman to the point where you would give your life for 'er. It's also scary when you might lose 'er. I'm still scared I might lose your mother. So I cried because I am relieved she is still with us, but I also cried because I know one day I might lose 'er."  
  
William nods trying to wrap his mind around what his father is saying, and then tears well in his eyes. He brushes them away trying not to let his father see.  
  
"I love Mummy, too. I would be sad if she were gone, too."  
  
Then the tears really start to fall. Big hiccupping sobs escape his lips. He buries his head in his father's chest. The man reaches his arms around his son and pulls him in tightly.  
  
"I know son. Just remember it's ok to cry, and it's ok to love. Giving yourself over to love will not make you any less of a man, but love actually shows your true character. And my son, it is in your character to love this way."  
  
The son nods under his father's chin. He does not quite understand his father's words now, but he will.  
  
})i({  
  
Sitting on Buffy's bed, Spike looks over at Willow. He meets her eyes then turns his face back to the floor. He looks up again then turns back to the floor. Willow glances at Spike's face then glances from the window to the door. From the door she glances back at Spike then to the window and back to the door.  
  
"So you can't bite anymore?"  
  
"Guess not, Pet. Your powers of observation astound me."  
  
"Well, if you're going to be like that."  
  
They go back to staring at everything but each other.  
  
"How do you think it happened?"  
  
"Damn pillocks in the white coats I suppose."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"The pillocks that hit me with a stun gun, dragged me off, then stuck me in an underground vault. They probably work for the slayer. Don't tell me you don't know anything about her pet project."  
  
Willow scrunches up her face in disgust.  
  
"I wonder if they're associated with the commando guys Buffy keeps running into." Spike raises one scarred eyebrow in interest.  
  
"Maybe if you give her information, Buffy won't stake you. She might even give you blood if you're nice enough."  
  
Again Spike raises his scarred eyebrow. Then the lights go out, and men in night vision goggles start streaming through the hallway.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow walks into the bathroom with an 'I'm over thirty hear me roar' mug with warm blood. Spike takes the proffered mug and opens his mouth.  
  
"Thirty seconds on warm then forty seconds on high. I know."  
  
Spike smiles as Willow answers his unspoken question.  
  
"Perfect, Luv."  
  
"It should be. I would think by now you would trust that I've gotten it down to an art."  
  
Willow sits heavily on the now down toilet seat. Head in hands, she takes deep steadying breaths.  
  
"Pet, you need more than a little R&R to get over the flu. You need a vacation; someone to take care of you. You just need to stop going so fast: school, slaying, research, magick. A doctor wouldn't hurt either."  
  
Willow doesn't look up from her hands. Spike places a hand on her back trying to get her to respond.  
  
"Have you ever wondered why you get 'a' cold, but you get 'the' flu? Is the flu so much worse than a cold that it deserves the definite article?"  
  
"Red."  
  
She looks up from her hands. Taken aback by how pale her face looks with a deep flush on her cheeks, he reaches out to place a hand on her forehead. Willow sighs when his cool hand comes in contact with her fevered skin comforted that at least something can take away the heat. "You've got a fever; you really should be in bed, Red."  
  
"Oh, I'm alright. The nausea and the fever usually dissipate by the afternoon, but a nap would be nice."  
  
"How long have you been feeling sick?"  
  
"Just this week. This is only the second time I've thrown up though. Really, Spike, I'll be fine ok?"  
  
Removing his hand from her forehead, he takes her hand and squeezes it reassuringly.  
  
"I'm sure you will but tell the slayer so she can watch out for you. And doctors really do help."  
  
With a nod of the head and a peeved look, Willow squeezes back and walks out of the bathroom once again leaving Spike with himself and his mind.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow, hand on forehead, other hand on stomach, walks back to her chair. She sits back down in front of her book but is unable to concentrate on any of the material. She really should just go back to the dorm and get a nap; leave Spike and the research to Giles so she could be up to par for her school work. Gaelic, however necessary for her continuing researching abilities, is not an easy language to learn. While deep in contemplation, Giles walks into the room with a book in hand.  
  
"Willow, I think you should go back to the dorm."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Willow, I heard you being sick, and research or homework is not worth your poor health."  
  
He gives her what he hopes to be a reassuring grin. She takes the hint and starts to pack up her things.  
  
"I should be feeling better later on today so if I can I'll be back after my afternoon class."  
  
"Don't worry about it too much, Willow. Things are pretty quiet right now."  
  
"Famous last words. Bye!"  
  
And with that Giles watches her walk out the door into the bright sunshine to go take a nap. He closes the door then goes back inside. He then retrieves a bag of blood to take to Spike. Giles opens the bathroom door then throws the bag inside.  
  
"'ey, Ripper! Watch it! At least the witch is nice enough to warm it up!"  
  
"I have neither the time nor the patience that girl has, nor come to think of it, the forgiving spirit. Be thankful you have at least her on your side."  
  
"Ya, speaking of the witch, she already fed me!"  
  
With a snarl, Spike throws the bag of blood back to Giles who adeptly catches it. He then furrows his brow.  
  
"You think Willow is on my side?"  
  
"I think we've all changed, or you wouldn't be asking me that question. Maybe you should think about that."  
  
Just before Giles closes the door Spike adds the last word.  
  
"Willow has three heart beats. Maybe *you* should think about *that*."  
  
Giles stares for a moment as his words and the implication thereof sinks in. He starts to open his mouth, but Spike stops him by raising three fingers. Seeing there will be no further discussion, Spike humphs as Giles closes the door. Each of them really did have too much to think about lately.  
  
})i({  
  
Buffy, Xander, Anya, and Giles are in the kitchen cleaning up from last night's Thanksgiving meal. Willow in an attempt to get out of dish duty takes blood to Spike in the bathroom where he is chained to the tub.  
  
"I don't see why they just can't lock you up. Chaining is so inhumane."  
  
"Not a human, Witch. Still on the Thanksgiving-we-need-to-be-fair-to- everyone-who-tries-to-kill-us-kick?"  
  
"Oh oops. You.you weren't sup.supposed to h.h.hear that."  
  
Willow's customary flush starts to creep up her neck to face as she stutters a reply.  
  
"Well, I did. Now stop standing there and give me my blood."  
  
At his terse words, she gets over her embarrassment.  
  
"You know, I do believe that. You shouldn't be locked in a bath tub."  
  
"Don't care what you believe, you dumb chit. GIVE ME MY BLOOD!"  
  
Pouring the mug all over his head and clothes, Willow gives him his blood.  
  
"I believe people/vampires/demons/ anyone walking this earth can change when given extreme circumstances or even in normal circumstances. It is how the world works-it turns and returns; things change; beings grow. You will be a frightened child all of your existence."  
  
She turns and walks out the door as Spike is reduced to trying to lick the blood off of his shirt and hands, grumbling the whole time about bloody witches and the first one to suffer when he got his bite back.  
  
})i({  
  
The coffin is lowed into the ground. William picks up the ceremonial first bit of dirt and throws it in. His mother follows. Then his three sisters. Four women he now has to take care of. He looks to the sky, perfect, blue, and sunny. Silently, he asks his father's help. He looks back at the mourners as they start to dissipate. He and his family stay. Right now they need to be together with their father and husband, the man that meant the world to them all. Now, the world is crumbling around them with only William to hold it up.  
  
"He once told me it was in our natures to love this way: the complete all- consuming love one loses oneself in. Mother, I know he loves you more than life itself. To us, his children he is completely devoted. Together, we can make it through. Together, I will be strong for you."  
  
Then the tears start, but not just his mother and sisters'. William too cries. He remembers that lesson well. He is allowed to cry. His father once told him so. William may not still completely understand the rest of his father's lessons, but he knows one day he will.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow returns to Giles's apartment later in the day refreshed from her nap and feeling better. Placing her books on the table, she calls out to anyone in the apartment trying to gauge the situation. No one responds.  
  
"He must be out."  
  
She grabs a glass of water from the kitchen then moves to the bathroom. Once through the door she finds Spike deep within himself. In a trance, he doesn't even notice her come in. In front of his face, she snaps once, twice, and on the third time he comes out of it.  
  
"'lo, Red. Feeling better?"  
  
"Much, thank you. It just seems like in the morning does my stomach wanna do the up-chuck thing."  
  
"I still think you need to see a doctor, Pet. Or maybe a vacation. You're running yourself into the ground. You spend way too much time here being the slayer's lap dog and then trying to complete your homework. The doctor would tell you the same. You need to stop making your body do it all on its own. Rest and get medical attention."  
  
"I like helping. Really Spike, it's ok. And no doctors. I've been in the hospital enough in my short life. But I've got news I think you're gonna like."  
  
Spike cocks his head to the side waiting for her to continue choosing to ignore her obvious change of topic.  
  
"I've almost got Giles and Buffy convinced that you can be out on your own; that you don't need to be vamp-sat anymore."  
  
He sighs deeply. Willow misses his obvious disappointment.  
  
"As much as I hate this bleeding tub, Luv, where else do I have to go really?"  
  
"We could find you an apartment. Spike, you really need a change of scenery."  
  
"Maybe. Get yourself better first before you start WWIII with Slutty."  
  
She slaps him upside the head.  
  
"Stop calling her that. And for the last time, I'm fine!"  
  
"So says the girl that throws up in the morning. Doctors really aren't all that bad."  
  
"What's the sudden urge to get me to see someone? Is there a doctor in town you know of that gives you bonuses for referrals?"  
  
Spike growls.  
  
"No."  
  
"Then drop it. I know my body. I'll be fine."  
  
She exits the bathroom, leaving the door ajar, to return to her Gaelic book.  
  
Giles having just woken up from a nap walks into the bathroom.  
  
"Don't tell her."  
  
Spike sighs.  
  
"I don't plan on it. That's why you need to get the daft chit to the doctor."  
  
"I *don't* think it's a good idea to call your only friend a 'daft chit'."  
  
"Whatever, Ripper."  
  
"What are you intentions towards Willow?"  
  
Confusion crosses Spike's face. Conversations just shouldn't move this quickly.  
  
"She is your only friend, and you can't deny me that anymore. What are you going to do when she finds out? And what are you going to do when I let you out of this ruddy tub?"  
  
Spike sits there speechless. He turns his head trying to see through the plaster and wood that conceals the red head from him.  
  
})i({  
  
He could hear them in the kitchen. Willow is fighting with Buffy over a chore. Warming blood. For him. Pouring it in a mug. For him. Bringing blood. To him.  
  
"I may have a big heart, Buffy, but I in no way am willing to beat my head against a brick wall. I tried once to be civil, but now I realize he doesn't even deserve that. Just throw a bag at him for all I care. It's more than he deserves."  
  
Spike winces in the bathtub.  
  
"I bloody well mucked this up. The pillock would let me have cold blood for the rest of my existence."  
  
He ignored the other voice whispering in his head.  
  
"Willow, listen to me. He gave me info in return I promised warm blood. If I don't keep my word then I'm no better than the fiend in the bathroom. I am better than him."  
  
"You are, Buffy. But it's your deal, and you should take the blood to him."  
  
Willow shoves the mug at Buffy then stalks out of the kitchen to sit down on the couch and pout.  
  
"Remember me trying to be civil; nice even, but no more do I wanna see the big bad. Let him stew in his own big bathtub of juices."  
  
Spike looks down at his cramped legs and around to the sanitary white of his living quarters. He has not been outside them for days; not sure how many. He lost count quite a few hours ago.  
  
"Big my arse."  
  
Buffy puts down the mug on the table and sits next to her best friend. She quiets her voice, and the blond in the tub can no longer clearly hear them.  
  
"Wills, I'm worried bout you. I don't know how to help you with the Oz- thing. I want to help you so much. I thought maybe Spike could be a pet project. Ya know, tame the wild beast and all that?"  
  
Willow looks up into her best friend's eyes.  
  
"I know you want to help. It makes my heart feel good to know that you care but is spending time with the bleached wonder good for anyone?"  
  
"I really don't know, but like you said you have a big heart, and he's not so much a brick wall anymore. Maybe you can help him grow up?"  
  
Willow raises an eyebrow.  
  
"That vampire has the largest Peter Pan complex I've ever seen. It's worse than Xander's. But why? Why do you care so suddenly about Spike, Mr. I've- tried-to-kill-you-multiple-times-in-devious-ways. And he still is a brick wall. It's been barely 72 hours since he showed up. People change but not *that* quick."  
  
"Cuz, Wills, he's caged; he's chained. I dunno somewhere deep down in me I want to believe he can change-that we all can change and recover from the descent into evil. I need to believe that in extreme circumstances we can all become a better version of ourselves despite what we are and where we have come from. If we can't change, if he can't change, then why am I fighting? Why do I risk my life, if I can't believe that people and even vampires can change? That the world will get better?"  
  
Willow sighs.  
  
"Can't you do the save-his-soul-even-though-he-doesn't-have-one thing?"  
  
"You're way more patient. And I think maybe deep somewhere in him he still does have his soul. We already know he's not like other vamps-he did love Dru for about one hundred years."  
  
"Wouldn't it be easier if we just gave him back his soul, instead of trying to dig it up from the recesses of places I'm not sure even Angelus would wanna go?"  
  
"I don't wanna do it that way, Wills. I want to see if a demon really does have good or if they're all bad. I wanna see if they truly lose their souls or if I'm right."  
  
"So this is more of a research project?"  
  
Willow shifts in her seat, starting to gesture with her hands.  
  
"Sure, Wills, if that makes it bearable for you, make it a research project, and you can do lots of testing on him!"  
  
"OH! OH! Can I make little folders and get color coded pens and be all scientific like?" Both girls giggle. Willow continues to gesture.  
  
"Alright. I'll give him a week. If he doesn't show some improvement in a week then we're done. He's hopeless. And we throw him to the proverbial wolves."  
  
"Deal, Wills. Think of this as your next great project. A way to find the inner self after Oz."  
  
"Ya, it'll at least get my mind off of the whole boyfriend leaving thing."  
  
Buffy reaches out to pull the red head into her arms as she starts to sob. As Willow's sobs turn into hiccups and the water works is turned on, Spike's ears perk up. He can hear the girls again. In the next hour, while his blood grew cold, as Willow pours her heart out to her best friend, and unknowingly Spike, an infinitesimal piece of the ice around his heart falls off.  
  
})i({  
  
"William?"  
  
"Yes, Mum?"  
  
William looks up from his breakfast and his paper to his mother sitting across the table from him.  
  
"You did a wonderful job with Celia's wedding. Now when are you going to plan your own?"  
  
William groans.  
  
"Mother, you know very well I had to get those three married before I could run off and marry myself. It's been a week. I'm still young, desirable, and dashing."  
  
He winks at his mother.  
  
"Twenty-five, dear. You're twenty-five. Most of your friends are married, settled down, leaving their elderly mothers to themselves."  
  
This time Eve winks at her son.  
  
"Mum, I just haven't found her yet. Give it time; in the end I'm sure we'll find each other."  
  
His mother's eyes start to take on a devilish gleam.  
  
"Doesn't mean I can't help things a bit. Your father and I had a little help finding each other."  
  
William eyes dart back down to his paper. Shoulders slumped in defeat, he takes a deep breath to speak.  
  
"I'm just starting to figure out all of the things Father tried to teach me all those years ago, things about being a man, loving people, being myself. I have nothing yet to offer a lady, and I'm not marrying one until I do no matter how pushy you get."  
  
She gently reaches over and takes her son's hand, giving it a squeeze.  
  
"You have lots to offer, my son, and I know you'll find everything you're looking for. I just would like to help so it's sooner rather than later. I just want to see you happy, is all. You can't be happy forever looking after an old coot."  
  
She opens her smile wide to reassure her son, but holds up a hand to stop his protests.  
  
"Alright, Mother."  
  
})i({  
  
Willow surveys herself once again. Her usual sneaker clad feet stare back at her, but in an effort to feel more researcher-like, she had gone shopping. She bought a deep blue skirt-suit complete with womanly-cut blouse.  
  
"Darn tootin'. I need to look grown-up. I just don't need the uncomfortable shoes part."  
  
She also has a binder with color-coded tabs and labels such as 'Spike's Reactions', 'Spike's Vampire History', 'Spike's Human History', 'Spike's Likes/Dislikes", etc; complete with questionnaires and room for notes in each section. The plan she came up with was to find out as much as possible about him then move him into rehabilitation.  
  
"And if a friendship evolves so be it. If he really is good, I could always use more friends. Friends that don't bite or demean or make you fall in love with them, then cheat on you, leave, and break your heart."  
  
She quickly wipes away the tear coming from the corner of her eye. She glances upward to her hair that she twisted into a very becoming bun at the base of her neck. To top off the ensemble she bought a pair of fake glasses to make her look more sophisticated. Despite the sneakers, she looks ready to take on a board of directors or a bored vampire.  
  
"Here we go."  
  
With one swift calming breath, she reaches for the door knob and enters the bathroom. Upon hearing her entering, Spike looks up expectantly.  
  
"Oh, it's just you, Witch. And no blood." He starts to pout.  
  
"I would appreciate it if you would call me Willow, thank you very much."  
  
That's when Spike stops glancing and really looks at Willow.  
  
"When did your eye sight go bad, you bint?"  
  
"None of your business."  
  
"Or start dressing like you're older than ten?"  
  
"Again, my business not yours."  
  
"Or learn to put up your hair?"  
  
"Ok, Spike, enough with the twenty questions. We're not here to talk about me; we're here to talk about you. So let's focus."  
  
Spike snorts. Willow grabs a towel from a clean stack on the counter and places it atop the toilet seat lid. She sits daintily down crosses her legs, uncaps her pen, opens her notebook, and turns to peer over her glasses at the captive in the tub.  
  
"So Spike, tell me about you. I want to know all about William the Bloody."  
  
With her pen poised and ready, eager grin on her face, Spike can't help but burst out in hysterical laughter.  
  
"Thanks, Pet, I haven't had a laugh that good in ages. Now you've had your fun you can just go get me my blood."  
  
"Nope, don't think so. You and I are going to have a good old fashioned heart to heart. Seriously, Spike, you're going to be stuck in this tub for a long time probably-until either you are dust or Buffy and Giles can trust you. Which I have a feeling is a long way off due to your stubbornness and immaturity and the fact that you're a nemesis who sucks lots of blood from the living people whom Buffy is meant to save. What else are you going to do to pass the time?"  
  
Babbling always equals a nervous red head so Willow turns to tapping her pen to relieve her tension before she keeps talking and embarrassing herself. Seconds tick by.  
  
"I'm not leaving until you talk."  
  
"Well, I'm not talking until I get blood."  
  
"Well, you're not getting your blood until you talk."  
  
"Bloody hell, Witch."  
  
Willow giggles.  
  
"What now, you git."  
  
"Have you ever heard.the irony in your diction? You drink blood. you're favorite.you're favorite.curse includes.bl.blood."  
  
Willow is frantically using her hands to convey the meaning of her point to Spike, while laughing so hard she can't really speak. Her pen dropped and forgotten on the floor along side her binder, Willow does everything she can to stop her outburst and remain dignified.  
  
"Sod off. I'm not *BLOODY* talking so you can just *BLOODY* sit there forever for all I *BLOODY* well care."  
  
Willow immediately sobers atop her precarious perch on the toilet. She picks up her lost articles on the floor, places them atop the counter near the towels, and then exits the room. A very satisfied smirk plays on Spike's face. It falls immediately as she re-enters the room book in hand. Without so much as a peep, she opens to her bookmark and begins to read. Spike's face continues to fall dangerously low; so low that in fact it might hit his manacled hands. Growling and mumbling, he shifts in the tub to regain some semblance of a comfortable position. Willow doesn't so much as blink from her book; her eyes dart and her lips make slight movements as she reads the words. After about two hours of Spike shifting and throwing darts at her with his eyes and Willow reading, she stands, marks her page, and gathers her things.  
  
"Same time; same place tomorrow?"  
  
There is no real question in her statement.  
  
"Bloody well hope not."  
  
But Willow does not acknowledge his ironic statement as she walks out the door. He just stares longingly at the shut door.  
  
})i({  
  
"What are you intentions towards Willow?"  
  
"Bloody hell, I don't know. I've done a lot of thinking in this tub and let me tell you it hurts. I know she's my friend-the only one of this ruddy group that sticks up for me. I want; I need to be there for her-return the favor. Can the rest of you let me?"  
  
Giles regards Spike suspiciously.  
  
"I won't pretend to like you Spike, nor will I pretend to trust you. What is important though, is that Willow trusts you. You will have to wait for her to decide what role you will play in her life."  
  
He holds up a hand to stop Spike's opening mouth. In a characteristic move to calm his nerves, Giles removes his glasses and starts to clean them.  
  
"I am going to let you out though. Later once I talk to Buffy. I'm sick of you in my house, and the one thing I'm sure of is that you.um.don't chase the other puppies anymore."  
  
Once Giles is finished, the blond can no longer find his voice anymore.  
  
"But this is your only chance. Screw this up and you will be dust."  
  
Turning abruptly, Giles leaves to check on Willow in the living room before she becomes suspicious. Defeated in the tub, Spike is once again left to his thoughts.  
  
})i({  
  
Spike rolls his eyes as Willow enters in yet another of her business suits for the fifth day in a row. While she is still feeding him despite his lack of information, she does still sit in the bathroom for two hours reading her book and waiting for him to talk.  
  
She sits down and opens the book. A plain expression covers her face; there is no sign of frustration, anger, or spite. The vampire shakes his head and mumbles something along the line of "extreme patience" under his breath. Then his thoughts turn pensive. He has a chance-one that has never been given before, but he desperately needs. Indecision plagues his mind and heart. Who is he? What does he want to be come in light of the recent developments? What is he brave enough to take? A heartbeat later, he makes his decision. It's time to take chances.  
  
"My father died when I was eighteen."  
  
Willow's head snaps up from her book, and she quickly places a bookmark in it. Reaching over for her pen and binder, the pain and uncertainty in Spike's voice stop her. This is about listening, Willow realizes. One small step forward for Spike she can't degrade with science. She raises her hand to pat his, reassuring him to go on.  
  
Falling back on old habits, the blond takes a breath to steady himself. Both shift to become comfortable. Then he commences the tale of his father's death and burial. As Willow's emotions play on her face, another piece of ice falls from the wall around his heart.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow writes "black t-shirts" on the box in front of her then re-caps the permanent marker.  
  
"Are there anymore?"  
  
"Nope, I think these boxes are it, Red."  
  
"Hmmm.you don't have much do you?"  
  
"Not really, I guess some shopping's in order don't you, Luv?"  
  
Willow surveys the three cardboard boxes in front of her. It had taken her only a few minutes to convince Giles to let Spike out. The rapidity of his decision probably had more to do with the fact that he had already decided to let him out, rather than Willow's well thought out speech. Now they are packing up the little bit he had stashed in his lair, ready to move to his new apartment in town. He had found one almost immediately after her was unshackled and was now, a few days later, ready to move in. Her face lights up at the proposed shopping trip.  
  
"I guess we'll have to brave some furniture stores so you don't have to eat, sit, and sleep on the floor. Oh! OH! And we can visit an electronics store to get you a sound and entertainment system."  
  
Willow bounces on her toes as a myriad of ideas flash before her eyes.  
  
"Settle down, Pet. We'll go when you're feeling better. Don't you have a doctor's appointment anyway to head to?"  
  
The bouncing stops, and her face falls to a scowl.  
  
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this. I feel fine now. It's just in the morning so something must be off about my eating schedule or my sleeping schedule. I've heard that can make you sick. Maybe it's just like you said. Maybe, I just need to slow down."  
  
During her tirade, Willow starts to shift from foot to foot and fidgets her hands. Spike quickly grabs her hands to calm her so she'll listen.  
  
"Doctor's aren't all that bad. You don't even have to go to the hospital. Just a quick check-up and then home. Just keep telling yourself it's for your own good, and you'll feel better. In fact I've heard modern medicine has come a long way from the blood-letting of my days. They can work miracles like blood transfusions now or so I'm told."  
  
Willow raises an eyebrow in doubt but sincerely takes comfort in the vampire's words. "Fine. Fine. You're right. I'll go be checked out like a good little girl. I need to get going now in fact."  
  
"I hear Giles coming anyway to pick you up. Come by the flat this evening for a toast and a christening?"  
  
Willow nods and picks up her bag right as Giles enters the dark lair.  
  
"Ready to go?"  
  
Another nod and Willow follows Giles out. Willow turns and throws one final thought over her shoulder.  
  
"Off to my doom!"  
  
Spike chuckles in return wryly, trying to ignore the foreshadowing in her words.  
  
})i({  
  
With a deep sigh, Willow replaces the phone in its cradle. Buffy and Xander will be over in minutes to talk and she has big news to spill, gigantic news, news that will change everything. She rises to stand in front of the mirror, hand moving to stroke her belly-news she doesn't even know how to deal with. Tears don't come however. She is strangely devoid of them in this stressful time.  
  
"When did life become so complicated?"  
  
The person in the mirror has no response for her, merely stares sympathetically with a hint of deep courage in her eyes.  
  
"I'm only nineteen, but I can do this. This is my responsibility. I know it can be joy, too. I've got friends to help me. I'm bright and resourceful. This can be the good out of his leaving."  
  
Despite the pep-talk, the woman in the mirror groans.  
  
"I've got to find Oz somehow to tell him."  
  
The doorbell rings just then though, and puttering down to the front door she opens it for her friends. Buffy with Xander in tow come in with anxious looks on their faces.  
  
"Wills, what's wrong?"  
  
"What's the emergency?"  
  
"Come in and sit down. I have something I need to tell you guys."  
  
The anguish deepens in both her friend's eyes as they all move to the couch to sit down. Before they can open their mouths to question her further, Willow starts.  
  
"I need you guys to hear me through first. Then questions, ok?"  
  
Two heads nod assent.  
  
"At Giles's and Spike's prompting, I went to the doctor today for the flu like symptoms I've been having for the past week. It took some prompting because you know I'm stubborn, but Spike finally got me there with a few threats and Giles helped with the well chosen words of wisdom that he's known for. And well I don't have the flu, so that's good. Ya know, no one likes to be sick and all. But I do have a life changing.ummm.well, I.um.I guess you could say.well.I'm pregnant."  
  
Shocked faces meet Willow's when she looks up from her hands. Xander moves his mouth to speak but can't. He looks rather like a fish breathing under water. Buffy, however, after the initial shock launches over to grab Willow in a bear hug. Once in her best friend's arms, Willow finally breaks down in heart-wrenching sobs.  
  
"Oz?"  
  
Willow simply nods at Buffy unable to speak anymore. Xander finally awakening out of his shock joins the bear hug, too. After a few minutes of unconditional comfort, Willow speaks up again.  
  
"Twins, too. I'm having twins. As in two. Thing One and Thing two. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to tell my parents. I need to find Oz. He has a right to know being the father and all. I thought making love to him was perfect but that was until I remembered the consequences. I never realized the consequences for loving someone would be so heavy. I forgot about the consequences. Me, caution-girl, Old Faithful, the one time I forget to think and consider and weigh the options."  
  
She breaks into new tears. Xander takes her fully into his arms and coos to her while Buffy takes her hands and starts to brush the hair from her face.  
  
"Willow, loving someone is beautiful, and yes this is heavy, but we'll help you through it whatever your choice is. We'll baby-sit, change diapers, and pick out clothes, whatever you need. You were there when my first love turned into a homicidal maniac. Babies I think are better than that."  
  
Willow smiles. Xander enthusiastically nods his head.  
  
"Ya, Wills, I always knew we'd raise our kids together. You just got a head start on us."  
  
"Exactly, that's all this is a head start! You always were the over- achiever. And remember you can have something beautiful and precious out of this. I got ugly and 'grrr' out of my first love."  
  
Willow widens her smile and squeezes Buffy's hands. There is no pain in Buffy's eyes just the need to soothe a friend's ache.  
  
"Thank you. I can't give up my babies that I know. I haven't told my parents, and until then I don't know what course I'm going to take. I want to stay in college, but I'm willing to put it off. I need to put my babies first."  
  
"What about Oz?"  
  
Willow considers Xander's question deeply.  
  
"I don't even really know where he is, but I have to tell him. He needs to be a part of his children's lives if that's his decision. I know I should force him to own up to his responsibility, but I can't make him do it. I won't have a half-focused father for my children. I'll just take his help in anyway possible."  
  
"I should beat him into it. He needs to take care of you now, Willow. This is half his responsibility just like yours. Just because you have the physical part doesn't mean his job here is done."  
  
"Right! Beating him would be good for what he did to our Willow."  
  
Willow shoots a reprimanding look at both the blond and the brunette.  
  
"No beating, not yet."  
  
Willow settles in between her best friends as they continue to discuss the newest twist in their lives.  
  
"Does Giles know?"  
  
"Yes, Xander, he was the one with me when I found out. It was good to have him with me. He's more our father than any of our own biological fathers have been for us."  
  
The other two teens nod in agreement.  
  
"Good, I'm glad he was there with you. I wish we could have been there, too. You won't be alone anymore with this. I hate to ask this though, what about Spike? Have you told him?"  
  
Eyebrows rise questioningly at the slayer.  
  
"Wills, we all know you two are tight. Don't worry about it. I knew the moment you stopped looking at him like a research project you were his friend. He can help you, too. It's not like he has a job or anything."  
  
"I was going over to his new apartment tonight anyway for a christening party so I'm going to tell him then."  
  
"You need our help? Want us to go with you?"  
  
The mother-to-be shakes her head at Xander.  
  
"No, I'll be fine on my own. But you guys can stay here until it's sunset, and we can think up crazy names and start planning all the stuff I'm going to need to do. You can walk me over too."  
  
"Of course! We can't risk the babies. And no more patrolling for you!"  
  
"Buffy, I'll be alright for a few more months. I can at least keep you company."  
  
Buffy gives her a look.  
  
"Alright, alright. Research only for me."  
  
While Willow crosses her fingers behind her back, both nod and smile at the way Willow has lightened the mood, taking heart in the strength Willow displays and the hope that everything will turn out alright.  
  
})i({  
  
"Try poetry, dear."  
  
She startles her son as she walks into the room.  
  
"Mum.?"  
  
"All these emotions I see on your face might look better on paper, my son. You might be able to verbalize better with a pen."  
  
"I don't know if I'm feeling anything yet, Mum. That's the problem."  
  
She reaches out to pat her son's cheek. He continues to sit dejectedly in the wing back chair-back slumped, head forward on chest, legs flopped on the ground before him, arms listlessly resting over the arms of the chair; he is the picture of the tormented mind.  
  
"Writing can help to sort out all those feelings running through your heart. This is the first time I've seen you this way and if this girl is anywhere near as special as your eyes tell me she is, then she's worth the effort."  
  
William sighs.  
  
"Alright, Mum. I'll try."  
  
As she walks out, William walks over to his writing desk and pulls out a few blank sheets. Picking up his fountain pen, he begins to pour out his heart onto the paper.  
  
})i({  
  
A petit, shy red head stares at William as he fawns over the gorgeous blond. Self consciously the red head reaches to feel her hair checking to make sure it's in place. It is, and her roaming hands return to her lap. Her eyes return to the gorgeous brown-haired male. The butterflies in her stomach flutter while her heart sighs. He doesn't notice her. He has eyes only for the blond.  
  
"I just can't help but stare though."  
  
There is an affinity between the two. She can feel it. He obviously cannot. It was there in the first moment they met, in the electricity she felt in his hesitant handshake. They may be mild acquaintances, but if he'd open his eyes, there could be so much more; there could be enough to finally allow him to understand, to save him from his future. Unprepared for love, beauty sidetracks him. For all the lessons he was taught, he is still not ready. He still does not understand. The red head thus continues to stare as he writes fervently on paper, all the while wishing he wrote to her. Green eyes momentarily cloud with pain as he looks up and past her to the subject of his poetry. In the back ground there is a wisp of conversation the shy girl catches.  
  
"Bloody awful poetry."  
  
"I like your poetry, William."  
  
But she is too quiet for anyone to hear. She watches as pain momentarily mars his flawless face when he too catches the topic of conversation. Then he rushes off after the blond female, and the red head is left to her thoughts. Ignored and despondent, the young beauty makes ready to leave. As she calls for her carriage, William rushes past her, eyes glistening, and stumbles out into the night. Her heart goes out to him. She whispers and silent prayer that whatever hurts will heal; that he would be safe. Her prayer goes unheard however, and so much longer must she wait.  
  
})i({  
  
A quick knock on the door brings Spike out of his kitchen.  
  
"Come on in, Red."  
  
He opens the door and ushers inside indicating for her to have a seat on the couch.  
  
"Spike! You never said you already had furniture. Naughty vampire leading poor shopping deprived girl on."  
  
From her seat on the couch she wags a finger at him. Spike raises his shoulders in an attempt to look contrite.  
  
"What can I say, Pet? I'm evil."  
  
He sits himself in the love seat across from her. He raises his arms in a gesture to show her his new pad.  
  
"Well, what do you think? And there is still a lot to buy, so don't worry you'll be entrusted with my gold card soon enough."  
  
Turning her head slowly, Willow absorbs the dark décor and sparse furnishings. Upon the second look, she realizes there is a lot less in the apartment than she first thought. What is there though, is just like his personality: dark with a splash of color. Mentally she starts to catalog all the things they need to buy. From his position, Spike waits with held breath for her approval.  
  
"I like. It suits you."  
  
Unconsciously, he releases his held breath. Now that the initial pleasantries are over Willow starts to fidget-hands in lap start twisting each other, eyes dart from heavily draped window to door to floor. Legs cross and uncross. Noticing instantaneously, the blonde's head perks up.  
  
"What's wrong, Red. Why with the fidgeting?"  
  
She looks up at him then looks down contemplation etched deeply in her features. Suddenly though, she starts to cry, and Spike is up and holding her in a second. He tenderly wipes the hair from her eyes. He rocks her back and forth as huge hiccupping sobs wrack her body.  
  
"Talk to me, Willow."  
  
Large, glistening eyes look up from his shoulder. Green lock with blue. Reluctance meets a knowing gaze.  
  
"I'm.pregnant.with.twins."  
  
She manages to finally get it out between sobs. The instant the words are out of her mouth, Spike draws her in closer. This is the moment he's been waiting for since he first recognized her triple heart beat for what it was. This is the time he can prove his worth to his best friend-give her all the love and support she deserves, be the person she has helped him to become. Willow acknowledges his comfort and allows him to draw her in closer. She needs this as much as he needs to give it. So they hold each other, one wishing to block out the troubles of the world; the other relishing in the other's power to protect her. Finally, the serene silence is broken.  
  
"I know, Luv. I've been able to hear their heartbeats for a few weeks now. When you started getting sick, I was convinced."  
  
Having taken the proffered tissue, Willow blows her nose before speaking.  
  
"Oh."  
  
No hint of anger or reproach tinges her softly spoken word.  
  
"Who's?"  
  
"Oz. Before he left."  
  
"How far along are you?"  
  
"A little over three months. The doctor says I should start showing soon due to my size. Twins aren't usually as healthy as single births and there are more risks. I need to be extra careful."  
  
He nods.  
  
"We'll make sure everything's fine. The doctors'll take care of everything."  
  
"I know. Here I went into this hoping to avoid the hospital and doctors, and I get thrown into seeing more of them."  
  
She sighs deeply, shakes then hangs her head.  
  
"Talk to me. Tell me what's buzzing around in your head."  
  
A cool finger taps against her forehead for emphasis. Without looking up or moving from her soothing position, Willow pours out her heart.  
  
"I don't know how to tell my parents. I don't know how I'm going to handle school and two babies. I know I can't drop out if we're going to have any kind of future. I don't know where my money is going to come from if my parents cut me off. I don't know where I am going to stay. I don't know how to raise children. Spike, I'm only nineteen. I'm still a kid myself. I'm having not only one baby but two. I feel like my life is over when it should be just beginning. Then I feel guilty because I know this can be something wonderful. I want to know why I can have children when hundreds of couples out there keep trying and can't. I don't know what Oz wants. I know I can't give up my babies. And werewolves! Oz is a werewolf. Will my babies be, too? I don't know what to do, and I don't know where to begin to fix it all. Everyone is going to be so helpful and supportive, but I still can't help but feel terribly alone. I always wanted to have children but when I had a husband to dote on me and a career to fall back on. Mostly though, I'm scared and confused."  
  
Her Olympic-sized babble ended abruptly with her body shrinking even further in on itself. Silently, Spike squeezed her hard; his now warm heart breaking for the young woman in his arms.  
  
"Give it a little time, Red. Once the shock wears off you'll be able to think clearly. We'll tell your parents and find Oz. We'll work it all out. You're not alone and even I'll help."  
  
He cautiously takes her chin into his hand and pulls her face up to meet his.  
  
"You're the best and only friend I've ever had, Willow. I promised myself, and now I promise you I'll do everything in my power to help you."  
  
"You sure you don't want my first born in payment?"  
  
"No, maybe just the chance to corrupt your first born."  
  
Willow giggles at her friend's attempt at humor then returns his embrace.  
  
"But, Pet, I've been thinking about it. If you need to, you can move in here with me. It's the reason I got a spacious flat to begin with. I can help with the babies seeing I'm in no other way employed. This can be your place to turn to if Oz and your parents abandon you."  
  
Totally unprepared for his offer, Willow bolts up to a sitting position. Her eyes bore into Spike's.  
  
"I don't know how to feel or how my friends will feel about William the Bloody being my babies's nursemaid. But I dunno, Spike. I would love to move in. Out of the house and all. Just let's see what happens and go from there."  
  
He nods his assent.  
  
"But I will bloody baby sit. Remember I had three younger sisters. I can change a mean diaper."  
  
"Yeah, when they were cloth, Old Man."  
  
Spike's brow furrow.  
  
"Maybe, I should brush up then."  
  
"Maybe, you should."  
  
Unexpectedly, Willow stands and takes another look around the new flat.  
  
"In all of this you forgot the ten cent tour!"  
  
"Well then, Milady, let me have the pleasure of escorting you around my humble abode." The apartment was the second floor of an abandoned warehouse that Spike now owned; the first floor being the garage and storage area. The large mostly open loft space above however is everything one could expect from the blond vampire. It was finished off in dark wood floors and dark wood walls which were bare for the moment waiting for Willow's touch. Any furniture was either again dark wood or black leather. The few throws were jewel tones. The kitchen done in stainless steel was small and off to the right of the hole in the floor that leads to the steps down to the front doorway. In the left back corner behind standing screens was his bed again done in black and again waiting for a Willowy touch. The bathroom as she guessed it was again black and desperately needed towels and the basic necessities. The only lights were either the many candles that littered the room for the few floor lamps. The scattered windows have dark drapes and the overhead lighting had been removed. In essence it was the perfect dark gothic getaway for any vampire.  
  
"And here you led us to believe you needed money."  
  
"One does not live with Angelus without learning how to plan for the future."  
  
"I really see where you need the shopping though. You men only think of the bare essentials."  
  
He simply shrugs.  
  
"I need more lamps and bookcases. All of my books are below in storage. I need stuff for the kitchen and bathroom too. I'm not good with this decorating stuff."  
  
She nods her head turning in one more perusal of his new living quarters. It was unmistakably the Spike she knew. Anyone else coming in might see it as a tad bit much, but she knew.  
  
"I accept the challenge. But now walk me home? Giles thought I should be in early tonight for safety."  
  
"Sure, Red."  
  
Spike links arms with Willow then guides her down the steps to the door. He turns around to lock up once they're out. While he secures his home, she looks down at their interlocked arms and frowns. She snatches his hand up to show him.  
  
"Time for more polish, Spikey."  
  
He turns her hands over in his.  
  
"You too, Red. You need fill-ins as well. We can do that next time you come over."  
  
Willow smiles big and bright. They start towards her house. Warmed simply by her company, a chunk from the ice wall encasing Spike's heart falls.  
  
})i({  
  
Spike sits in his porcelain bed focused on one thing. 3:05 blinks in neon green taunting him. He looks back to the ceiling and starts to count the cracks in the plaster. He looks back to the clock. It reads 3:08.  
  
"Bloody Hell! Eight days and already I'm looking forward to the bint coming. I need some good old fashioned entertainment before I go completely poofy. Maybe the bint would bleed for information."  
  
He draws his fingers up 'Mr. Burns' style and starts to tap them, evil thoughts swirling in his brain.  
  
"Excellent."  
  
Willow bursts in on his Simpsons impression and plops down on the toilet.  
  
"Tired, Witch? I could help out with that. A little blood letting to lead you into eternal sleep?"  
  
"Oh, do shut up if that's all you have to say. No one thinks you're scary. And you know I'm not going to take that seriously. I'm going to sit here for two hours then go. I'm not in the mood, and I'm not going to take it, cuz I may be too tired to get blood today."  
  
Willow grabs a tissue, blows her nose, but continues to sniffle. Spike looks her over appraisingly. Her hair is stringy and unwashed. Her eyes are puffy and red with dark circles underneath. Her clothes are wrinkled and dirty. She does not have to be here. She could have not come, but she did, and she's here.  
  
"You look like hell, Pet."  
  
"Thanks, Blondie. Way to make a girl feel special."  
  
Spike rolls his eyes at himself and gives up.  
  
"Tell me what's wrong, Pet. You know tit for twat. I've shared, now you can share."  
  
At the sincerity in his voice, her head shoots up to find the same sincerity and maybe even caring in his face. He does his best to put on a puppy dog face. He widens his eyes and sticks out his lip. Being out of practice however, he merely looks constipated. Touched by the display despite its frightening and disturbing qualities, Willow decides for better or for worse to spill her guts.  
  
"I haven't been doing laundry regularly lately. Can't bring myself to do much of anything lately. So I pulled out the first thing I could find to wear today, and it wasn't until I saw myself in a mirror in the bathroom near one of my classrooms that I realized I'm wearing one of Oz's old shirts. I couldn't change then though and had to wait until class was over for the day so I could get back to the dorm. And when I did, I really didn't have anything clean to wear so now I have a shirt that smells like Oz, feels like Oz, and I look like Oz. I still have to do laundry as well, and I really just don't have the energy to do it."  
  
The flood dams break, and tears pour from Willow's eyes. Spike shifts uncomfortably unsure as to how to help the blubbering girl. Eventually, he reaches out to pat her shoulder self- consciously. At the unexpected contact, Willow looks up. All she can do is give him a large toothy grin.  
  
"There, Luv, that wasn't so hard."  
  
"Thanks, Spike. I think."  
  
"No problem, Red."  
  
Placing her chin on one of her hands perched on her knee, Willow sighs.  
  
"So what do you want to talk about today?"  
  
The binder with the multi-colored tabs is gone along with the pen, outfit, and intelligent looking glasses. It's just a vampire and a witch sitting in a bathroom trying to have a conversation as if it was the most normal thing in the world.  
  
"You. Tell me about you. Tell me something you've never told anyone else."  
  
"Spike.I already shared. I told you about Oz."  
  
Willow uses her best motherly warning tone with the petulant vampire.  
  
"No, Pet. I've been spilling my guts like the poofy wanker for days now, and I think it's time that you share a little more, too. Oz was a good start."  
  
"Alright, I guess that is only fair. What would you like to know?"  
  
"Something not even the Slayer knows. Tell me something you're scared to let those other twits know about."  
  
The witch's face scrunches up in concentration and hesitation until a light bulb goes on in her head, and her face lights up.  
  
"I want to write."  
  
"So get a bloody pen then."  
  
She shakes her head in mock frustration.  
  
"No, I love writing. It's my secret passion-more so than fighting demons or even the computer. It's what I do when all of this becomes too much. I lock myself in the dorm and write. I would love to be an English major and spend my years as some penniless writer trying to bring truth and beauty into the world."  
  
Spike is shocked and doesn't wear it well on his face.  
  
"Why not do it then? Why not change majors and go for it?"  
  
"It would be too much of a shock; too much explaining to everyone. Not to mention a history major or mythology major would be more helpful with the slaying-makes me more affective research girl. And the computer engineering will keep me eating and supported."  
  
"Luv, when does your own happiness outweigh what duty you feel towards your friends?"  
  
Willow shrugs.  
  
})i({  
  
Standing far back from the main crowd, a red head stands under a willow tree. Hanky in hand, she tries to control her raging emotions. The wind brings her snippets of the service going on.  
  
"He was a talented man."  
  
"Beloved by many."  
  
"Devoted son and brother."  
  
"Many will mourn his loss."  
  
"From dust.to dust.we rise again from the ashes."  
  
He heart screams in protest at her silent loss. She cannot join the group mourning the graveside: she must stand alone-forever waiting. She shivers and almost hopes strong arms will encompass her, blocking out all that hurts her. How can she take comfort in the dead man she mourns? She never got to hear his voice address her. She never got to feel his hand grasp hers. She watched from afar while he watched someone else-forever waiting. She mourns the man he was, the man he was trying to become, and the man he could have been with her. The connection felt in life is not diminished in death. She can still sense him. He is always a part of her whether he knew it or not. She watches his mother bowed over in grief and three struggling sisters try to comfort her. He was more than just the world to her; he meant the world to so many others, too.  
  
"I miss you, William. I will always miss you. I'll find you one day."  
  
She offers her words to fate strung on the wind with hope. One day, she feels it, her waiting will be over. It is all in the timing.  
  
})i({  
  
"Devon?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
A groggy, half-asleep voice greets the almost frantic Willow.  
  
"Devon, goddess, I thought I'd never get a hold of you."  
  
"Willow?"  
  
"Uh huh, Devon, it's me. I need a huge favor. You need to get a hold of Oz for me. I need to see him. No matter what."  
  
By this point, Devon is fully away and sitting on the edge of his motel bed.  
  
"What is it, Willow?"  
  
"I just need him ok? I don't want him to hear about it through you. Just tell him to get a hold of me at least, but it would be better if he just came home for a few days. It's really important."  
  
"Alright. I'll find him. This better be good."  
  
"Oh, it is."  
  
Then she hung up the phone just as her mother walks into the room.  
  
"You wanted to talk to your father and me?"  
  
Taking a deep calming breath, Willow nods and follows her mother down to the family room to her doom.  
  
})i({  
  
"Three bloody weeks and this is the first time she's late. Gets me all used to her coming and spilling my ruddy guts then is late. Probably doing something for the Slayer instead of sitting with me. Stupid wench."  
  
Just then the slight noise of the front door opening and quick steps to the bathroom are heard. Within seconds, a heaving Willow bursts through the door a hand held to a pair of burning lungs. She collapses on the toilet seat and takes a few deep breaths before speaking.  
  
"Class.ra.ran.late.so.sor.sorry."  
  
Willow continues to suck in air in large quantities trying to regain her breath. He other hand moves to the stitch in her side and starts to massage her screaming muscles.  
  
"Ran all the way here.bad for muscles.burning lactic acid.causes cramps.need to replenish oxygen.muscles burn oxygen."  
  
"Leave it to you, Red, to be scientific when you're in pain."  
  
"You know.just.in.case you're.ever on.jeap.Jeapordy."  
  
He laughs at her. She puts her head down between her knees to help catch her breath. After a few minutes her deep panting slows down, and she looks up with a Cheshire cat grin. Holding up one finger to indicate for him to wait a moment, she dives into her over-the-shoulder bag to dig something out. Seconds later her hand emerges clenched tightly around something he cannot see. She subsequently commences bouncing on her seat in anticipation.  
  
"I have a surprise for you!"  
  
"Then bloody well give it to me and save the song and dance routine."  
  
She scrunches up her face as if contemplating something then looks back to him. With the utmost patience and care she one by one unclasps her fingers. By the time she gets to her middle finger, Spike is doing his best not to rip her hand open. Finally, Willow's pinky unfurls and a bottle of black nail polish is dropped into Spike's outstretched hands. The surprised look on his face indicates this was not what he was hoping for. He stares blankly at it for a moment almost as if he's unsure as how to go about using it.  
  
"Red? Why in the bloody hell did you give me nail polish?"  
  
She picks up one of his hands shoving his nails underneath his eyes.  
  
"Because your nails, my dear vampire, are in a disreputable state. Today, I thought, we could repair them."  
  
Proceeding then to also take out cotton balls and nail polish remover, Willow raises her eyebrows in permission. Spike looks to the nail polish in his lap to the supplies in her hands then back to Willow's beseeching face. Between the puppy dog eyes and her pouty lip, Spike couldn't deny her a thing, even if she was an hour late. He offered his nails up to the fashion gods. Willow squealed in delight when she saw his acquiescence. Snatching the bottle from his lap and his hands, she began to work.  
  
"Who usually does your nails, Spike?"  
  
"Dru used to when she would get into a fit about having her nails done 'cuz she bloody wanted me to match n'all."  
  
"When did you start doing it?"  
  
"Long before all these grunge twits started doing it."  
  
"You're a trend setter, Spike. What can I say?"  
  
After removing the polish, she places his right hand on her thigh and uncaps the bottle. Lip caught between her teeth, brow furrowed deeply, she concentrates on the task before her. Spike watches amused.  
  
"What's your natural hair color?"  
  
"I'd love to know how that mind of yours works, Pet."  
  
"That's one I haven't heard before. Are you sure it's a dye color?"  
  
Spike shakes his head in mock dejection then raises his eyes heavenward to ask "Why me?"  
  
"Light brown, Red."  
  
"Oh, and for your information, I was looking at the black nail polish brush and wondering if anyone had hair that black, You know, naturally, then thought, well, if they can have hair as blond as yours, then they can have hair as black as that. But then I remembered that your hair color isn't natural and you're roots are starting to show which means you need more bleach to kill more brain cells, but they're already dead aren't they? So anyway, I can't see your roots well enough to see their color and was wondering what it is."  
  
"Whoa. To walk around in your brain for a day."  
  
"It costs $11.35 with tax."  
  
Willow has to pause for a moment in her painting while Spike laughs himself out.  
  
"It's worth a lot more to be in your head, Red."  
  
Quickly sobering, Willow returns to the nails in front of her while Spike falls silent.  
  
"So, Luv, why don't you paint your nails?"  
  
Willow, pausing, looks down at her own nails-plain and pale.  
  
"Don't know. Never thought about it. Never took the time to."  
  
She taps his hand. He moves his left hand to her thigh. Willow returns her attention to his nails.  
  
"You should. I think a nice red would become you, Red."  
  
He chuckles at his own pun.  
  
"That was bad even for you."  
  
She taps his hand again, and he switches for her to do the second coat.  
  
"When I'm done you'll have a nice new coat of nail polish to chip off and get to look all ratty again. You can be a regular punk."  
  
"Cor, Red, you figured me out! Now what am I going to do on Saturday nights?"  
  
Willow had to stop painting she was laughing so hard. She taps his hand for the final time ready to put on the second coat of his remaining hand.  
  
"Seriously Red, it would become you nicely to get your nails done up pretty."  
  
"I don't know. It's so expensive to keep them up, and I never had anyone to do them nicely for. Oz wore the nail polish in our relationship."  
  
"So that's how you know how to do this so well."  
  
She gives a brief nod.  
  
"Once every two weeks."  
  
"What about you, Pet?"  
  
"What about me?"  
  
She finishes and recaps the bottle and starts to blow on his nails so they dry.  
  
"You, Pet. You should get your nails done for *you*."  
  
"Don't know what's so special 'bout me that I deserve expensive beauty treatments."  
  
He yanks his hand from her grasp causing her to look directly into his icy- blue eyes.  
  
"You're sitting in a bathroom painting a bloke's nails, and you say there's nothing special about you?"  
  
Shrugging her shoulders, Willow drops her gaze to the floor unable to hold his eyes.  
  
"You should do something nice for yourself once in awhile instead of just for others."  
  
She shrugs again.  
  
"I dunno. Anyway, I have a ton of homework so I can't stay any longer. Let your nails dry before you go and do heavy work. I'll be by later."  
  
She gathers her things quickly avoiding looking at the bleached blond in the tub. Spike sighs as she leaves the room, feeling a draft coming through the ice wall to his heart.  
  
})i({  
  
The red head walks swiftly down the street trying to escape the feeling of being followed. Blocks before her house though, it catches up to her as she is thrown against a wall. Being turned to face her attacker, she looks strait into piercing cerulean eyes.  
  
"You're a pretty thing-might say you even glow. Let's see if you taste as good as you look."  
  
His eyes turn amber while his face shifts to that of his demon.  
  
"Oh, William."  
  
The cry is desperate and mournful. She is more concerned for the man in front of her than for her own life.  
  
"That's it girlie. Let me hear you scream."  
  
Before he leans in for the kill, he looks into her emerald eyes and feels something stir inside him. Something deep within him recognizes something deep within her. He stops for a moment and just stares at her. From that secret place inside himself, a need comes to hold and touch the woman in front of him. He yearns for her. Disgusted with himself he throws her back against the wall.  
  
"I forgive you."  
  
With her softly spoken words, the spell breaks, and he can't stand to be near her for what she brings out in him. He turns and starts to run. Maybe he never really stopped.  
  
})i({  
  
Walking home through one of Sunnydale's many parks, Spike with his enhanced senses catches the rhythmic squeak, squeak of one of the swings near the center of the park. Intrigued he moves closer to the sound. He approaches the playground from the cover of heavy foliage and discovers a girl swinging in one of the swings. Almost instantly he recognizes the flaming red hair. Next he notices her slumped shoulders and head leaning forward against the chain. He would bet his fangs her eyes are shining with unshed tears. He starts to move to her making as much noise as possible so as not to startle her. She continues to sway back and forth without looking up.  
  
"Pet, what are you doing out here so late?"  
  
He walks around to face her and takes in the new tears and old tear tracks he knew would be there. Looking closer though, he can see the red mark of a hand print across her cheek. At once kneeling at her side, he takes her face gently in his hands. He can barely bring his voice above a whisper.  
  
"Red, what happened? Who did this to you?"  
  
"When you took me home, my parents were there so I told them. They weren't very pleased. I have to have my stuff out by tomorrow night. They want nothing more to do with me."  
  
"Oh, Little Owl."  
  
He rubs his thumb along the red mark trying to soothe the ache. Pearly tears spill from her eyes and run over his fingers.  
  
"Does it hurt much?"  
  
"No and yes."  
  
He sighs. She closes her eyes to the outside world drawing strength from his touch and retreating to the inside. It's better on the inside. He chooses to ignore her being outside late and the depression it implies.  
  
"Go home, pack you things up, and we'll move you in with me tomorrow. You'll stay with me, Little Owl. I'll even let Slutty and the moron come over to see you there."  
  
She nods.  
  
"Have you told your friends about all of this yet?"  
  
She shakes her head no.  
  
"Come on, Pet. Talk to me."  
  
A few more minutes pass. He continues to hold her face as tears slide down his hands. A strangled sob escapes her lips.  
  
"I didn't expect them to take it so badly. I might be fine school-wise with scholarships, but it was my home. They kicked me out of my home. And now I have no money. I can't do a job, school, and kids. Spike, I'm so afraid I'm going to have to give up my babies."  
  
A hand lifts to brush the hair from her face. He gathers her into his arms as if to shield her from the world.  
  
"We'll work it out. You'll work it out. I won't let you lose your babies. Stay with me; you can go to school. I'll take care of anything you need, Little Owl."  
  
She whispers something even his enhanced hearing cannot catch.  
  
"What, Luv?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
She opens her eyes to stare emerald into sapphire. The moment of truth comes.  
  
"Because you're my friend; the only one I probably have. I take care of my friends, Pet. What sort of being would I be if I didn't mature enough to hold of my end of our friendship?"  
  
She smiles wistfully at his words. She remembers her reprimand all those weeks ago also.  
  
"I don't want to be a burden. I can make it somehow on my own."  
  
Spike takes her hand with a firm squeeze.  
  
"You are never a burden. Your friendship can only ever be a gift. Don't ever forget that, Little Owl. Now I suggest we get you home before I garner a reputation of being the bloody poof."  
  
Willow giggles a little.  
  
"There's my girl."  
  
With a natural grace born of being a predator, Spike sets them both on their feet and directs them towards her house. A blond slayer from behind a tree watches the two leave with a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.  
  
})i({  
  
Another Friday night, another night baby sitting the blond vampire. Willow due to her Jewish/Wicca status offered to watch Spike so everyone could enjoy their Christmas Eve with their various honeys.  
  
"Even Giles has someone to spend it with."  
  
The tears don't come; however, they have fallen from behind her eyes to form a small ache in her heart.  
  
"I just wish I had someone to spend the holiday with. I just have the Big Bad."  
  
She came prepared for the evening alone however. There is chocolate and munchies in the kitchen. On the floor by the TV is a stack of videos. On the coffee table are a few books and some homework. And a key. Giles left her the key to Spike's chains. Just in case he had said.  
  
"I could let him out and have someone to talk to. Or we could sit in the bathroom. Or I could sit here, leave him in there, and both of us sulk."  
  
Making her decision quickly, she snatches up the key and storms into the bathroom. Spike looks up astonished.  
  
"Evenin', Red."  
  
"Let me see your wrists, Blondie."  
  
Without question, he holds out his hands palms up. She removes the key from her pocket, leans down, and frees his wrists. She repeats the action with his ankles.  
  
"Now, no running away, no biting, and no funny business. Consider this a part of your Christmas gift."  
  
Speechless, Spike just stares at his now free hands and ankles. Willow walks out the door but pops her head back in before she reaches the kitchen.  
  
"I wouldn't spend all my free time cramped in a tub if I were free, Spikey."  
  
With a shake of the head, he's out the tub and into the living room before she can breathe.  
  
"Let it be known that Vampires are not a lethargic bunch."  
  
She follows after him and goes into the kitchen to grab her bag. After she finds a small green wrapped package, she moves to the living room. He has already established himself on the couch, remote in hand, some wacky cable show on. To get his attention, Willow stands in front of the TV.  
  
"Cor, Pet, move."  
  
"I just wanted to give you this before I start dinner."  
  
Nervously, she hands him the gift then scurries off. He stares at it for minute confused.  
  
"Sod it all, Pet."  
  
He pulls off the large silver bow then tears through the shimmering green wrapping. The lid comes off to reveal a silver and blue Zippo lighter. He lifts it from its bed of tissue and fingers it a moment. He lifts the lid, swipes it against his jean clad thigh, and lights it. He anxiously repeats the action deciding what to do next. Slowly, deliberately, he pockets the lighter as he stands and walks to the kitchen. Willow is perusing the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to make. She hears him enter but does not turn around.  
  
"It's not that I condone smoking, but you're dead, and it can't hurt you. Just don't set yourself on fire and don't do it around me, and we'll be fine."  
  
She finally turns and smiles widely. He returns with and equally exuberant expression.  
  
"Thank you, Red. It's a handsome gift."  
  
Red color floods Willow's cheeks down to her neck. Spike reaches to grab something out of the fridge.  
  
"Let me make you dinner. It's the least I can do; that and paint your nails."  
  
An ever expressive scarred eyebrow waggles suggestively.  
  
"You can cook?"  
  
"There are a great many things I can do that you don't know about."  
  
He shoos her out of the kitchen and starts to pull out pans, pots, and food. Willow settles on the couch wandering what he could possibly be making from the bare contents of Giles's fridge. With rattling pots and slamming cupboards in the background, she flips on the TV and waits.  
  
"Chinese fine, Red?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
She replies distracted by the TV. Sometime later Spike walks in with two plates, two sets of silverware, and a wad of napkins in hand. She reaches up to take one from him then leans back into the couch. His plate gets set down on the coffee table.  
  
"What'll you have to drink?"  
  
"Water."  
  
She replies without looking up from the TV. With the same detachment, her hand lifts the fork to her mouth. Surprised at the amazingly tasty stir-fry Spike whipped up, her attention is finally drawn from the TV. It is then that she notices the second plate sitting on the coffee table. Spike walks back in, sets down one glass and one mug, and picks up the other plate. Her eyebrows knit in silent question. He looks at her and smirks.  
  
"I was a bit peckish myself-wanted to try some of my dinner. I've got the blood right here as well. No need to waste away."  
  
He punctuates his statement with a shrug and a lift of his mug. Willow's eyes light up, and she flashes him her teeth.  
  
"The new things you learn everyday about our blond likes-to-bite friend."  
  
They sit in contented, relaxed silence while each finished eating. When done, he takes her dish before she can get up and brings it into the kitchen. Although she continues to sit and watch the TV, her mind starts to work quickly. The wheels start turning, and green globes take on a glazed look. Lost in her own thoughts, she doesn't notice when Spike sits back down. Not one to be ignored, he starts to wave his hand in front of her face. Directly, she snaps back to herself.  
  
"Where'd you go?"  
  
"Oh, nowhere."  
  
He raises a scarred eyebrow. Willow raises an eyebrow in return.  
  
"Here."  
  
Breaking the staring contest, Spike reaches for his leather duster. After ferreting around in the multitude of pockets finally, a pale hand returns with two bottles of nail polish: green and silver.  
  
"Spike.?"  
  
"What, Luv? It's time to get your nails done. You've never taken the time to pamper yourself so here we are now, and I'm going to make you."  
  
"Fine."  
  
He nods then dives back into his coat. This time he emerges with a nail file, base coat, top coat, and acrylic kit. Willow's jaw falls straight to her lap.  
  
"Where.huh.what.?!"  
  
Flabbergasted, Willow starts to hide behind her hair.  
  
"How did you get all of this?"  
  
"Slutty owed me a favor."  
  
He gently closes her mouth and takes her right hand then begins.  
  
"So you went to beautician school then did you?"  
  
Without looking up or missing a beat Spike responds.  
  
"Cor, no, Dru kept eating the bloody nail chits. Who do you think did her nails? Too much of a hassle to keep bringing in mortal girls so I learned. Nothing much else to do in the day and had to keep my princess happy."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"That's two for me. You're still at zero, Red."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Two new things about me you know. I haven't learned a bloody thing about you today." She closes her eyes for a while. A long time later she finally comes up with something and shouts it out.  
  
"I'm writing."  
  
"Pet.I already know that."  
  
"I know that, but what you didn't know is I switched into some writing classes. I'm not going to change majors, but I'm going to pick up a minor in it. I'm taking your advice."  
  
She gives him a wink. He starts to paint the deep sparkling emerald polish on her newly elongated acrylic nails.  
  
"Good, Red. It'll make you happy. Tell those daft twits you call friends?"  
  
"Yes, Buffy, Xander, and I had a long talk about it. They were very supportive."  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Alright, Red, no need to get your dander up."  
  
He moves to the left hand to coat them in the emerald polish. He holds her hands securely in his right while his left deftly completes its task. Eyes as brilliant as the polish watch rapt as he concentrates.  
  
"You have such beautiful hands."  
  
As she realizes that the thought slipped out, he face turns as red as the polish is green, and she ducks her head.  
  
"Never knew, Luv. Or should I say LOVER?"  
  
If it were possible, Willow's face deepens ten shades.  
  
"You wish, Spikey, but remind me no more compliments for you."  
  
A lower lip starts to puff out, and eyes start to droop.  
  
"Oh NO! It's the puppy dog face!"  
  
He continues to lower his eyes and puff his lip.  
  
"Oh, fine. I only meant that you have nice long lean fingers. And they have that rough calloused feel of a worker or a writer. They're good hands."  
  
"Sexy hands."  
  
"Fine. Mr. I'm-a-five-year-old. They're as sexy as you want them to be."  
  
The lip and the eyes retreat to their normal positions. He starts to add the silver tips to her right hand.  
  
"You have the biggest ego."  
  
He winks.  
  
"Don't you know it, Luv. Now number two."  
  
Again Willow's brow wrinkles in contemplation. Spike finishes the tips on her right hand and moves to the left. Next he adds the top coat laying her hands on his lower thighs to dry. She continues to think. Spike stares at her hands.  
  
"You have lovely hands, too, Red."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Small and delicate but strong."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
He cheeks are a subtle shade of pink and her hand moves to tuck a strand of hair behind her ears. Right before she reaches her locks, Spike catches the hand and places it back on his thigh.  
  
"No need to mess up my handwork. Now come on, Luv. What else do I not know about you, sharing n'all. I've done a lot you've done not so much."  
  
"How about a Xander story?"  
  
"I have no need to know about the moron."  
  
"No, no. From when we were little."  
  
"Oh."  
  
He sits for a moment drawing out her consternation for fun.  
  
"Alright, Pet. I'll listen to a little Chubs and little Red story."  
  
"Goody! Since it's Christmas. I'll tell you a Christmas story."  
  
"I thought you were Jewish."  
  
"Yes, at my house, but at Xander's I celebrated Christmas."  
  
He nods. Wanting to be more comfortable, Willow scoots back into the couch, hands laid on her crossed legs. Spike takes the opposite end and props his legs on the coffee table. He then takes out a cigarette and his new lighter. Willow clears her throat just as he reaches up to light the end.  
  
"Not around me."  
  
"Bloody hell, Pet. Robbin' a guy of his chief amusement."  
  
"If that's what amuses you chiefly then you've got serious problems. Now, either put that out or go outside so I can start."  
  
Reluctantly, he tucks the death stick behind his ear and returns the Zippo to his pocket.  
  
"Xander and I have been friends since we were five, and he stole my Barbie. That year he invited me over for Christmas. I was so excited because I had never gotten to celebrate Christmas. I even convinced my mom to take me to get Xander a GI Joe figurine. She complained the whole time about gender- specific toys and their role in the degradation of society and how modern Christmas was a mockery of the spirit in which it was created."  
  
As Willow weaves her story, Spike sits rapt waiting for her every word. It's a rare gift that anyone sits down to have a real conversation with him. It never really even happened when he was human. Maybe it's all he ever wanted. Maybe if he had had a friend, things would have been so different. So he treasures this even more than the Zippo, her sharing of her self and time; her trust. Videos and chocolate forgotten Willow continues the story of her first Christmas, and they talk all night.  
  
Early in the morning before Giles is due back, Willow gets up and stretches big. Spike follows suit.  
  
"This is the point where you say 'Time to go back to the tub, Spike' isn't it, Pet?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Spike. I have to. But I can try and come by tomorrow night and maybe we can do movies."  
  
He moves towards the bathroom.  
  
"Don't worry, Red. It was nice to get out for a few hours."  
  
With a long face, she shackles him back into the tub doing everything she can to make him comfortable.  
  
"Merry Christmas, Spike."  
  
"Happy Hanukah or whatever, Pet."  
  
She gives him a bright, warm smile then turns and leaves. As he hears the door to the apartment shut, the lingering sunshine invades his being, and he feels the warmth start to thaw just another bit of his heart.  
  
})i({  
  
Giles looks up from his ever present demonology book to see Xander, Anya, and Buffy walk in. He shakes his head at the mindless chatter and noise.  
  
"When will you learn to kindly knock?"  
  
"When you no longer heed the gentle reminder of our youth and vitality, G- man!"  
  
Giles cringes at the use of Xander's nickname. The three friends shuffle in and take their seats. Each tries to avoid the other. No one wants to speak first. It falls to Giles as the oldest and most mature to broach the subject.  
  
"First, I want to know if anyone is unwilling to support Willow. We need to hear it now because I will not have anything upsetting her during her pregnancy."  
  
No one speaks. Each shifts uncomfortably under Giles's steely gaze.  
  
"Good. She is going to need all the help we can give her, and lord knows we at least owe her that by virtue of all that she has done for each of us. She deserves the best we can give her. Now, I got a call early this morning from her, and she asked me to tell you she is at Spike's. Her parents forced her to leave, and we need to help her move out of her house. She is going to move into Spike's. I want you to get everything out of your systems before she gets here then not another word, another mean gesture. She feels safe with him, and they are friends. He can't and won't hurt her."  
  
"We know Giles. But she can stay with us. I've known her longer. Anya and I can help her. She shouldn't put herself in the debt of the bleached wonder. I mean Spike? Yehhhh!" Xander shudders.  
  
"No. She cannot stay with us. She would get in the way of our orgasms!"  
  
"Xand, the basement is hardly roomy enough. Nor would you want to be stuck with a pregnant woman in those tight quarters."  
  
"Buffy's right, and you have a job. She's going to need more attention than that not to mention a full time baby sitter."  
  
"Uh, uh! No way! There is no way William the Blood is looking after my best friend's children! Between the four of us Will's got all the help she needs."  
  
"Xander, calm down."  
  
"No Buffy! I accepted the friendship despite his being soulless; at least Angel has a soul. But she's going to get herself hurt. And I won't sit by and watch her do it."  
  
"Xander LaVelle Harris! You need to chill. I am going to say this once, and you will accept. I approve of this. Spike has changed. Willow has changed. Watch him sometime while she is in the room, and you will know he would give anything to keep her and now her children safe."  
  
"He loves her."  
  
Three faces snap to face Anya. Realization dawns on Giles's and Buffy's faces while confusing and anger mar Xander's. He gets up from the couch and starts to pace the room. Then his head snaps up suddenly.  
  
"She loves him, too. Why can't my women fall in love with normal men?"  
  
He sighs deeply.  
  
"Xander it's ok. You've got to trust her judgment."  
  
"I agree with you Buffy. Xander, Willow's judgment is sound. You need to trust your friend. You've known her the longest has she ever made a bad decision?"  
  
He shakes his head.  
  
"She's going to need you. You need to put your differences behind you and open yourself up to change. Just be there if anything happens and let her make her own mistakes."  
  
"Yeah and give Deadboy Jr. one hell of a warning beating."  
  
Xander defeated falls onto the couch next to Anya who takes him into her arms.  
  
"I was a demon, and I changed. Stop being so close minded. Willow's friendship is enough to change anyone. I've never met anyone so compassionate and forgiving."  
  
"Trust me, I know. I've been on the receiving end of it many times. I just worry. It's the manly need in me to protect her."  
  
"We all feel it, Xand. Just channel it in to a healthy need to help."  
  
He nods.  
  
"Good, that's the only real reason I called you here this early. But while you're here let's do some preemptory research. Buffy will you call Willow and ask her to come over later with Spike."  
  
Everyone collectively groans. Buffy gets up and walk over to the phone and dials Willow's number.  
  
"Xander, I want to have a baby so I can get out of research."  
  
"Anya.honey, NO!"  
  
Xander pats his girlfriend's hand. With resignation, they take the books Giles hands them as Buffy sits back down.  
  
"Wills will be here after sunset. She's going to class right, and I need to too. I leave you three to the musty fun that is demon researching."  
  
She gives a quick wave and bounds out the door. The others settle in and start to read.  
  
})i({  
  
As the fog of sleep lifts, Spike opens his eyes. He without delay jumps back as far as the chains and the tub will let him when he is confronted with the face in front of him. A redhead sits with her head on her hands, warm green eyes boring into him.  
  
"I never thought you'd wake-up. I've been staring at you for ten minutes."  
  
"You could bloody well say my name instead of frightening a vampire near to life."  
  
Willow smiles as he knew she would at his small joke.  
  
"But that wouldn't be nearly as much fun."  
  
He rolls his eyes in an exaggerated fashion.  
  
"So what new torture do you have for me today, Red?"  
  
The laughter in his eyes belies the sour words.  
  
"You my pet vampire get to go for a walk. I finagled the key out of Giles again in the strictest confidence that you would not escape, and I could control you."  
  
"I'll be a good little puppy."  
  
"So I brought over 'Clue' and 'The Game of Life' and some movies. You and me are stuck together all night."  
  
"Stake me now!"  
  
Again the big smile on his face contradicts his words. She reaches down to unshackle him, and he climbs out of the tub.  
  
"Thanks, Red. What movies did you bring?"  
  
"That Mr. Big Bad, is for me to know and you to find out."  
  
She shoos him out the door by flipping her hands. Rubbing his sore wrists, Spike walks into the living room to sit down. Willow moves to the kitchen and pops a popcorn bag into the microwave. Next she fishes a few unmarked cassettes from her bag.  
  
"One? Two? Or three?"  
  
Spike's brows rise.  
  
"Three."  
  
She walks over and pushes the tape into the VCR. Before she sits down, the popcorn dings, and Willow goes to retrieve it.  
  
"Blood or soda?"  
  
"Does Ripper have a good beer?"  
  
"No Spike! No imbibing! This is a completely dry evening of fun."  
  
Spike sticks out his lip and bats his eye in a now much practiced pouting look. Willow's eyes narrow and her brows rise, and her mouth reduces to a thin line. Spike at once concedes to her 'Resolve Face'. With an exaggerated gesture he gives up and crosses his arms to pout.  
  
"O-."  
  
The microwave beeps again, and Willow removes the warm blood she stuck in, in the first place. As she settles herself in the couch armed with two mugs and popcorn, the opening credits start.  
  
"Fight Club, Red?"  
  
"Yup! It's got violence for you. Intellectual thinking for me. Not to mention yummy Brad Pitt!"  
  
She makes a licking motion with her tongue at the TV while Spike cringes.  
  
"That was bloody awful, Pet. No more tongue for you. Settle down and watch the movie. Oh, here's a napkin."  
  
He pats her on the head and hands her the paper mess remover.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You know, Luv. For all the drool."  
  
He mock wipes at his chin indicating the spit on her chin. Willow's fingers fly to her mouth to make sure it's clean. Once she finds her dry chin, she punches him on the shoulder.  
  
"Hey! I do not drool!"  
  
"Ow, Red. I bruise easily."  
  
She arches a delicate eyebrow in response.  
  
"Just be quiet. Good little vampires shouldn't talk during movies."  
  
"But I'm not good, Pet."  
  
Spike slings an arm over the couch to squeeze her shoulder. She rolls her eyes at him then settles in to watch the movie.  
  
Two hours later finds Willow's head on a pillow in Spike's lap while his fingers run through her hair. Their familiarity leads them to the level of comfort that allows them to enjoy each other's company-a deep friendship forged quickly in the fire of hope and new maturity. Whatever power sped his change was found in the tenderness of her heart. There is no reason to hide from each other and no reason to be uncomfortable. The credits start to roll, and Willow sits up.  
  
"I love that movie."  
  
"It was bloody marvelous."  
  
"Yes, it was bloody."  
  
Willow starts to giggle.  
  
"Pet, you are entirely too taken with giggling."  
  
He does his best to keep from smiling . "Laughter is good for the soul. I guess that's why you have a bad sense of humor!"  
  
Willow jumps up, grabs the dishes, and heads to the kitchen. Sticking his tongue at her, Spike stares at her retreating form. He catches an unfamiliar rhythm in the room. Cocking his head, he extends his hearing to pick it up better. After a few minutes, it dawns on him that it is coming from the girl cleaning the kitchen. The red headed witch has three heart beats. The implications of her triple beat quickly form in his mind. He does the best to try and hide the shock and surprise from his features when she walks back in with a board game.  
  
"You ready, William the Bloody, to play 'The Game of Life?'"  
  
He looks at her and smiles sadly.  
  
"No, Luv, are *you* ready for life?"  
  
})i({  
  
Angelus stumbles up the stairs and into Spike and Dru's room. Seeing his sire's distress, Spike pushes Dru off of his lap and jumps out of the wing back chair. Crumpled against a wall, Angelus starts to look around frantically.  
  
"Angelus.?"  
  
"She kicked me out.she kicked me out."  
  
Spike grabs his forearms and shakes him hard trying to get his sire to look at him. Angelus refuses to meet his blonde childe's eyes for shame and desperately tries to shrug him off. When he can't accomplish that, his eyes dart from one thing to another-anything but Spike.  
  
"Who? Darla? What did Darla do?"  
  
Suddenly, Spike catches Angelus's eyes.  
  
"She doesn't like his shinny new soul."  
  
Spike's head spins to Dru.  
  
"What Dru?"  
  
"His soul. Those gypsies took our daddy away."  
  
Spike turns back and looks deeply into chocolate brown eyes.  
  
"No."  
  
Finally, Angelus can no longer hold himself up and crumbles completely into a heap on the floor, partially in his childe's arms. Dru climbs into the chair and starts to rock herself back and forth. Spike draws his sire close and starts to mirror Dru's behavior. Both brunette vampires begin to mutter to themselves. Refusing to see his sire in pain, Spike whispers in Angelus's ear.  
  
"S'alright, Angelus. Dru and I'll take you away from the bitch. We'll find some way to get rid of it."  
  
Angelus starts to moan.  
  
"No. Can't take the soul. I can't kill. I've killed so much.so many.hurts."  
  
"Ok, ok. We'll figure out something."  
  
A single blood tear begins to well in Spike's eye then spills over to his cheek. He doesn't know what to say so he starts to coo to calm his sire. He looks over to Dru for support, but she is as usual lost in her own world. Glancing back down, Spike doesn't know how to help Angelus. He's never lost his sire.  
  
"My sire.she doesn't want me.can't stand me."  
  
"Daddy's an angel now. He doesn't like to eat the nice little girls anymore. There's a light in his eyes. He shimmers and shines. He's not a bad daddy anymore."  
  
"Dru, will you be quiet? Angelus, come on, get some things together. We'll leave. You, me, and Dru. We'll go back to France or Spain. We'll work something out. Let's just get away from Darla."  
  
Angelus lifts his head from Spike's lap and looks around as if for the first time really seeing where he is. Realization dawns in his eyes. Violently, he pushes away from Spike and gets to his feet.  
  
"No, you're killers. I can't be around you.I shouldn't be around you."  
  
He starts to edge toward the door, and Spike is up in a minute following.  
  
"No, Angelus, stay with us. Let us help you."  
  
"Never, I don't want you. You're monsters."  
  
And then he was gone, down the stairs and out the door. Spike tries calling out to him, but his sire doesn't come back. Spike bounds back up the stairs and into his room.  
  
"Dru get you stuff together. We're leaving. I'll show him monsters. He wants a monster for a childe then I'll give him one."  
  
An unholy gleam lights Spike's eyes as he throws a still distraught and mumbling Drusilla toward her armoire. In the wake of his sire's rejection, a new Spike is born.  
  
})i({  
  
"She's still shadowing you."  
  
"No, Pet. No, Dru. I left it all for you. We came here for you."  
  
"No, Spikey. She's still there-a fiery shadow that won't leave you. You don't love your black goddess anymore, your princess. She's invaded you-all green life and flame. There's no more room for me in there."  
  
She taps his forehead and then his heart, Spike vehemently shakes his head.  
  
"No, Dru. I left it all behind in Sunnydale. You kicked me out, but I still came back. I came back."  
  
"No, Spike. You ran away."  
  
Spike collapses on the ground sobbing. In a moment of clarity, Drusilla lowers herself to the ground and pulls the broken vampire into her lap. The protected becomes the protector; the needy becomes the needed. She whispers sweet calming words as her mumbles and cries.  
  
"From what. from what.from what?"  
  
"Her, Spikey, go back and find your fire goddess."  
  
Abruptly, Spike pulls himself up and hastily wipes his eyes. Dru looks up expectantly at him. He hesitates a moment then turns and takes off. Drusilla sits there staring after him and shaking her head.  
  
})i({ })i({ 


	3. I Am Folded and Unfolded and Unfolding

Part 2: I am Folded and Unfolded and Unfolding  
  
Spike turns the lock and opens the door while Willow stands next to him.  
  
"I can't believe how well they all took it."  
  
He ushers the red head through the door placing a hand on the small of her back. She stops through at the bottom of the steps before going up to the apartment.  
  
"Even Xander was ok with it."  
  
Spike's hand gives her a small nudge, and Willow's feel start to move up.  
  
"I think the watcher gave them advance notice, Little Owl."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"To save you any of the stress of their arguments-to protect you, Pet."  
  
"Oh! So the fight was before we came?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
Her head appears through the hole in the floor that leads the stairs to the second floor. Eventually all of her appears, and she enters the apartment. Instead of going to her room, she plops down on the couch. Spike moves to the kitchen.  
  
"Want anything, Red?"  
  
"Some pickles. Oh and a little sour cream."  
  
Spike just shakes his head at her off-handed answer.  
  
"These walks are starting to get to me. Soon I'm gonna need a bus to cart me around. Maybe even a bulldozer once I get really pregnant."  
  
Despite his best efforts, the blond vampire bursts out in pealing laugher. He almost drops the plate and two mugs in his hands. Willow merely scowls at him.  
  
"Stop! It's not funny. I'm going to look like a house with legs and hair before this is over."  
  
"You will not, Little Owl. My mother was your size and she carried twins fine."  
  
"There were twins in your family?"  
  
"My youngest sisters were twins."  
  
"Oh, that's neat. Too bad I can't call your mom for advice."  
  
He hands her the plate and a mug.  
  
"Not unless you want to pay the long distance to the after life."  
  
Willow giggles.  
  
"Maybe, tomorrow. Speaking of long distance, I should call Angel and Cordy. I need to tell them the news. They need to know."  
  
Spike scowls.  
  
"Why do Peaches and the Cheerleader need to know?"  
  
Willow leans over and smacks him upside the head.  
  
"Because they're my friends. And you and Angel need to get along cuz he's going to want to be here to see the babies. Cordy, too. Whatever is between you let it go."  
  
"Not that easy, Pet."  
  
"But?"  
  
"Leave it."  
  
Willow closes her mouth then pouts. She stares at the floor eating her pickles ignoring the vampire sitting next to her. He sighs.  
  
"Why don't you get your PJs on, and you can call the poof while I do your nails?"  
  
"Ok."  
  
Both get up, Spike draining the rest of his mug; Willow leaving her plate for later, and start off towards their rooms. A few minutes later, Willow returns clad in sweatpants and a tank top, Spike with a small box. Each takes one end of the couch facing each other. Spike reaches for her right had while handing her the phone. From beneath the couch, he pulls a board to set out his supplies on. Meticulously, he gets ready setting out each bottle or brush with exquisite care.  
  
"I'm sure you know Peaches's number already."  
  
She takes the phone, but pauses before dialing.  
  
"Yes. Spike? I was thinking. I love the screen look n'all, but I think at least for the babies we need to make a closed off nursery. I wouldn't mind a more private space either."  
  
Spike looks up from filing her nails. Hurriedly, Willow continues.  
  
"If that's asking too much, forget I, well, asked."  
  
Per usual a blush starts to warm Willow's features.  
  
"Sure, Little Owl. I was planning on doing it soon anyway. I just wanted to get myself and you moved in first."  
  
Willow grins then her face falls to confusion.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Why do you keep calling me 'Little Owl'?"  
  
He shrugs his shoulders without breaking filing rhythm.  
  
"Don't know. Just sounds right. Feels right."  
  
"You like nicknames don't you?"  
  
"I guess. Had threes sisters. It was fun to tease 'em-developed a habit."  
  
A few minutes of silence pass.  
  
"Do you want a nickname?"  
  
"Have a few already."  
  
"What?"  
  
"None I can tell to virgin ears."  
  
He gives a sly look up at her.  
  
"Spike! I think recent developments have proved I am no longer a virgin!"  
  
"Don't get you knickers in a twist, Little Owl. I was just kidding."  
  
He moves to her left hand.  
  
"Oh, I know! Sexy hands!"  
  
Spike groans, loudly.  
  
"No Pet. Spike's fine."  
  
"I guess. Spike's a nickname really. William's your real name."  
  
"Sure. Why don't you stop pestering me and call the poofter."  
  
Willow giggles.  
  
"Fine. Wittle Spikey is upset."  
  
With her free hand she gives him a pat on the head, subsequently reaches for the phone she placed earlier on the floor.  
  
"What colors, Red?"  
  
"I dunno. Vampire's choice-you pick."  
  
She dials the familiar number and waits for Cordy to pick up. As Spike starts to apply the acrylic powder to her right hand, a chipper voice picks up the other end.  
  
"Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless."  
  
"Hey Cordy!"  
  
In LA, Cordelia Chase jumps up from her desk and starts to bounce on the balls of her feet.  
  
"Hey, Willow! We thought you had forgotten about us. Where have you been?"  
  
"Sorry, Cor. It got crazy the past few weeks. In fact the craziness is why I called. Angel around? I want to tell you both the surprise at the same time."  
  
Cordelia walks as far as the phone cord will allow her and peers into her boss's office.  
  
"He's not here, Willow. He's out after the latest flavor of the week. He should be back soon."  
  
"Oh well, I should call back when Angel's there."  
  
The blond vampire tenses again at the mention of his sire's name. Quickly, he looks down at Willow's middle finger and rushes to fix his mistake. If the nail turns out badly though, at least he can blame it on the poof.  
  
"No, Willow! I can't wait. Tell me now."  
  
Willow smiles; Cordelia can almost hear it through the phone.  
  
"Alright, but you can't tell Angel. I want you to have him call me when he gets in. Remind me to give you the new number."  
  
"New number? Come on now, Wills, you gotta dish."  
  
"I'm living with Spike."  
  
"Spike?! Nuetered vamp? Why are you living with bleach boy?"  
  
At that moment Angel walks in the office and overhears the last statement. He guesses instantly at the topic of conversation.  
  
"Who moved in with my childe?"  
  
Cordelia mouths 'Willow'. Angel grabs for the phone, but his secretary moves before he can get it.  
  
"My parents kicked me out."  
  
Both Angel and Cordelia hear Willow's quiet statement. Simultaneously, they fall into chairs.  
  
"Oh Willow, why did your parents kick you out? When did they? Are you alright? Do I need to send Angel to do a little ass-whooping?"  
  
Willow looks over at Spike drawing strength form his warm eyes. He gently squeezes the hand he is holding.  
  
"Last night. I told them I was."  
  
"You're what, honey? What ever it is Angel and I will help. You don't need to rely on bleach boy."  
  
"Cordelia, I'm pregnant with Oz's kids."  
  
When she drops the phone, Angel snatches it before it can even hit the floor.  
  
"Willow? What happened?"  
  
"Angel? When did you get there?"  
  
Spike and Willow look at each other. Willow gives Spike a puzzled look. Spike smirks back and returns to her left thumb.  
  
"Just now. So you're pregnant?"  
  
"Yes, Angel. My parents didn't like that and kicked me out of the house. Spike took me in. And before you say it, he is my friend. Everyone here accepts is so you have to accept it. And nothing more about that. I don't need the added stress."  
  
As Angel stands shocked, Cordelia wakes out of her stupor and seizes back the phone.  
  
"Kids? As in plural?"  
  
"Uh huh, twins. Two little babies."  
  
"Oh, Willow, that's great. It is great right?"  
  
"Yeah Cordy. It's good or it will be once I get over the oh-my-god-I'm- having-twins-at-nineteen-shock thing. Everyone here's being great, especially Spike. So I'm gonna tell you what I told Angel. Not a word about him or my living with him. He's my friend, and I don't need the extra stress."  
  
Willow smiles at Spike. He starts to shake the maroon red bottle of polish. In LA, Cordelia smiles as she envisions Willow's patented resolve face fall into place.  
  
"My lips are sealed. I'll try and control the broody one for you, too."  
  
Angel frowns then moves to his office to get on the extension.  
  
"Willow, the big brother in me demands I at least ask one thing before I let it drop."  
  
"What, Angel?"  
  
"Angel, leave her alone or I'm quitting."  
  
He rolls his eyes and ignores his employee.  
  
"Do you trust him?"  
  
Spike looks up when he hears the question. Willow looks strait into his eyes when she replies.  
  
"Completely."  
  
Spike grins like a maniac while returning to her right hand to finish it.  
  
"Then I guess that has to be good enough for me."  
  
"Good. Now that he's done being an ass. What can we do? I know some great boutiques where we can get you some totally hot, not fat-woman clothes."  
  
The time Spike reacts and grabs the phone from Willow.  
  
"Cheerleader, shut your trap. If anyone's fat it's not my Red. No need to implant ideas in her head."  
  
Willow lunges for the phone and gets it before Spike can continue.  
  
"Sorry, Cordy. He's a little protective."  
  
Cordelia just smirks at Angel through his office window and winks. Angel looks ready to kill, barely restraining his alter ego.  
  
"S'ok, Wills. Angel might stake him now, though."  
  
Willow can hear giggling from Cordelia and suppressed growl from Angel.  
  
"Willow, are you sure about him?"  
  
"Yes, Angel."  
  
"Come on, Angel. Now, Willow tell me everything."  
  
"There's not much to tell yet. I just found out a few days ago. I go to the doctor again later next week."  
  
Disappointed, Cordelia's face falls. Angel gets an idea-one that will satisfy both their curiosities.  
  
"Willow, can we come visit?"  
  
"Oh my god! Yes, Willow! It would be so great!"  
  
"I would love it. But it's up to Spike. It is his apartment."  
  
Spike looks up form the black tips he is applying to her red nails to her expectant face. He can't deny her anything even if it means having to deal with his sire for a weekend. Curtly, he nods.  
  
"Yes, it's alright with him. Why don't you come this weekend?"  
  
"That's great! We gotta go now, though. A client just walked in. I'll call later about details."  
  
Willow gives her the new number, and each girl hangs up. Spike starts to add the top coat when she places the phone down.  
  
"Thank you so much, Spike."  
  
"Only would do it for you. Now though, you owe me not only corrupting rights but naming rights to your first born, Little Owl."  
  
He finishes then looks up with a bright grin on his face. She returns in same.  
  
"You know Spike."  
  
"Don't ever say it."  
  
Releasing her hands, he starts to put everything away. To stem any further conversation, he gets up and goes to his room.  
  
"Well.someone's cranky."  
  
Willow suddenly drained gets up puts her dishes in the sink then moves to her own room.  
  
"Night, Spike."  
  
She calls it out to the open air of the apartment but receives no answer. She crawls into bed and turns out the light strangely upset. Right before sleep takes her, she hears the gentle rustle denim encased legs around her screens.  
  
"Night, Little Owl."  
  
Feeling better, she allows the warm glow in her heart to usher in a sweet sleep.  
  
})i({  
  
"Oy, Pet, there's a letter for you."  
  
Willow takes the proffered letter from Spike's out stretched hand. She recognizes the return address right away and falls into a chair. Noticing her reaction, Spike rushes to her side. Shaking hands tear open the envelope while nervous eyes look on. Spike waits until she read it before speaking.  
  
"It's a letter from my dad. He apologizes for my mother's behavior. He wants me to come home-but I can't cuz of Mom. So he's put together a bank account for me with a monthly allowance. He says.he says he loves me no matter what. He asks that I forgive him for his cowardice and that he still wants to be a part of my life."  
  
Finishing, Willow breaks down in tears and falls into Spike' lap. He accepts her willingly with open arms.  
  
"He wants to take me to lunch to talk."  
  
She looks strait into blue eyes.  
  
"He still loves me. I thought they hated me."  
  
"Yeah, he does, Little Owl. And you should go meet him-talk to him."  
  
She nods absently. The wheels begin to turn in her head as the implications and possibilities start to focus out of the fog that is her life.  
  
"Spike do you know what this means?"  
  
"Your father's head is screwed on strait for all it being up your mum's ass?"  
  
"No! I have financing. I can help with rent and save for college educations! We don't have to shop at garage sales! I can raise them normally without worrying when you'll kick us out!"  
  
Spike grabs the frantically waving hands.  
  
"Wait a second, Red. You don't have to pay rent, and I'll never kick you out. You would never have had to worry about anything. You still don't."  
  
Willow bursts into tears again.  
  
"Thank you so much, Spike. What would I do without you?"  
  
"Probably be living in Chub's basement."  
  
Willow wipes her eyes and chuckles.  
  
"Maybe. Despite what anyone says you have your moments of extraordinary."  
  
"Only for you, Little Owl, only for you."  
  
})i({  
  
"Joseph?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Christopher?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Logan?"  
  
"Goddess, no!"  
  
"What's wrong with Logan?"  
  
"Spike, I am not naming one of my children after an X-Men no matter how cool you think he is. Remember, we're going for old and meaningful. Like Gaelic; Gaelic names are good."  
  
"Why don't you ask the wanker then?"  
  
"Why don't you pout some more, and I will."  
  
She reaches over and flicks his ear. Spike flinches.  
  
"Shouldn't do that when someone's trying to drive over here, Red."  
  
He reaches up to rub his ear.  
  
"Then don't try to name my boys after your fantasies."  
  
"How do you know you're having boys?"  
  
"I know."  
  
He looks over-disbelief blatantly written all over his face.  
  
"I know! I've been living with these little guys for a while now. They're boys."  
  
"Guess I'll just have to trust you then, Little Owl."  
  
"Guess so."  
  
She sticks her tongue out as he turns into a parking lot.  
  
"Here we go, Luv."  
  
Willow looks through the window up at the ominous office building in front of her made even scarier by the dark cast of twilight. Spike picks up her increased heart rate and slips a hand into hers.  
  
"Just the doctor's, Little Owl. There's nothing there to be afraid of."  
  
Large, disbelieving green eyes bore into his warm blue.  
  
"Come with me?"  
  
"Luv, it's just a doctor. You were here a few days ago."  
  
"Well, technically, I was at another office. Not here."  
  
Spike twitches a scarred eyebrow.  
  
"Pwease, Spikey?"  
  
She drops her bottom lip and widens her eyes. Spike takes the keys out of the ignition and moves to get out of the car. Knowingly, Willow waits in her seat. Seconds later, Spike opens the car door and pulls her out.  
  
"This puppy dog face is a dangerous tool, Little Owl. I don't think you should use it lightly."  
  
"So says the master of pouting."  
  
She winks at him. With a hand on the small of her back, he leads her through the door and up to the office on the second floor.  
  
"Roger?"  
  
"Ugh."  
  
"Caleb?"  
  
"Ooo. I like that one! Write it down!"  
  
Spike pulls out a notepad and pen out of one of his many duster pockets and writes down the name. They reach the door just as he puts it away. Again he steers her through with a carefully placed hand. Willow goes over and signs in. She returns to where Spike is sitting with a clipboard of paperwork. She digs in as Spike looks around.  
  
"Richard?"  
  
"No. I'm not having an English king."  
  
He looks over to her puzzled face at her off-handed remark.  
  
"Cor, I remember when going to a doctor meant a house call and direct payment. No messy forms in the good days."  
  
"You mean the dark days."  
  
Willow responds without looking up so she misses Spike's tongue sticking out.  
  
"Well now a day, we have this little thing called insurance and accurate medical records-no more bleeding people."  
  
Again she misses his childish gesture.  
  
"What was your father's name?"  
  
Spike looks up from the pregnancy magazine in his lap.  
  
"William."  
  
"Oh, so you really are a junior."  
  
"Yes, Pet."  
  
They sit in silence.  
  
"Sean?"  
  
"Write it down."  
  
He adds it to the list.  
  
"Scott?"  
  
"No."  
  
"August?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Homer?"  
  
"Hell, no! Where do you come up with some of these?"  
  
Spike shrugs.  
  
"Tyler?"  
  
"Write it down."  
  
"See, Pet, I come up with some good ones."  
  
"Willow?"  
  
A nurse peeks her head out of a door to retrieve Willow.  
  
"No, Spike. Boys' names remember? And you typically don't have female juniors."  
  
He taps her shoulder and points to the smiling nurse.  
  
"It's your turn, Little Owl."  
  
Willow looks up from the insurance forms. Her customary blush appears to flush her cheeks.  
  
"Oh."  
  
She grabs her stuff and moves to follow the nurse.  
  
"Your.your.the father can come as well."  
  
The nurse motions towards Spike sitting in the plastic chair. He looks up when he hears the nurse waiting for Willow's response. The mother-to-be looks at him. Spike shrugs.  
  
"He's not."  
  
"Hey, Little Owl, I wanna see the lil'uns, too."  
  
Willow sighs and winks at him. Spike smiles at her and slips his hand in hers. Mouthing 'thank you', Willow tightens her hand and follows the nurse back to he examination rooms.  
  
"We need to take your weight and blood pressure. Then the doctor will be in to do the general exam and a sonogram. Then we'll need to discuss things you need to be doing at home to stay healthy."  
  
Willow nods and completes the initial testing. She and Spike then go to the exam room to wait for her doctor.  
  
"Thanks again, Spike."  
  
"Only for you, Little One."  
  
"You really don't have to wait her, though. I'll be fine with the doctor by myself."  
  
Spike looks poignantly at her nervous hands and shifting feet.  
  
"S'alight. I'll stay here and play daddy for a little while-see what it feels like. I know you don't like doctors, Luv."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Trying to kill time, Willow starts to look around the room.  
  
"You know, Pet. We need to go shopping for you-clothes for me, baby clothes, baby things."  
  
"I guess so; I can't wear sweat pants forever can I?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Guess we need to start another list. Oh, and Buffy'll wanna come, too."  
  
Spike groans.  
  
"We can work that all out later when we get home while you're doing my nails."  
  
Willow grabs his hand to inspect his nails.  
  
"We never did get to that did we?"  
  
"No, Pet. You just let me do yours and invite the wanker into my home and be done with it."  
  
"Well, if it makes you feel better, I really like my nails."  
  
Willow gives him an impish grin.  
  
"Maybe, a little, Luv."  
  
She laughs at his pitiful expression.  
  
"Whatever, Spike."  
  
Just then a tall woman with glasses walks in. Spike stands up on the pretense of shaking her hand while really trying to inspect her.  
  
"Hello, Mr. Rosenberg; Mrs. Rosenberg."  
  
"Oh, no."  
  
"No."  
  
Spike and Willow rush to correct her mistake.  
  
"It's just miss. I'm not married. Spike here is my.he's, well."  
  
"I'm her boyfriend, Luv."  
  
A sad smile pulls at Willow's lips. The doctor looks down at them over her glasses trying to hide the small shake of her head and her disapproval. Just another teen pregnancy where the guy was ready to bolt all because the couple wasn't cautious.  
  
"Oh, I apologize."  
  
The doctor introduces herself and goes about with the general exam then preps Willow for her sonogram. Despite being almost half naked, Willow still feels completely comfortably; more so because Spike is there and she is not alone with a strange person. The doctor lathers Willow's stomach with the jelly and flips on the machine. She points to the other side of the bed near Willow's head.  
  
"You can stand there to see the monitor."  
  
Soon enough black and white blobs appear on the small screen. The doctor points out two sets heads, hands, and legs. Tears form in Willow's eyes and threaten to spill over. Spike seeing this takes her hand and squeezes.  
  
"You're babies look very healthy. Would you like to know the sex?"  
  
Willow looks up from her boys to the doctor.  
  
"Two little boys, right?"  
  
"Yes, how did you know?"  
  
A small smile takes over her lips.  
  
"I just know."  
  
The doctor smiles back.  
  
"Give me a moment, and you'll have a picture to take home with you."  
  
She walks out of the room.  
  
"Look at my little boys, Spike."  
  
"They're beautiful, Pet. You're going to have two strong lads there."  
  
The tears finally spill over, and Spike's thumb moves over to wipe them away. Both continue to stare in awe at the shapes on the monitor. Picture in hand, Willow's doctor walks back in and stops short. She begins to re- evaluate her first impression of the couple. Looking at their children, they seem very happy and very much in love. The tough guy attitude melts from the man. They might just be good parents instead of the teenage buffoons she sees all too often. "Here, Willow, is a picture for you to share with your family and friends. We'll get you cleaned up, and we'll talk about your continuing health needs then you can go."  
  
Sometime later, Willow and Spike return to the car loaded with literature and one very special picture.  
  
"I think it's time we have a baby research party."  
  
"So long as I don't have to be there."  
  
Willow, even with her arms loaded, smacks him.  
  
"Didn't I tell you to leave a bloke alone while driving? I hate reading- never had the patience for it. Plus, I was around for three sisters. I know this stuff."  
  
"You were like what? Five for most of their baby lives? Just brush up for me? Or no baby-sitting. I'll get Xander to do it!"  
  
He gasps.  
  
"You wound me! Fine, Little Owl."  
  
Willow opens one of the books in her lap and begins to read.  
  
"Pet?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"How do you still have insurance?"  
  
"Part of Dad's care package."  
  
"Oh. How did that go?"  
  
"Well, he wants me to call him and keep in touch so he can be part of his grandchildren's lives. He wants to make up for Mom's bad behavior."  
  
"You alright with that?"  
  
"Yeah, everyone deserves a second chance."  
  
Willow returns to reading; Spike keeps driving.  
  
"You know if you ever needed anything, I would have."  
  
"I know, Spike."  
  
She smiles and leans against him as he drives them home.  
  
})i({  
  
Picking up a blanket off the floor, Willow folds it then replaces it on the back of the couch. Spike walks out of his newly walled room simultaneously pulling on a sweater. A gentle smile graces his lips when he sees a now showing Willow cleaning up.  
  
"Stop fidgeting, Little Owl. The place looks fine."  
  
She gives him a petulant look and continues straitening the apartment.  
  
"I just want it to be perfect. Considering it's been four weeks they've been trying to come. If I didn't know better, I'd guess they didn't want to come."  
  
"Well next time, ask the forces of evil to take a weekend off."  
  
Willow snorts.  
  
"Sure and, maybe next time it won't take them a month to finally get here."  
  
Spike standing in the kitchen shakes his head then moves over to Willow. He takes the books out of her hands, sets them down, and sits her down on the couch. Slipping in behind her, he begins to rub her back. While leaning into his magic hands, she sighs.  
  
"You remember to tell everyone, Pet?"  
  
"Yup. I don't think they believe me though because they've canceled so many times." Willow can feel Spike's chuckle through her back.  
  
"Xander's still not too happy about it. Buffy briefed Riley, finally-told him everything, and they're both dealing ok."  
  
"They'd do anything for you, Little Owl."  
  
Red creeps up Willow's neck into her cheeks turning her face into a cherry with red hair. Spike leans closer to where his mouth hangs about her ear.  
  
"I'll even deal with Peaches for you."  
  
She turns to face him inches now from his face.  
  
"Thanks, Spike. It means a lot to me."  
  
He taps her on the nose.  
  
"The only reason I do it. And you need to stop thanking me. It makes a demon blush." "Vampires can't blush, Spike."  
  
She smiles and turns back around, while Spike's hands continue to work a difficult knot out of her back. After a few minutes of peaceful silence, the doorbell resounds throughout the apartment. Instantly, Spike is up and over the back of the couch and heads down the stairs to the front door. As Willow pulls herself out of the couch, Angel and Cordelia appear up the stairs and out of the hole in the floor.  
  
"Willow! You've gotten so big!"  
  
Cordelia rushes to engulf the red head in her arms.  
  
"Cordy! Leave her alone; she's pregnant."  
  
Releasing her friend, Cordelia shrugs and hands her off to Angel who gives her an equally big hug.  
  
"Yeah, Cheerleader. You stay here you've got to be nice."  
  
Willow scowls at Spike.  
  
"You look wonderful, Willow."  
  
"Thanks, Angel."  
  
"I meant that, too."  
  
"I know, Cordy."  
  
If possible, Willow's smile gets wider. She invites them all to sit down. Angel and Cordelia take the couch while Willow establishes herself in a love seat. Before Spike can sit down, Willow grabs his hand.  
  
"Will you get me some orange juice?"  
  
She looks to her guests.  
  
"You guys want anything?"  
  
Both shake their heads while Spike walks to the kitchen. Everyone is talking comfortably when he returns and hands Willow her glass. After taking a quick sip, she places it on the side table. Spike once Willow puts her glass down taps her on the shoulder and motions with his head for her to move forward. She takes the hint and scoots forward in the chair. Jumping up and over the chair, he settles in behind her to recommence his earlier back rub. Angel and Cordy watch with interest. Catching her boss' eye, Cordelia winks and mouths 'interesting'.  
  
"How was the drive-up?"  
  
"Fine. I wouldn't let Cordelia drive so we got here in one piece."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
She lands a vicious smack on Angel's arm. Spike snickers.  
  
"Well, Cordy. You do drive."  
  
"Just leave it there, Willow. She might not be as forgiving as you just were over the 'big' exclamation."  
  
Cordelia has the decency to at least look contrite.  
  
"I'm just glad you finally got here."  
  
"Red, here, was worried you were avoiding us. Thinking you couldn't handle seeing your dear boy again."  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Spike!"  
  
Willow elbows him in the stomach while Angel growls out his name.  
  
"Ok. Considering it's way late, I've been cramped in the car for three hours, and I need beauty sleep why don't we adjourn this lovely reunion."  
  
Willow whispers thank you to Cordy for her wonderfully timed request. Angel and Spike look ready to go at it.  
  
"Sure, Cordy, you are in my room. Angel you can have the floor in there or the couch out here."  
  
"Couch is fine, Willow. Just point me to the blankets."  
  
With Spike's help, Willow gets up followed by Cordelia to get everyone settled in. Half and hour later, Cordelia is happily nestled in Willow's bed; Willow is just turning off Spike's light; and Angel is reading in the family room winding down for the day. He can hear Spike cleaning up in the kitchen.  
  
"Window's are sun-proofed, and the girls'll be quiet in the morning Willow assured me." Angel nods. He turns back to his book waiting for Spike to start to ready his own couch for bed. A few seconds later when Spike doesn't appear near the other couch, Angel looks up to see the last bit of blond hair disappear into his own room. Angel growls fiercely.  
  
Once in his won room, Spike starts to unfurl a bedroll.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Yea, Little Owl?"  
  
"Thanks again for putting up with them."  
  
"Only for you."  
  
Silence again descends as he strips down and puts on pajama pants. Climbing into his makeshift bed, he hears Willow again.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"What, Pet?"  
  
"Do you ever miss it?"  
  
"Miss what?"  
  
"Holding, being held. I think, especially now, that's what I miss the most. Someone to comfort me in the deep parts of the night. I wouldn't take Oz back now even if he does come back, but still I miss it."  
  
He can hear the beginnings of tears but won't go to her in bed until she asks. He's unsure still to her comfort levels sometimes.  
  
"Yeah, I do sometimes. I get lonely at night."  
  
"When I was little and imagined being pregnant there was always this strong guy right behind me. Someone to dote and get me food and hold me when I get emotional and help me explore being pregnant. Someone to pick out names and watch light up when he feels the babies kick. I'm still so alone aren't I?"  
  
"No, Little Owl. Maybe in some ways but not completely."  
  
The air hangs heavily as the silence draws out.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Hold me?"  
  
The whisper, soft and hesitant, is barely over before Spike slips in behind her to spoon around her. His arms go around her belly, softly stroking the slightly swollen area. She reaches down to clasp his hands.  
  
"Thank you for everything, Spike."  
  
"Only for you. Always and forever, Little Owl."  
  
Her breathing slows down, and she drifts off to the comfort of sleep. Spike watches her-his heart restful and full. Things for him are starting to finally feel right; he starts to understand what his father was trying to tell him all those years ago.  
  
})i({  
  
Later that night, Willow wakes up hours later to an aching back and sick tummy. She climbs out of Spike's arms and the bed to pull on her robe a go to the living room. Settling down in a chair by a window she startles when Angel speaks up.  
  
"I don't think Spike should be sleeping in your room. He should be out here with me." Holding a hand to her chest, Willow responds irritably.  
  
"God, Angel, don't scare a pregnant lady like that. And mind your own business with Spike. He's my friend, and this is his home. He can sleep wherever he wants."  
  
"I may be forced to pretend to like the fact that you're living with him, but I will not pretend to like the sleep arrangements. Willow, he's a soulless killer."  
  
The fierce protection Willow heard in his voice was the only thing keeping her from throttling the irate vampire.  
  
"You're not the only one who can change, Angel. Stop believing everything you've done is a mistake or a disaster. Spike is not a mistake. Spike is not a disaster. Get to know him again and you might be proud of the vampire he has matured to be. He's not the blood-thirsty animal you once roamed Europe with. He still needs your help even. He needs the presence and acceptance of his sire, as a father. He is just one of the many good things you have done." Angel shifts uncomfortably under the power of the witch's words.  
  
"He didn't start out that way."  
  
"No, but neither do you. You both just needed a kick in the pants-something more than yourselves-to grow up and become something. Yours was a soul; his was a chip."  
  
"And obviously you."  
  
A deep blush crawls across her face from her neck.  
  
"Maybe. Please, talk to him before you condemn him."  
  
"Fine."  
  
He curtly nods then pulls her in for a tight hug.  
  
"I just don't want to see you hurt, Willow."  
  
"Neither does Spike. Start on that common ground, and you might find something new growing."  
  
Angel acquiesces to the power of her coercion then sends her back to bed so he can do what he does best, brood.  
  
})i({  
  
Buffy glances over at Willow sitting at a table while she and Cordelia stand in line for food. The mall food court is bustling and noisy around them on the Saturday afternoon. So loud in fact, Buffy almost misses Cordelia's question.  
  
"So how long have they been in love?"  
  
"Long enough for it to be obvious to even Xander."  
  
"Wow."  
  
Stunned shock plays on the brunette's face.  
  
"Let me guess though, they're playing the 'I'm-not-good-enough-for-her-cuz- I'm-a blood-sucking-demon' and 'I'm-pregnant-with-twins-who-would-ever-want- me?' game?"  
  
"Exactly. They're blind and too worried about rejection to see what's in front of them."  
  
"Why don't you give it a little push?"  
  
Buffy shrugs.  
  
"Anya and Giles seem to think it'll work itself out. Xander may be friends with Spike now but that doesn't mean he's going to ok his best friend dating him. I just want her happy, but I'm not going to play games with people's emotions."  
  
"Xander and Spike are friends?"  
  
Almost everyone in the mall can hear Cordelia's shout.  
  
"Yup. Something about video games and mortal combat like one hundred million and two or something."  
  
"Wow."  
  
"The amazing power of one red head is all I have to say."  
  
Both girls turn to look and aforementioned red head sitting going through her purchases and looking ready to eat the next person who walks by.  
  
"You can say that again. Spike let us stay at the apartment. Angel came back here to see her-the one place I never though he'd return."  
  
Cordelia smacks her head.  
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy."  
  
"It's ok. I'm dealing. He did what I couldn't. I see that now. Plus, I have Riley; he makes me happy."  
  
"That's good."  
  
"Willow is amazing though. You just apologized to me. I'm sure that can be traced back to her somehow. Anya has even been acting human lately."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Uh, huh. Our Wills is a miracle worker."  
  
They continue to stand in line staring at their friend.  
  
"We should have a shower for her."  
  
"Anya and I were thinking the same thing-do a little something for her."  
  
Cordelia nods. They order and take their food back to the table.  
  
"Took you guys long enough. I'm starving. I had to think up blond, brunette, and red head jokes just to keep myself from jumping someone for food."  
  
Buffy almost drops Willow's tray laughing.  
  
"Blond jokes, Willow?"  
  
"Well, while you guys were standing in line for an eternity, I noticed that the three of us fit that scenario and since everyone is always laughing at me I thought maybe I'd try to be funny."  
  
She grins at the other two then grins even wider when she sees her sweet and sour chicken and hamburger.  
  
"Wills, you never cease to amaze."  
  
"I know. I guess the class I took on it really paid off."  
  
Cordelia and Buffy alike spray food while trying to hold in laughter.  
  
"See I really am funny!"  
  
"Whatever, Wills."  
  
Grinning widely, they finish their lunch to continue shopping.  
  
})i({  
  
Rubbing his eyes, Spike walks out of his room and stumbles into the kitchen.  
  
"Morning, sleepy head."  
  
"Peaches."  
  
Spike growls and pulls out a bag of blood ignoring his sire.  
  
"Have a nice sleep, Spike?"  
  
"Yeah, mate, I did."  
  
At his insolence, Angel grabs him and throws him up against a wall.  
  
"What were you doing with Willow last night?"  
  
Spike tries to throw Angel off; he is unsuccessful.  
  
"None of your business."  
  
Angel growls. Spike makes a decision.  
  
"Just held her. She's emotional right now, and the pup's leaving is weighing heavily on her. She just needed a friend."  
  
"And you were just the *friend* to help her weren't you?"  
  
Spike sighs.  
  
"She needed me, she asked me, so I helped. I'm just trying to be her friend, Peaches."  
  
Angel looks deep into Spike's eyes taking in the disappointment and hope.  
  
"You're in love with her."  
  
This time Spike does manage to throw Angel off.  
  
"No."  
  
"You are. You weren't even like this about Dru. You really care about her. When did you change, Spike?"  
  
Spike sighs in resignation. He can't get around his sire anymore. He has to confront this. "Don't know really. Maybe about the time she walked into the bathroom where they had me chained and dumped a mug of blood on me."  
  
Both vampires fall silent. Angel continues to look at his childe. He begins to catalog all the changes he can make out in him. Standing before him is not the same man he changed nor the same vampire he left all those years ago then walked back in on in a factory with Drusilla.  
  
"How? Who are you now?"  
  
"Have you met Willow? The same girl who gave you back your soul. The same forgiving spirit who then forgave your arse after you tormented her for months. And you ask me how?"  
  
Spike had no idea why he was finally confiding in his sire-all he knew is that it felt good, like talking to your father after a hard day.  
  
"Who knows who I am now? I just know that I'd do anything for that girl. She makes me want to be something more than myself; to live up to whatever potential I have; like I couldn't dare to disappoint her."  
  
Angel nods.  
  
"She is amazing. So why don't you tell her?"  
  
"Leave it, Peaches. I've put all your fears to rest I'm sure. Just go back to your poofy detective agency and leave us alone."  
  
"Can't. Won't. She's my friend, too. You're my childe. Despite what you think I never stopped caring."  
  
Spike snorts. Angel makes a decision.  
  
"I messed up, Spike. I never should have left. But I was thrown for a loop. I didn't know what to do."  
  
"Yeah, shit happens. It happened to me. Don't see me running away."  
  
"Maybe I'm not as strong as you are."  
  
There it was-an olive branch, strong and new, extended from sire to childe, from father to son. Everything that was and everything that could be were tied up in those seven words and one contraction. Spike just had to take it. He could complete the circle started over a century ago with his father. He could reaccept his sire and have the presence he so desperately needs in his life. Or he could rebuff it with a few carefully chosen words and lose it all-lose everything he had built in the past few months.  
  
"You could have been if you had stayed. We would have helped."  
  
Angel lets out a held breath for all his not needing to breathe.  
  
"If we could only do it over again."  
  
"Sure, Peaches, a lot."  
  
Each vampire smiles at the other.  
  
"You still need to tell her though. I'd wager my soul that she feels the same."  
  
"I said leave it."  
  
"No, fuck the 'she deserves, I deserve, I'm a monster' crap. Life, unlife, is too short, Spike. No one will think any better for what you give up. Life is about the joy you find and who you can make happy along with it. If you've found it then take it. Don't ever let it get away-some of us don't have the luxury you have.  
  
Spike looks up.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Loving completely, fully, all-consuming and being loved the same in return. Maybe it's not that far yet, but it could be. Some people will never find that love. Some of us will find it without ever actualizing it. Don't give her up because you were too scared to be the man you've grown to be. All the pain, all the glory isn't worth it if you're not willing to give up everything you are for it then rebuild yourself in its wake. Don't give up happiness just because you don't believe you deserve it. We all deserve it even down to asses like you. Love is a gift; Willow's love is a rare gift at that. Take what you've been given and cherish it. Cherish her. Don't let her go, William."  
  
Spike is for once in his very long existence is lost for words. Silence hands heavily between them.  
  
"You think it could be all of that."  
  
"I've been here for less than twenty four hours, and as much as I hate to admit it, I think it could be more than that."  
  
"Or maybe you're just trying to be your meddling wanker self."  
  
"No, Spike, I just want you to be happy. Willow makes you happy. Forget what being a vampire is supposed to be about. Forget what being a man is supposed to be about. Build a new life in the glow of her light and on the foundation of what your heart tells you. You always had a beautiful heart; it's why I changed you. You have possibility. You just need to stop running from it."  
  
Spike smiles wistfully.  
  
"My father told me something like that once. Dru, too."  
  
Before Angel can respond, Xander's voice floats up the stairs and the moment is gone-broken for the time being. Old wounds are salved though, and the chasm between sire and childe is no longer too far.  
  
"Hey Junior! You ready to get your ass whooped?"  
  
"Not bloody likely, Chubs."  
  
Xander's head appears out of the hole in the floor. He has a goofy grin on his face that immediately falls when he spies Angel.  
  
"So Deadboy finally made it; didn't think he was actually going to come as many times as they cancelled. Which means Wills must be out shopping with Cordy? Never thought I'd live to see that day."  
  
"Me neither, Chubs."  
  
Angel sits and gawks as Xander grabs a water bottle from the fridge, and Spike starts to set up the PS2 system. The brunette settles down next to Spike and takes up his controller. "We got busy. We needed to be in LA."  
  
"Shut up, Peahes, you're ruining my concentration."  
  
Angel can't help but continue to stare openly at the two figures on the floor amiably playing video games.  
  
"When did this happen."  
  
"What?"  
  
Spike responds without looking up from his figure on the screen.  
  
"You two, getting along."  
  
"Wills had me over one night."  
  
"I was beating the pants off of her."  
  
"She wanted my help."  
  
"The moron and I started playing."  
  
Xander looks up to finish once he loses his last life.  
  
"It grew into a beautiful friendship."  
  
Mockingly, Xander reaches over to ruffle Spike's hair knowing the result. Spike violently flinches and attempts to punch the teen before he is thrown back in agony by the chip.  
  
"Bloody pillock. Don't touch the hair!"  
  
"Whipped puppy."  
  
"Sod off."  
  
"Fangless wonder."  
  
Before Spike can get another retort in, Angel speaks up.  
  
"So let me get this strait, Willow wanted help with video games. Xander came over. You two started playing and became friends."  
  
"Yup, it's a testimony to my pal's power to bring people together."  
  
"I think you are just so much a loser that you didn't have anyone else to play with."  
  
Vampire and teen glare menacingly at each other. They spend the rest of the afternoon squabbling like siblings while trying to out do each other as video games. Angel sits back watching and smiling, content. Only Willow could make those two friends. Only Willow could have changed Spike. For once in his long existence, Angel feels like everything just might turn out alright.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow sets the last plate down on the table and looks up to her closed bedroom door. She smiles and sighs. Spike comes up behind her.  
  
"Angel and Buffy still going at it, Little Owl?"  
  
Willow hits him.  
  
"There is no 'going at it.' They're just talking."  
  
Spike winks and raises a scarred eyebrow.  
  
"Sure, they've been in there since you girls got back and all that's going on is talking."  
  
Willow frowns then walks over to her door. Before knocking she listens for a moment but can only hear quiet voices without being able to make out actual words. She eventually gives up eavesdropping and knocks.  
  
"Angel, Buffy, dinner's ready. We're all ready to sit down."  
  
Laughing, the couple emerges from emerges. Buffy mouths 'I'll fill you in later.' Happy now that she'll get the full scoop, Willow smiles and follows them to the table where everyone is sitting.  
  
After dinner while washing the dishes, Willow's curiosity gets the better of her.  
  
"So.you and Angel in my room for two hours."  
  
"So?"  
  
Willow tries to towel snap Buffy's leg.  
  
"Alright, alright. We just talked. I know that sounds lame. But we caught up on what the other was doing. I mean at first was awkward, but then it was just."  
  
"Nice?"  
  
"Yeah, nice. It still hurts but not so much anymore. We also talked about you."  
  
Willow tuts at the blonde's coy smile.  
  
"What could you two possibly have said about me?"  
  
"Well, Angel seems pretty excited about the babies. He wants to help anyway he can. He was going on about visiting here and then when the boys are older taking them to LA. It was weird to see him so giddy about it."  
  
The red head giggles.  
  
"These little guys seem to inspire that."  
  
"That they do, Wills. He also seems to think that your roommate is pretty head over heals for you."  
  
Buffy looks over to gauge her best friends reaction. Willow's mouth falls open, and she starts to babble incoherently.  
  
"Spike? Me? Like.head over heals.me? Spike?"  
  
"Willow, deep breaths. I don't completely disagree with him."  
  
"Buffy, no. There's just no way. He would never reciprocate."  
  
"Ha! I knew it. So this isn't a disgusted babble-it's a no-way-in-hell-cuz- I'm-just-little-old-me babble."  
  
Willow's puts on her resolve face.  
  
"Enough, Buffy. No more joking. Just leave it alone. I don't want to talk about it. Oz left. I'm not going through that again. He's a good friend. I'm not going to much that up."  
  
Buffy sighs.  
  
"Fine, just look at him sometime. Watch how he watches you."  
  
"Buffy! Drop it!"  
  
Willow adds a smack for punctuation. Buffy goes back to washing the pots and pans deciding to bring it up another time.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow, craving a midnight snack of peanut butter, honey, and banana sandwiches, crawls out of Spike's arms and exits her room. Before she can reach the kitchen however, Angel's voice interrupts her. Forgetting he was there, she jumps almost to the ceiling for the second time in as many nights.  
  
"Angel! Don't do that to a pregnant woman. I thought we already went over this. I need to keep my heart from dying!"  
  
Sheepishly, Angel apologizes.  
  
"Sorry, Willow. I didn't mean to frighten you. I forget how quite I am sometimes. Why are you still up? It's late. Good little mothers-to-be should be in bed with their vampires."  
  
Willow glares.  
  
"I was hungry. And Spike isn't my vampire. He's a friend."  
  
"Mmhmm."  
  
Angel is thoroughly unconvinced so he follows her to the kitchen. After preparing her three sandwich snack, Willow joins the smirking vampire at the table.  
  
"So friends sleep with friends now?"  
  
"Sometimes. It is just sleeping anyway. No innuendo there. Nope. Nuh, uh."  
  
"It would be ok if there was innuendo, Willow."  
  
The red head spits a banana across the room, barely missing Angel's gelled hair. "Good shot. Too bad you didn't get my hair though, Spike might have had a holiday."  
  
Willow smiles.  
  
"Seriously though, Willow, I talked to him today. He's changed. You changed him. He's good for you. He'll be good for your sons."  
  
Willow almost chokes, again.  
  
"What? Who are you, and what have you done with our Angel? Where is the Angel I talked to last night?"  
  
A deep rumbling chuckle emanates from the brunette seated across from her.  
  
"I'm your Angel, maybe a little more mature than when you last saw me. Seems everyone has done some growing up since graduation. Not to mention our talk earlier."  
  
"I guess we did. Never thought you'd listen for once, though."  
  
"Sometimes, even I can surprise people. But even Spike has changed, Willow. He's not the same vampire I once knew."  
  
"No, he's not. But I never expected you to be ok with that or even see that. I thought I would have to spend hours more in deep conversation just convincing you to stay with us, let alone let him take care of me."  
  
"I've learned to watch a little better now, Willow. After Buffy, I try to think things through first."  
  
Willow giggles.  
  
"You guys did tend to do the wacky around each other."  
  
Angel nods.  
  
"Are you two ok now?"  
  
Willow looks up hesitantly from her last sandwich, unsure as to how Angel will take her last question.  
  
"Yes, I think we finally are. It will always hurt. She will always have a place in my heart, but we both realize that this is for the best-that we can both be better and do better apart."  
  
"Vampires and humans are just doomed I guess."  
  
"No, Willow. Vampires and a slayer are doomed. You and Spike could work out."  
  
He holds up a hand to hush her protests.  
  
"I know you're not ready to hear it yet. But he cares deeply for you and your children. Be at least open to possibilities."  
  
Angel stands and leans over to give Willow a chaste kiss on the cheek. Returning to his couch, he leaves Willow in deep contemplation, finishing her last sandwich of peanut butter, banana, and honey. Spike wakes up a little later bereft of her and finds her there still thinking and brings her back to bed. This time Angel watches with a soft smile gracing his lips as Spike disappears into Willow's room.  
  
})i({  
  
The group of four stands in Spike's garage as Cordy and Angel prepare to leave.  
  
"Be careful driving, Cordy. Angel just might get over his aversion to sun if you don't."  
  
Cordelia shakes her head as he hugs the giggling red head. Next she moves to Spike and gives him a quick squeeze while whispering in his ear.  
  
"Thanks and don't let her go."  
  
Too shocked to respond, Spike just squeezes back. The vampires stare at each other for a moment the join in a fierce hug.  
  
"Take care, Sire."  
  
"Be good, Childe. And remember to tell her."  
  
Lastly, Angel approaches Willow. He motions to Cordy to get something out of the back seat. True to form, he enfolds her in a big, brotherly hug.  
  
"I have one last thing for you, Willow."  
  
Just then a large Irish wolfhound puppy bounds out of the back seat of his car.  
  
"He's here to take care of you when I can't. Also, to keep an eye on Spike."  
  
Spike growls; Willow beams.  
  
"Thank you, Angel. He's adorable."  
  
"Your welcome."  
  
"Come back soon."  
  
Cordy and Angel synchronized look at Spike.  
  
"Sure, the Cheerleader and the Poof can come back anytime. It at least keeps things interesting."  
  
Another round of quick hugs is given then the LA couple is off into the afternoon sun leaving a small family behind. Spike with his arm around the now-showing Willow and their new dog at her feet look the picture of the happy family waving off a recent visit. Willow realizes as she sees the picture they make how right it all could feel.  
  
})i({  
  
"Why Ty, Little Owl?"  
  
"Ty is short for Tyler."  
  
Spike makes a motion with his hands for her to go on.  
  
"Tyler Dirden."  
  
"You want your dog to be the anarchist murdering multiple personality of an insomniac?"  
  
"No!"  
  
Willow throws her hands up in exacerbation.  
  
"Ty for Tyler because Tyler Dirden is the best name in the first movie we ever watched together. You know, that movie night a long time ago."  
  
The vampire's mouth falls open in a very unbecoming manner. He had no idea.  
  
"That's fun, Pet. Ty it is then."  
  
"Yup, Ty it is. In honor of us."  
  
Spike sighs. He really didn't want acknowledge the moment right now. Doing that would be admitting the poof was right.  
  
})i({  
  
White blond hair appears out of the hole in the floor. Walking out of the kitchen, Willow notices her roommate arriving home. She looks down at the dog at her feet as if to ask 'Why didn't you warn me?' Ty has an amazing penchant for telling friend from foe and protecting those friends' secrets and tricks.  
  
"Hey, Spike."  
  
"'ello, Red. I've got something for you."  
  
"OO! What?!"  
  
She starts to bounce on her toes. Ty does as well trying to get Willow the attention she wants. Spike pulls something out from behind her back. The excitement turns to confusion on her face.  
  
"A chalkboard? Why do I need a chalkboard?"  
  
Spike shakes his head and with out stretched hands raises his eyes to heaven.  
  
"Names, Luv. It's for the baby names. We can put it up in the kitchen and keep track of potential baby names instead of using random pieces of paper in my pockets."  
  
Willow squeals and runs to hug Spike. Barking loudly, Ty adds his enthusiasm. Easily, Spike's hands go around Willow holding her tightly to him.  
  
"Thank you. It's great!"  
  
Pulling back, Willow graces him with a sunshine smile. He can't help but mirror her mirth.  
  
"One more thing, Red."  
  
He hands her a clumsily wrapped package. Willow reverently pulls off each piece of tape to reveal a hand-crafted stained-glass picture frame.  
  
"For the sonogram picture."  
  
Willow turns the frame over several times in her hands. Tears start to wet her eyes despite her bright smile.  
  
"Oh, Spike. It's wonderful. Thank you."  
  
He wipes away the single tear that falls down her cheek.  
  
"Only for you, Little Owl. I saw it and thought it would be perfect for the little brats' first picture."  
  
"You're right. It is perfect."  
  
She gives him another hug and this time can't seem to let go. Maybe Buffy and Angel were right. Maybe she and her vampire could work. The possibility seemed sweeter and sweeter everyday.  
  
})i({  
  
"Xander, take the bags!"  
  
The brunette shakes his head and continues to stand with his arms crossed. Willow laughs and pushes her shopping bags into his chest.  
  
"Xander.if you don't take them then I can't get the key out of my pocket to open the door. I don't think you want to stay out here forever."  
  
Xander shakes his head.  
  
"Nope. You made fun of my dance, Wills."  
  
She attempts to hide a giggle and look contrite.  
  
"Sorry, Xand, but it wasn't one of you better ones. Please, take the bags. I'm almost to the point where if I put them down, I don't think I could pick them back up."  
  
"Pff. Whatever, you're only eighteen weeks pregnant. You're not even really fat yet."  
  
Willow hits him with her shopping bags which Xander catches and holds.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Rolling her eyes, she grabs her keys and unlocks the door. Ty comes up to greet her once they're up the stairs. But there is no blond vampire to be seen. Both reach down to affectionately pet Willow's new guard dog.  
  
"Blondie sleeping?"  
  
Willow answers as she drops her bags. Xander's follow hers.  
  
"Probably, why you have a hankering for PS2?"  
  
Xander shrugs.  
  
"Guess I better get back to Anya then. Let you get to unpacking all that stuff."  
  
He gestures at the shopping bag covered floor.  
  
"Xander Harris! You just want to get out of unpacking and folding!"  
  
"That and avoid the jealous wrath of one ex-man-killing-demon. I'm afraid if I stay away too long then she'll start talking about wanting to have a baby or two."  
  
Willow gasps in horror while Xander smiles. She then gives him a quick hug and business him down the stairs.  
  
"Go home, Xand. Placate the demon girlfriend."  
  
"Ok. Tell Fang to get you safe to Giles' tonight or else."  
  
"Alright."  
  
She waits until she hears the door shut down stairs before moving completely into the apartment looking for Spike.  
  
"Ty find Spikey."  
  
Her dog just looks up with wet eyes and wags his tail. Willow shakes her head but pets him anyway. Spike is nowhere to be seen. Willow however does hear the faint strums of a guitar floating through the air. Picking up her entourage of bags, Willow walks into her room deposits them, then shuffles over to Spike's door.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
Curiously, she wanders into his room. Sitting on his bed with his back to her, Spike is playing an acoustic guitar. He steps when he hears his roommate call his name.  
  
"Have fun shopping with Chubs?"  
  
Willow joins him on the bed. She ignores the 'chubs' remark. It's a lost cause.  
  
"Yup. I have a whole new wardrobe."  
  
"Good."  
  
His fingers start to pick out a few chords.  
  
"I didn't know you could play."  
  
"Have for a good six decades."  
  
"Let me guess-another way to keep yourself occupied during the day."  
  
Spike smiles.  
  
"Yea, Little Owl."  
  
"You picked up a lot of things."  
  
"Had to."  
  
"Guess so. Crazy girlfriend, hyperactive tendencies."  
  
Spike chuckles indignantly.  
  
"I am not hyperactive."  
  
Willow raises her eyebrows.  
  
"Spikey, vampire-mine, you smoke and you don't breathe; you vacuum your room sometimes twice daily; each item of clothing you own if not folded neatly gets ironed, including your jeans. You learned how to apply acrylic nails and play guitar when you should have been sleeping. Not only are you hyperactive but I think you might be obsessive compulsive as well."  
  
Spike scoffs at her.  
  
"Right, Pet."  
  
"I should know. I'm in psych!"  
  
Her smile enhances the sarcasm in her voice.  
  
"So play something for me."  
  
He looks down at the strings thinking then retunes the guitar. When he plays the first few chords, Willow squeals.  
  
"I love this song!"  
  
Spike grins while stills strumming and begins to sing.  
  
And even though the moment passed me by  
  
I still can't turn away  
  
I saw the dreams you never thought you'd lose  
  
Tossed along the way  
  
Letters that you never meant to send  
  
Are lost and blown away  
  
And now we've grown up orphans I never knew their names  
  
We don't belong to no one, that's a shame  
  
You could hide beside me, maybe for awhile  
  
And I won't tell no one your name  
  
I won't tell your name  
  
The scar's a souvenir she'd never lose  
  
The past is never far  
  
And did you lose yourself somewhere out there  
  
Did you get to be a star  
  
Don't it make you sad to know that life  
  
Is more than who we are  
  
You grew up way too fast  
  
Now there's nothing to believe  
  
The reruns all become my history  
  
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio  
  
And I won't tell no one your name  
  
And I won't tell your name  
  
I think about you all the time  
  
But I don't need to think  
  
If it's lonely where you are, come back down  
  
And I won't tell your name  
  
Unsure of himself, Spike glances over at his friend when he finishes. Willow gives him a small but reassuring smile.  
  
"You have a beautiful voice."  
  
"Like my sexy hands?"  
  
Willow's face does a convincing imitation of a cherry.  
  
"Sure, Spike."  
  
He waggles his eyebrows at her suggestively.  
  
"You have such a big ego."  
  
"That's not the only part of me that's big."  
  
Willow's countenance deepens another ten shades of crimson, surpassing even her hair. Feeling the heat of her face radiating, Willow gets indignant and smacks his arm.  
  
"Just keeping things interesting, Pet."  
  
Willow shakes her head and pats his leg.  
  
"I'm gonna make some dinner for me and my two boarders. Feeling 'peckish'?"  
  
"No."  
  
The red head watches as he lovingly puts his guitar in its case and stows the case under his bed. Spike stands then helps Willow up. Following her out the door to the kitchen, Spike with the same loving care lays a hand on the small of her back.  
  
"What do you want? I'll make it for you-let you get some homework done."  
  
She turns and gives him a grin.  
  
"Ok."  
  
While Spike goes to the kitchen, Willow goes to her room to retrieve her bag and books.  
  
"I love this reduced schedule deal."  
  
"What, Little Owl?"  
  
"I reduced the number of classes I'm taking for the second semester."  
  
"Oh. Is that how you went shopping with the moron today?"  
  
"Uh, huh. I just have to make them up some summer down the line."  
  
Spike nods and starts pulling out pots and food, feeling comfortingly domestic.  
  
"You know, Pet. I'll baby-sit next year so you can go fulltime to school."  
  
He holds up a hand to forestall Willow's thanks.  
  
"Only for you, Little Owl."  
  
})i({  
  
Willow looks up when she feels a hand on her head; up into cobalt eyes.  
  
"I'm leaving to go to the library."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I just need to do a little research."  
  
"Don't hurt yourself."  
  
Without further explanation, he winks and leaves. Willow shrugs and turns back to her calculus book. Ty again settles at her feet unperturbed by Spike's sudden absence. Before Willow can finish her first problem, someone is knocking at the door. Willow, with great exertion, heaves herself out of the couch and waddles down to the door.  
  
"Xander, if you forgot your key again."  
  
Stopping mid-sentence, Willow just stares at Oz standing in the doorway.  
  
"Hi, Willow."  
  
The red head continues to stare. While he waits for the shock to run its course Oz takes in some of the major changes in his ex-girlfriend, notably the swollen belly. Then it all comes together-the conversation with Devon, his insistence he come in person, Willow's shock.  
  
"Oz."  
  
She steps back form the door allowing Oz room to step in. He follows her up the stairs and to a couch. Ty starts to growl immediately upon Oz entering the room. Willow hushes him with a pat to his head and a few curt words. Oz takes a seat across from Willow and the dog. There's no need for a fight to start out. He markedly looks at her midsection eventually raising his eyes to meet hers.  
  
"So I guess this is what you needed to tell me."  
  
"Uh, huh. Although, I had lost hope you would actually come to talk to me."  
  
"I was busy."  
  
The voice cold and calculating chills Willow. This is not the same man she once loved; the same man whose children she carried.  
  
"Boy or Girl?"  
  
"Two little boys."  
  
Oz snorts. Willow sniffles back tears. She finds herself looking around for Spike rushing to comfort her, but she remembers he is not there. Oz uncharacteristically decides to break the silence.  
  
"So what do you want from me?"  
  
Tears spring anew to the dams behind her eyes. Ty sensing his mistresses' pain starts to growl deep in the back of his throat. Oz is tempted to respond in kind; the wolf in him begging to show the pup a lesson.  
  
"I thought you might want to be a part of your son's lives. I also need to ask you some things about the werewolf."  
  
Off-handedly without any regard for the woman he loved once, Oz responds.  
  
"Oh, don't worry. It isn't passed through the male line-just a scratch or a bite or through the mother. And I don't see why you need me."  
  
Willow calms herself before speaking, desperately trying to hold on to her dignity. "What cold part of yourself did you find on your journey that you thought was so much better?"  
  
Oz shrugs.  
  
"I improved."  
  
He then stands. The growl from the floor turns to a bark.  
  
"I found the wolf to be a little more agreeable than we all thought. I have to leave though; don't have room for two little tykes in my life right now. And you better control your dog."  
  
Willow gasps at the implied threat. Once the door slams downstairs, the dam behind her eyes splinter and break. She is helpless in front of the deluge of tears. She lets them come and collapses on the couch. Ty in his infinite love comes to her rescue and wiggles himself onto her lap. Glad for his comfort, Willow just hugs him tightly and sobs.  
  
The prevailing scent that hits Spike when he walks in is salt tears. Overwhelming in their intensity, Spike rushes to find his red head. She is asleep on the couch, using Ty for a pillow, dry tear marks staining her pale face. He is to her and has her in his arms before Willow wakes up. Ty reluctantly relinquishes his master without a fight. Willow wakes up pleasantly surprised to be in Spike's arms as he reverently strokes her hair and wipes the remaining wetness from her face.  
  
"Hormone moment, Little Owl?"  
  
She shakes her head.  
  
"No, found out the boys aren't going to be werewolves."  
  
"I know, Pet. Giles and I were working on that tonight. Did he call?"  
  
"No, Oz told me. Then he said he didn't want anything to do with his children. And he's gone. He left again."  
  
There it was. Something he knew was coming and Willow knew was coming if she admitted it to herself but still didn't ebb the storm. Damn pregnant hormones.  
  
"Ok. I'm done. Maybe that was just a little bit of a pregnant moment."  
  
Willow smiles slyly.  
  
"You do have a right to be upset over Oz leaving you in the dust."  
  
"I'm not really in the dust."  
  
Willow looks from her hands, eyes shinning with something Spike can't recognize.  
  
"No, Pet, you're not."  
  
Willow pecks Spike on the cheek then goes to the bathroom to clean up. Stunned, Spike sits there hand grazing over the kissed cheek wondering what the hell just happened.  
  
})i({  
  
Spike walks into the apartment just as the sun starts to appear over the horizon to the sound of Willow heaving in the bathroom. Throwing his duster over then back of a chair, he moves to the bathroom. Ty is sitting outside annoyed at being left out. Spike knocks lightly on the door.  
  
"Go away, Spike!"  
  
He ignores her and goes in anyway leaving Ty in the hall. Spike after grabbing a hair tie out of a cupboard pulls her hair back and fastens it.  
  
"Leave me be. No need to stare at the nasty, sick, little girl."  
  
Ignoring her again completely, Spike proceeds to mop her forehead with a cold washcloth.  
  
"You're not nasty, Little Owl. Just sick. Now get it all up and out of your system." He sits on the tub to rub her back while the morning sickness runs its course.  
  
})i({  
  
Anya is curled up on the couch with Xander. Buffy and Riley share a love seat. Some random movie plays in front of them. Ty lays at the foot of Willow's chair snoring happily. And Spike is watching Willow struggle to get comfortable. At five months pregnant especially with twins and a small frame, Willow's body has been taken hostage. Her back aches, her feet are swollen from walking around campus, and Spike knows she still isn't used to it all-she still can't sit down long contentedly.  
  
Without anyone noticing, he sneaks out of his chair and appears behind Willow's love seat.  
  
"Scoot foreword, Luv."  
  
Looking up at him, she slides to the edge of the seat. Again without drawing attention to himself and without Ty giving him away, he vaults over the chair. Willow leans back into Spike. Instinctually, his hands find the swell of her belly and beings to stroke it tenderly. Finally finding her comfortable seat, she watches the movie.  
  
Buffy finding her arm has fallen asleep shifts to change into a less blood depriving position. Her eyes land on Spike and Willow. He has one hand still stroking her womb while the other has sought out her back working a knot out of the small of it. Jade green eyes close in momentary pleasure- the shadow of a smile gracing her lips. Across the room, Buffy's face bares the bright light of the smile whose shadow falls on Willow's face.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow looks up at Xander as he strolls through Giles's door. The smile leaves her face.  
  
"Don't look so blue, Wills. It could give me a complex."  
  
That brings the smile back. The brunette flops down beside her.  
  
"Who are you so anxiously waiting for?"  
  
Absently, while turning a page, Willow answers.  
  
"Spike. He's bringing me a snack."  
  
"Oh!"  
  
"No, Xander, you cannot have my food. I'm eating for three. Find your 'growing boy' nourishment somewhere else."  
  
Xander pouts-lips jutted out, eyes shinning with fake tears. Willow smacks him. "Ow! Wait.he didn't let you walk over here by yourself."  
  
"No, put away your pick ax. I came with Buffy after class. He was picking up food and coming over after sunset."  
  
As she says it the golden orb sinks beneath the trees. Willow starts to salivate. Before she resorts to knowing on the book in her lap, Spike arrives.  
  
"Wonderful! My delivery boy!"  
  
Spike growls when Xander howls with laughter.  
  
"Come on, Spike! I'm hungry!"  
  
"Only for you, Little Owl."  
  
A ghost white hand slips into a pocket pulling out a jar of pickles then sour cream. Out of another pocket comes some cheese and honey mustard sauce. He starts ruffling through some more pockets looking for the last bits: peanut butter, cold spaghetti noodles, and Tabasco sauce mixed together in a Tupperware container. Xander gags.  
  
"God, Willow. That's nasty."  
  
"This coming from the human garbage disposal."  
  
"Blame my boarders. They're demanding little fellows."  
  
Spike smiles. Xander rolls his eyes. There's a slight scratching noise at the door.  
  
"Spike! Did you leave Ty outside? If you bring him you can't do that!"  
  
Spike looks mildly sheepish but mostly shrugs it off with his jacket to settle in a couch. Willow heaves herself up and lets him in. When she sits back down, Ty settles at her feet. Giles wanders in nose in a book.  
  
"See that he behaves."  
  
"Ty always does. It's Spike we have to watch out for. He can make horrible messes on the carpet."  
  
Willow bites into her snack with a flourish and smiles triumphantly at Spike who sticks his tongue out at her. They all settle in for a long night of research.  
  
})i({  
  
"AHH!"  
  
Spike slams into wakefulness with the force of a freight train. He throws on a pair of jeans then rushes to find his screaming roommate.  
  
"Red?"  
  
"In here, Spike. Come here!"  
  
He discovers her lying in her bed holding her stomach.  
  
"Everything alright?"  
  
She nods and reaches for his hands. Spike doesn't hesitate to relinquish his hands to her as he sits down.  
  
She puts his hands on her womb, and Spike feels jumping.  
  
"They decided they were bored and wanted to play soccer with each other."  
  
In awe, the vampire smiles.  
  
"Bloody hell, Little Owl."  
  
Willow giggles causing her belly to shake more.  
  
"Sometimes I think you have too much fun, Pet."  
  
Willow snorts.  
  
"Yeah especially when they wake me up in the middle of the night or when my back is in so much pain I can't walk or I have to pee every half and hour."  
  
Wordlessly Spike takes the hint and pulls himself to sit behind her. A relieved moan escapes the mother-to-be when his hands touch her back. Regardless of lost sleep and achy hands, Spike just smiles-his heart wonderfully warm and alive and his feat firmly planted on the ground.  
  
})i({  
  
Spike walks in from patrolling to find Willow sobbing on the couch; Ty whimpering at his mistress's feet. He runs to her searching for injuries.  
  
"What happened? What's wrong?"  
  
He frantically checks each limb. Willow just points at the TV where the seven-up guy is currently standing in the middle of the freeway. Spike can't help but laugh which makes Willow start to cry harder.  
  
"Sorry, Little Owl, it's the seven-up bloke! What could he have done?"  
  
Willow uses his shirt sleeve to wipe her nose.  
  
"Its *sob* not him. There *sob* was *sob* another commercial."  
  
Laughter still in his eyes, Spike decides to take pity on pregnant hormones.  
  
"What commercial, Pet?"  
  
"There was this commercial *sob* with *sob* with *sob* with *big gulping sobs*."  
  
Spike pulls her close.  
  
"Ok, deep breaths, Red. Settle down."  
  
Willow inhales deeply then begins again.  
  
"This commercial-I don't *sob* remember what it was for, *sob* but it had a dad *sob* with two little boys. They said *sob* they said having a baby *sob* changes everything."  
  
Then Spike got it-dad.boys.babies.Oz.  
  
"It's alright, Pet. It's just hormones. You don't want the pup around the boys anyway. You'll do fine without him." "Are you insinuating that I'm being maudlin for no reason?! I'm not being overly emotional! There are no hormones here! I'm just upset."  
  
Willow stomps off to her room. Shaking his head and grinning, Spike follows.  
  
"Little Owl, come on. Open the door."  
  
"No!"  
  
"It's alright. Oz is a dog. You don't need him, and you'll feel better with some tea. Let me make you some tea then we can touch up your nails."  
  
Silence looms on the other side of the door. Spike lowers his head then concedes.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
The door opens a crack.  
  
"Really? And you'll do my nails?"  
  
"Sure, they are getting pretty ratty."  
  
Willow breaks into a sunshine grin through the clouds of her tears.  
  
"Ok."  
  
"I've even got some new names for you."  
  
Willow, grin still nailed to her face, takes the proffered arm and comes out of her room. She goes back to the couch and falls down; this time with the TV off. Her roommate brings her tissues and tea then pulls out the nail supplies.  
  
"Remember, Pet. You're too good for him. Don't waste yourself on anyone who doesn't love you."  
  
Through the haze of her pain her heart smiles and slowly a decision is forming in her mind to match the conviction of her soul.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow turns over again trying to find a pleasant position to sleep in. A quick glance to the neon numbers on her bedside table shows 4:15 in the morning. Again she tries to get comfortable. A few minutes though affords her no such luck so she gives up and manages to pull herself out of bed. Willow waddles over to her closet to retrieve a robe.  
  
"Goddess, I fee like a penguin. Waddling! I waddle!"  
  
She continues to mumble as she walks out to the TV room. As she approaches she can hear the soft strands of Spike's acoustic guitar.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
He looks up from the strings.  
  
"Couldn't sleep, Little Owl?"  
  
"No. The boarders aren't cooperating."  
  
She settles in the couch near his arm chair. Spike reaches out to lovingly caress her large belly.  
  
"You two need to give your mum a break and stop keeping her up."  
  
Willow giggles.  
  
"Play something for us. Music is good for them."  
  
"Sure, Pet."  
  
Willow leans back and puts her feet up as he starts to play. She smiles softly as he keeps up the music, song after song. The sun starts to come up later as Spike finally puts down his guitar. After his instrument is tucked away in its case, he slips in behind the red head on the sofa.  
  
"Time is it, Spike?"  
  
"Shh. Just go back to sleep. I'll wake you up in time to get to campus."  
  
He starts to sing softly again to her while rubbing her stomach lulling her back into a dream world. Her breath slows with her heartbeat. Spike smiles and closes his eyes relishing in his warmth and light.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow looks down at filed nails as Spike begins to add more acrylic goo. A thought pops into her mind with a ferocious tenacity that will not allow it to be dropped.  
  
"Do you miss it?"  
  
Per usual Spike does not miss a beat but continues to flawlessly fill-in her nails while trying to follow her train of thought.  
  
"Miss what, Little Owl?"  
  
"The killing; the death. You know, life without the chip."  
  
That however floors Spike who misses her middle finger completely and has to rush to wipe off the quickly hardening goo. He sighs deeply then gazes up into her eyes.  
  
"Sometimes."  
  
"Enough to have it removed."  
  
"No, Pet. I may have done it for quite a few years and every once in awhile I miss the adrenaline rush, but I think I've found something better- something I never thought could fulfill me the way killing did."  
  
For the first time in his unlife, Spike smiles shyly and ducks his head. Willow allows his words to settle into herself forming a glow in her heart.  
  
"I'm glad you finally saw the fruitlessness in destroying things. Try creating something and the world takes on a whole new meaning."  
  
"And here mum thought I was the poet."  
  
Both glance at each other, falling deep into the jewel tone of the other's eyes.  
  
"I have been taking writing classes, you know."  
  
"I know, Little Owl. I know."  
  
He bestows a secretive wink on her. Willow's insides turn into a substance much like the goo Spike is placing on her nails.  
  
})i({  
  
"What if I do love him?"  
  
Buffy's head snaps up from her dorm-food lunch.  
  
"I knew it!"  
  
"So when did it happen?"  
  
Willow smiles wistfully.  
  
"Sometimes I think I fell in love with him about the same time he was shoving a bottle in my face."  
  
Buffy nods, motioning with her hands for her friend to continue.  
  
"Tell me, Wills. Tell me why you love him."  
  
Willow's eyes flutter shut for a moment while she tries to center herself. She inhales deeply.  
  
"He ushers me through doors when we go anywhere, even in the apartment. He opens doors then places his hand on the small of my back and guides me through it."  
  
"You love him for a chauvinistic gesture?"  
  
"No, because he thinks of me first. I'm not an afterthought he holds the door for. I'm the person he lets go first. He invited me into the privacy of his apartment without qualms or me even having to beg. He's financed every shopping trip, intends to baby-sit so I can continue to go to school, he's been there when I needed him most."  
  
"So it's a gratitude thing. Because I don't anyone would appreciate that sort of love. Especially someone as loved-starved as Spike is."  
  
"No! It's a kindness and friendship thing. He did all of those things because he cares, and he's not afraid so show me I'm his friend. He may not love me, but the way he loves, the way he cares makes me love him. The person he has become makes me love him. And the little things, little things that remind me of our friendship just make me love him more."  
  
"Oh, Wills, that's so beautiful. And he does love you. I'm sure."  
  
Both girls by now are crying in the middle of Buffy's dorm room, holding tightly to one another for comfort.  
  
"Maybe, but I hope to all things good that you're right. Because when I'm with him things feel right and good and safe. Remember, Buffy, life is gray area. You can't make it black and white. You can't categorize. Please, don't file him away in the blood-sucking-demon category. He's so much more than that."  
  
"I know, Willow. I have no doubt he's good enough for you. Even though he might be loyal and faithful to a fault, I still have to let him know that if another Oz happens he'll wish I'd dusted him."  
  
Willow giggles while wiping away the rest of her tears.  
  
"I knew I could count on you for a good threat."  
  
"That's why they call me the slayer."  
  
"Yeah, do you think you could use a few of those slay techniques to get him to love me."  
  
"Oh, that won't be necessary. I have a feeling it'll work out in a few days."  
  
Willow frowns at Buffy's jubilant statement as Xander appears to join them for another all day shopping trip.  
  
})i({  
  
"Spike."  
  
He rolls ever and falls back asleep.  
  
"Spikey."  
  
"Not now, Dru."  
  
When his sleep fogged mind catches up with the implications of whom he just addressed, Spike jumps to his feet ready for any action. He sees a transparent Drusilla giggling at him from the door of his bedroom.  
  
"What the bloody hell are you doing here, Luv?"  
  
"You need my help, my Spikey."  
  
"No, I don't. Bugger off and go back to where ever you bloody drug yourself up from and leave me to my sleep."  
  
"Let me help. Let me take care of you. I only ever wanted my Spikey happy."  
  
"I'm not yours anymore, Dru."  
  
She starts to stroke his cheek. He marvels at her apparent corporal form despite being transparent in appearance.  
  
"No, you're HERS, the fiery one. Tell her. Be hers. Let her be yours. I want you to have everything I couldn't give you. I was never completely yours. She can be. You can be hers."  
  
"But?"  
  
"She was made for you long before you or I was ever made. You were made for her. Let go.stop running."  
  
"Dru?"  
  
"Let yourself be loved, Spikey. Maybe you don't have to be so strong anymore. Maybe you won't have to run away this time."  
  
"Dru?!"  
  
But then she was gone. Spike is left in his room, alone, in the middle of the day, feeling strangely empty, but strangely hopeful.  
  
})i({  
  
Xander shifts the car into park outside Spike's apartment. Before getting out to help Willow out of the car, he turns to her.  
  
"Buffy told me you two talked before I got there this morning."  
  
Willow groans.  
  
"Not you, too. Do I have to prove his worth to you, too? I'm sorry but I can't help who I love. It just happened."  
  
"I know, Wills. Look at me and Anya. She's an ex-demon; an ex-demon who got her jollies over destroying poor idiots like myself. But that's not what I was going to talk about. I approve. You have my blessing."  
  
Willow, following her typical pattern of late, starts to ball. Xander instantly throws an arm around her shoulder in true brotherly fashion.  
  
"You have no idea how much that means to me, Xand. Everything lately. I couldn't have made it without you."  
  
"I know. Just one of the charms of being the Xandman. I help. I heal. I do wonders!"  
  
Willow laughs a little.  
  
"Sorry, for being so maudlin as Spike puts it. Pregnant hormones and all that jazz."  
  
Willow gestures with her hands as she tries to explain.  
  
"Not a problem. Just another building to leap in a single bound for Super Xander."  
  
He hands her a tissue and continues to hold her tight.  
  
"I do think he loves you though Willow. It's the only reason I think he's worth it. Anyone that can see your Willowy charms under all the walls you put up has got to be a winner." "Xander."  
  
He puts up a hand to forestall any of the red head's arguments.  
  
"There are many things you can fake, Wills, looks, gestures, voice. It's called acting-something I would think vampires get very good at. Love as intense as his is for you is not one of them. What I see he could not be faking."  
  
"What do you see, Xander?"  
  
Hope shines in green eyes along with tears.  
  
"Love, plain and simple. Give him a little time, and it'll all come out."  
  
Willow absently rubs her enlarging belly.  
  
"I hope so. For the good of us all, I do hope so."  
  
})i({  
  
Joyce Summers opens her to door to find a dejected Spike standing on her doorstep. Wary from her last visit, she does not let him in right away.  
  
"Hullo, Joyce."  
  
"Spike."  
  
The blond bows his head and sighs. Joyce continues to stare at him unsure as to what he wants or what she should do. Maybe she has time to slam the door and call Buffy.  
  
"You wouldn't perchance have any hot chocolate?"  
  
Spike looks up into Joyce's eyes. She recognizes the forlorn look in his blue orbs.  
  
"Yes, Spike. Come on in."  
  
He follows her back to the kitchen where she begins to prepare the hot chocolate. Spike falls into one of the chairs at the bar.  
  
"What's wrong, Spike? Last time I heard you were running back to Drusilla to beat her back into loving you."  
  
He doesn't miss the slightly skeptical and sarcastic tone.  
  
"I tried. It just didn't work. Came back here, got a chip put in my head, now I can't harm a bloody thing. Surprised the Slayer hasn't filled you in on all my misfortune."  
  
Joyce comes over and pats his shoulder.  
  
"Buffy doesn't come around much anymore, but I remember her mentioning something about the chip and you helping Willow. I know you're going to hate me for saying this, but that's a wonderful thing you're doing for her."  
  
Spike shrugs. One of Joyce's eyebrows shoots up.  
  
"That's why you've come haven't you? So you fell in love with our Willow?"  
  
"Bollocks! Am I that obvious?"  
  
"No, just to a mother's trained eye. So what's the problem then, Spike?"  
  
More out of the habit to calm himself then the actual need for oxygen, Spike takes a deep breathe.  
  
"First, your daughter would bloody use my head for her punching bag if she found out. And I couldn't do that to Willow-not now-not after."  
  
"Oz?"  
  
Spike nods. Joyce brings over two mugs of hot chocolaty goodness with a large bowl of those little marshmallows and sets it all down. Spike reaches for a handful of marshmallows to put in his mug.  
  
"Maybe, that's a decision you have to leave up to those two. Maybe, you should let Willow make her own decisions. And have a little faith in Buffy."  
  
Spike raises his scarred eyebrow.  
  
"Alright, alright. Have faith that Buffy trusts and loves her best friend, even if she doesn't trust you. And give Willow the chance to be in love with you, too. Don't close yourself off just because you're worried she can't handle it. Willow's a strong girl. And love isn't love unless it's worth the risk."  
  
"Cor, Luv, I don't I know that. I'm more worried about myself. I've never.felt this way."  
  
"It's weird when you love someone more than yourself isn't it?"  
  
Spike takes a long swig of his cocoa before answering, trying to stall for time to think.  
  
"Yes, it is. It's the kind of thing I was searching so hard for when I was a human. Thought I found it twice, but it wasn't love with Cecily, and it wasn't love with Dru. It's just strange to know I love Willow."  
  
Joyce smiles tenderly.  
  
"Maybe, you're finally growing up."  
  
Spike chuckles.  
  
"Maybe. My dad always said it would be like this when I found her. But I got side-tracked while I was living with his death and taking care of the family. Then the whole being turned thing and Dru. Several people have been telling me to grow up lately, and if this is being mature then maybe I don't like it."  
  
"You've thought a lot about this, Spike."  
  
He looks up from the white puffs doing cocoa ballet in his cup.  
  
"I have. And it bleedin' hurts! All this thinking and being mature and grown up is for the dogs!"  
  
"You must really care for her."  
  
Spike is silent for several minutes.  
  
"You know, Joyce, I do. I really do. And it scares me because it's new. I got a chip, and it seems I got a whole new life."  
  
"I think you did, Spike. I think you did."  
  
She reaches out for his ice white hand.  
  
"But if you've been searching for this you're entire existence, don't you think it's time to stop running from love and maturity once you've found it."  
  
Again the blond is struck silent in contemplation.  
  
"I know it may hurt to think, but just do it a little more and think what you're life could be like if you embrace it completely and what it could be like without Willow."  
  
She leaves a pot of hot chocolate on the table along with the marshmallows then goes upstairs leaving Spike to his thoughts.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow opens her eyes when she feels Spike move from her feet to her back.  
  
"I've finally figured out the names."  
  
Spike grunts and keeps massaging her back.  
  
"Caleb William and Seth Alexander."  
  
Spike's magick hands stop their dutiful work.  
  
"Pet, you don't have to name one of your boys after me."  
  
"S'alright. I wanted to. You and Xander are my best male friends so you two get the prestigious position of the middle names."  
  
"Really, Little Owl, I don't think that's a good start for any little guy- being named after me."  
  
"Spike."  
  
She turns completely around to look him in the face.  
  
"I think it'll be a fine start for one of my boys."  
  
She lets the inference seep into Spike's brain. He smiles slowly and shakes his head.  
  
"Sometimes I wonder if you have entirely too much faith in me."  
  
"Never."  
  
Willow reaches up to pat his face then afterward turns back so he can resume working on her tense back. To her turned back he shakes his head and mouths the words I love you waiting for Dru and his sire to whisper I told you so in his head.  
  
})i({  
  
Once up the steps and in the apartment, Willow drops her bag unceremoniously to the ground and leans down to pet an exuberant Ty. He leads her to the kitchen where her nose tells her dinner is all ready. She sits down and digs into her dinner while Spike hangs up the phone. Ty settles in between them under the table.  
  
"You are a god, Spike."  
  
"Famished, Luv?"  
  
With her mouth full, Spike barely gets the gist of what she says next.  
  
"Esteme-hally."  
  
She swallows before finishing her thought.  
  
"Who was on the phone?"  
  
Spike makes a vague hand motion in the direction of the telephone.  
  
"No one, Red, just a wrong number."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Willow's tone of voice tells him she is anything but convinced. Spike, on edge that she might discover the secret, frowns.  
  
"Anyway, want to go looking for furniture tonight? I think Xander and I have covered all my clothes needs. But here I am less than three months away from delivery with no baby stuff. He keeps putting that off."  
  
"Good. I mean, no. I think we should stay in tonight."  
  
Willow glances at Spike with a calculating precision that makes him fidgety.  
  
"What's going on tonight that we should stay in?"  
  
"Well, nothing bad. But you've got to be tired. You were at the campus late. I can give you a rub down or we could finish going through the baby books."  
  
"Spike, you've read each of those books several times. You've been giving me tips on being pregnant. I feel fine. My energy is up. I'm for once not having an outrageous mood swing. Let's get outta this damn apartment!"  
  
Spike is taken aback by the force behind Willow's statement. He decides to pull out his wild card.  
  
"Little owl, I want to stay in because I have a surprise for you."  
  
In a fit of excitement, Willow pushes all of her suspicions to the back of her mind for future analysis.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well.um.It's a secret. Finish you're dinner then meet me at the TV."  
  
Spike jumps out of his chair and rushes to his room to find her surprise. Ty bounds after him. He pulls out a package from deep under his bed.  
  
"I hope this fools her for the time, boy."  
  
Ty nods in agreement then licks the vampire full on the face.  
  
"Whoa Ty! No need for a bath, you silly mutt."  
  
Ty just continues to pant happily and follows Spike out to the living room where Willow sits waiting.  
  
"Here you go, Luv."  
  
Without further embellishment, he hands off the bag to the anxious mother- to-be. She opens it to find two hand-made quilts just the size for small children.  
  
"Oh, Spike."  
  
Beyond her initial exclamation, she can't seem to form any words. Silently, she turns the blankets over and over in her hands. The soft fabric slips around her hands, and her eyes become lost in the bright patterns.  
  
"Found them while shopping one day. Just knew they'd be perfect."  
  
"They are perfect."  
  
Willow glances up at him with shining eyes. Ty adds a few barks from his place at her feet to show his approval.  
  
"Don't start crying on me, Little Owl."  
  
She sniffles.  
  
"Oh, I won't. I'll try to hold it in."  
  
She smiles at him. He smiles back. Suddenly, it all clicks. His life stare at him full in the face, daring him to take the next step, walking-to stop and take what is being handed to him; not turn and run from it. What is he brave enough to take? What is he ready to accept? Has he finally grown up? Grabbing the gift before him without hesitation, Spike grabs her hands and pulls her up and into his arms. His arms go possessively around her lower back.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"I love you, Willow."  
  
He pulls her tighter against him with each softly spoken word. This time, pressed tightly against him, the feel of his strong, soothing presence, the sound of a softly whispered declaration of love, the use of her real name, Willow is unable to control the emotions, and she bursts into the tears. Then everything goes white.  
  
})i({ })i({ 


	4. And You Can Tell Everybody That This Is ...

Part Three: And You Can Tell Everybody That This Is Your Song  
  
Once the blinding white light recedes, Willow opens her eyes to find herself in a completely white room. Several shadows, wisps of people long forgotten, stand before her. Their presence marked only because in this white world their souls cast shadow.  
  
"Welcome, Willow."  
  
Bewildered, Willow mouth agape just stands before the beings. They smile at each other then turn to her.  
  
"We, the old ones, have summoned you here."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"To give you something. Something you must have before you can ever truly love the vampire."  
  
"But I do love him. I don't need anything more than that."  
  
The shadows turn to each other again with a look that wonders at the follies of man.  
  
"Child, for all your deep wisdom you have much to learn."  
  
Another turns to her and speaks.  
  
"You have the wisdom of the ancient ones, passed down through the years to the men on earth who can use it to do the most good. But to love your vampire, you need absolute trust."  
  
"Something not easily given to your vampire."  
  
"Something not easily given by your vampire."  
  
Willow tries to follow the sounds around the rooms as the shadows speak to her.  
  
"We give you this, the gift of ultimate trust."  
  
"The ability for each of you to give up yourselves and rebuild in the wake of your love."  
  
Willow feels a cold object materialize in her hand. She glances down to see a green computer chip. Realization flashes across her eyes.  
  
"But why? Why would you remove his chip?"  
  
Another of the shadow beings addresses the witch.  
  
"Because it is time you learned his true nature. Good or evil?"  
  
"It is time to take all of him and trust he accepts all of you. Now you will know the true measure of his love; the true measure of the change you have wrought on him."  
  
"Sad times come ahead. Take comfort in each other. Go back to him and know."  
  
Each shadow in turn starts to fade. Willow soft voice stops them.  
  
"Why me? What do all of you care to do this for me?"  
  
"You are favored Willow-tree. You were made for him and him for you long before this world was conceived. You have the capacity for great joy and to give it to all around you."  
  
"You are the vessel of old knowledge. Take your blessings as they come to you. We, the old ones, will be there in the times ahead to guide you."  
  
"To what purpose?"  
  
"None of us know that. We help as we may."  
  
Then they were gone and again everything went white.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow returns to Spike's arms with no time passed. A rough, calloused hand strokes her hair while the other still holds her close. In her own hand around his back, the chip is still clasped. Choosing to keep her experience to herself, she speaks from her heart. Willow gives him everything she has.  
  
"I love you, Spike."  
  
Spike looks deep in her eyes searching for the but he heard in her voice. She takes the hand from her hair and opens it placing the chip inside.  
  
"Can you still love me?"  
  
Tearing his eyes away from hers, his eyes look into his hand. It takes him a moment before he understands what he is holding. Instantaneously though, he knows what to do. Willow taken by surprise finds Spike's lips attacking her own. He starts to devour her like a hungry man after 126 years of starvation.  
  
"I love you, Willow. Even without the chip. Even without a soul."  
  
Tears again make their way down Willow's cheeks.  
  
"Oh, you have a soul. I don't think it ever got run out. Maybe it was just hiding for awhile then came back when it was safe."  
  
Spike kisses her again. His hands then come up to wipe away the tears racing down her face.  
  
"Don't cry, Pet."  
  
"Can't help it. I'm pregnant. You would make a declaration of love to a girl with a delicate hormone balance."  
  
Spike shrugs. Attempting to gather her emotions, Willow wipes at her eyes and beams at her vampire.  
  
"Alright. Just as long as you remember I'm not the kind of girl for torture."  
  
Mirth bubbles up from Spike's nonexistent soul and out of his mouth in peals of laughter at the reference to his last few years with Dru.  
  
"Sure, Little Owl, I'll remember. Wait!"  
  
Quickly, Spike sets her down in a chair then runs off to his room. He returns seconds later with his guitar in hand.  
  
"I may never have been as good with words and my mum thought I was, but I can still sing."  
  
Willow leans against his shoulder arms tight around his waist while trying not to interfere with his playing. He then begins to sing the most wonderful song Willow has ever heard.  
  
Honey you are a rock  
  
Upon which I stand  
  
And I came here to talk  
  
I hope you understand  
  
The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you  
  
And how could, anybody, deny you  
  
I came here with a load  
  
And it feels so much lighter now I met you  
  
And honey you should know  
  
That I could never go on without you  
  
Green eyes  
  
Honey you are the sea  
  
Upon which I float  
  
And I came here to talk  
  
I think you should know  
  
The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find  
  
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind  
  
Because I came here with a load  
  
And it feels so much lighter since I met you  
  
Honey you should know  
  
That I could never go on without you  
  
Green eyes, green eyes  
  
Oh oh oh oh [x4]  
  
Honey you are a rock  
  
Upon which I stand  
  
Willow kisses him upon completion of the song-a kiss sweet and full of understanding.  
  
"Now I know your true character."  
  
Spike looks puzzled for a minute before his face clears. In his eyes shine an understanding centuries in the making.  
  
"It is in my character to love this way."  
  
Spike smiled heavenward as he holds his beloved tightly in his arms. Ty joins them on the couch to complete the happy family. Everything past, present, and future has finally come together. It may have taken him over one hundred years, but he finally got what his father was trying to tell him. He finally stopped running. And both of them have finally found what was missing.  
  
})i({  
  
"Hey Cordy!"  
  
Spike covers his ears and feigns deafness at Willow's shriek.  
  
"Wow, Willow, tone down the screams please."  
  
"Oops. Sorry, Cordelia. I'm a little over the top recently."  
  
Spike snickers. Willow throws her banana peel at him which he effortlessly catches.  
  
"S'ok, Wills. But at least you're back to normal food, right?"  
  
"Yup. Spike has gone back to the normal cooking."  
  
"You got Spike to cook for you?"  
  
"Yup, it's just one of the little ways he says he loves me."  
  
She winks at her vampire as he walks out of the room with a kiss to the top of her head.  
  
"Aww. don't make me puke."  
  
"Shut up, Cordy. You're just jealous."  
  
"Maybe. a little bit. Last boyfriend I had got me pregnant with his master's demon spawn. And let me tell you I don't think that one day pregnancy was as much fun as yours has been."  
  
Willow snorts.  
  
"I'm starting to wonder how women can have multiple single births. This is starting to kill me!"  
  
"Oh you know you love all the attention."  
  
"Maybe. So anyway, what's up?"  
  
"Oh yeah! The actual reason I called. I need to learn to stay on topic."  
  
"Cordelia Chase, you never really were."  
  
"Just stop right there."  
  
The red head giggles.  
  
"The real reason I called other than to be insulted was to see if Angel and I could come down in two weekends?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
Willow starts to bounce in her chair.  
  
"Will Spike care?"  
  
"Oh, I'll take care of the cantankerous old fogy. Don't worry."  
  
"Great! Oh, damn, I have another call. I'll call you back when we have more details!"  
  
Cordelia looks at her boss as she hangs up.  
  
"We're all set. She has no idea!"  
  
"Not yet, but she doesn't live with the most reliable of people."  
  
Angel steeples his hands under his chin.  
  
"Say it, Angel. They're just not living together anymore. They're dating. DA-TING. Come on say it."  
  
"Stop, Cordelia. I gave my blessing months ago. It's still just a shock how much things have changed."  
  
"The world does that sometimes. You walk out of your dark and dank office after a good brood, and you find that the world has revolved one more time and a different sun is shining."  
  
"Ha. Ha."  
  
Angel does however, smile at his employee.  
  
"Call Buffy and tell her we're all set."  
  
"Right-O, boss. I just can't wait to see the two of them together. They'll be so cute!"  
  
Cordelia prances off to her phone while Angel pretends to throw up behind her.  
  
Back in Sunndydale, Willow hangs up the phone then walks into the living room to watch TV. She walks in on Spike hanging up his cell phone. Her feet stop suddenly, rooting her in place.  
  
"When did you get a cell?"  
  
He rushes up to help her into a seat, but she doesn't move.  
  
"Come on, sit down, Little Owl."  
  
She lets him guide her into a sofa where he jumps in behind her to start a back rub. Although the massage is much needed, his actions are just a little too zealous.  
  
"Spike, when did you get a cell?"  
  
"Just the other day, Pet. Wanted you to be able to reach me at anytime, anywhere. You know, when the babies come."  
  
Willow doesn't remove the suspicious look from her face.  
  
"Then who were you calling just now?"  
  
Spike doesn't miss a beat or even stop to think.  
  
"Buffy. Needed to know if we were patrolling tonight or if there was research I needed to take you over for."  
  
Willow, however placated, is not fully satisfied. She leans back all the same into the comfort of Spike's strong, talented hands.  
  
"Is there?"  
  
"We need to be at Giles' after dark."  
  
"Ok. Wash my hair when we get back?"  
  
Spike stops his ministrations to look Willow in the eye. He raises one scarred eyebrow.  
  
"Pet?"  
  
"No, no. I can't stand in the shower very long anymore, so I was wondering if you could do my hair at the sink. No full-monty shower! I'm not ready yet."  
  
Willow finishes in a quiet voice unsure as to how Spike is taking the slow progression of the physical part of their two week relationship.  
  
"That's fine, Little Owl. I'll wash your hair even without the full-Willow- monty."  
  
He kisses her lightly on the ear.  
  
"Thanks, Spikey."  
  
He understands the real meaning of her thanks.  
  
"Only for you, Luv."  
  
The heavily pregnant girl settles back into her boyfriend's magick hands. The suspicion again pushed to the back of her mind while she basks in the glow of new love.  
  
})i({  
  
Spike reaches up to harshly rub the back of his neck. His eyes nor his posture were built for the marathon research sessions necessary for a vampire dating a member of Sunnydale's demon fighting team. Willow, herself tense and tired, looks up to the fidgeting Spike sitting next to her. Immediately, she takes over the task of soothing his twisted muscles. Willow knocks his hand aside and gently starts to smooth out the skin there. The blond closes his eyes in bliss and commences purring under his breath. Buffy's slayer hearing picks up the sound and once she finds the source smiles brightly. With a swift kick she alerts Anya who also starts 'aww'ing at the site. The new couple is oblivious to all but themselves. Giles walks in to see not a single person actually reading a book and makes a swift decision.  
  
"I think it's time we all head home."  
  
Five eyes turn to him.  
  
"G-man, it's pre-midnight. You've got to be playing some weird and not so funny joke on us."  
  
"No, Xander. It's late. We're all tired. I'm sure Willow needs some rest, and the lot of you can just head out too."  
  
Xander jumps up and grabs Anya's hand.  
  
"We better get going before the head guy changes his mind. Thanks, Wills."  
  
He leans down to give her a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Just knew you're being pregnant would be good for all of us."  
  
Willow giggles and pushes him back.  
  
"Get out, Xander."  
  
He takes the hint and pulls Anya out the door with him.  
  
"Guess that means patrol. Wills, I'll be by in the morning to take you to class."  
  
Buffy leans over and gives her best friend a squeeze.  
  
"Alright, Buff. Please be careful."  
  
"I always am."  
  
And with a last flourish, Buffy is out the door stake in hand.  
  
"Come on, Little Owl, that's our cue."  
  
With the utmost care, Spike stands then reaches down placing a hand behind Willow's back and grabbing one of her hands pulls her out of the couch. She gives him a tender smile of thanks. Giles gazes on barely containing his own smile. Ty gets up from his master's feet and follows her to the door.  
  
"Get home safely. We'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Willow begins to walk out the door while Spike hangs back. It takes until she is out into the courtyard and her dog start whining before she realizes her bodyguard is not with her. She glances back to see Spike conspiratorially exchanging quick words with Giles. Before she can storm in and demand and answer, Spike joins her outside and grabs her hand.  
  
"Ready for that full-montyless shower, Pet?"  
  
Wanting to keep the sweet moment, Willow files the conversation in her list of weird occurrences from the past few weeks.  
  
"Yeah, Spike. Let's go home."  
  
Willow, caught deep in the swirling mists of her ever working brain, keeps silent the entire way home. She keeps going over all the strange things happening lately: "wrong" phone numbers, new cell phones, hushed conversations. She can't make heads or tails of it. What is going on?  
  
"We're home, Luv. Why don't you go slip into your pjs, and I'll get the shampoo."  
  
Her red head shoots up staring at the comforting space of their living room. She didn't realize they had walked in the front door and up the stairs.  
  
"Alright. I'll be back in a minute."  
  
Ten minutes later finds the witch in a chair propped over the kitchen sink; her vampire with his hands deep in her hair, calloused fingers massaging the shampoo deep into her scalp with the dog's head in her lap. She is the poster girl for relaxing spa treatment.  
  
"May I say that I adore your hands, Spikey."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"They're rough and strong."  
  
"Pet, I think we've had this conversation before."  
  
Willow giggles.  
  
"Maybe, but now I'm at greater liberty to gush."  
  
Spike shakes his head and keeps working the shampoo through Willow's dirty locks. Once finished he rinses then begins with the conditioner. Willows eyes fall close with a sigh.  
  
"Tired, Luv?"  
  
"Mmhmm."  
  
The capacity to form a coherent thought leaves Willow swiftly. Spike finishes with the conditioner then rinses again. When his hands move to sit Willow up, he finds her sound asleep in the chair. With an amused smile, Spike swoops down and pulls her into his arms. He takes her into her room and lays her on her bed. Ty appears in the doorway looking for some loving of his own and possibly to chaperone. As gently as possible he towel dries her hair then braids it.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Willow rolls over closer to him.  
  
"Love you, too."  
  
Spike bends down to kiss her before he can stand to leave however, a hand catches him.  
  
"Stay."  
  
"Sure, Pet."  
  
Quickly, he runs to his room, changes, and returns to snuggle with his witch. After Spike pushes the dog aside and gets under the covers, Willow creeps over and entangles herself with him.  
  
"Thanks for the hair wash."  
  
"Only for you, Little Owl."  
  
Willow smiles and burrows deeper into him. Savoring the trust gifted him by his red head, Spike lets sleep carry him swiftly away.  
  
})i({  
  
A parenting book in one hand, Willow absently strokes Spike's hair where he lays with Ty listening intently to her womb. She glimpses down at her vampire content in the tender domestic moment. Suddenly though, the hair she strokes is light brown, not white blond and curly, not strait. His shirt is white and home-sewn, not prefabricated black. The dog is gone from the bed. A voice she recognizes as belonging to an old one floats to her. What could have been.what you have been waiting for. Another message.  
  
The entire room changes then, and she is in a four poster bed in some long forgotten Victorian room. A gold ring sits on her ring finger, left hand- the hand running through hair. The man with curly brown hair listens attentively to her bare stomach and strokes it with a left hand equally adorned in gold. Her husband. His children. Their home. It all comes together. She sees a glimpse of a past that should have been hers, that could have been hers despite a few mistakes on William's part. A past she can now have. The little red head can finally stop waiting.  
  
With one final look, Willow comes back to herself. The book tumbles from her hands. Spike looks up.  
  
"What's wrong, Little Owl?"  
  
Willow smiles and lays her hand against his cheek.  
  
"I was made for you. I've been waiting for you for much longer that this lifetime."  
  
Spike looks puzzled. Ty's own expression echoes Spike's concern.  
  
"Luv, you alright?"  
  
"Just realized something. I'm perfect now, Spikey."  
  
His face clearly tells her he doesn't believe her. Willow tries to explain.  
  
"You and me have been waiting for each other for a long time. You just took a little while to mature. You kept me waiting."  
  
"Wait a second here, Pet. You make me sound retarded."  
  
Her hand comes to lie over his heart.  
  
"When it comes to this, you can be. Promise not to lock me up if I tell you something."  
  
While sitting up and pulling Willow against him, Spike nods.  
  
"Absolutely, Little Owl."  
  
"I've been visited by the Old Ones, guides from the PTB. They removed your chip and gave it to me when you told me the big news. Just now, well, they explained we have a history longer than these few years."  
  
"Whoa."  
  
"That's what I thought, but they also insinuated all of this was supposed to happen before. We were meant for each other before you were turned, but things got a little mixed up."  
  
"Cecily."  
  
"And Dru. So we're kinda on try number two."  
  
Spike draws her closer, unwilling to believe he could have missed her in a previous existence.  
  
"William was a bloody fool."  
  
"Just see that you don't repeat it, Mister."  
  
Willow winks at him.  
  
"Never, Little Owl."  
  
He leans in to kiss her. Willow smiles with his last whispered words.  
  
"It's right this time."  
  
})i({  
  
Spike closes Giles' door after Ty then grabs the hand of the pregnant woman next to him. He stops though when he spies her nails.  
  
"Hmm, Luv. I think it's time to fill these in."  
  
"You can do that when we get home. I just haven't had the time with finals coming up for you to do it."  
  
Spike brings her hand up to his lips and kisses the back of it.  
  
"You can take a nap while I do it."  
  
"Alright."  
  
To reaffirm his assumption, Willow leans against him as they walk. The dog, trailing behind under the pretence of sniffing a snail, watches under hooded eyes with the devious purpose of chaperoning his master.  
  
"Spikey?"  
  
"Yeah, Pet?"  
  
"Would your family have liked me?"  
  
"Angel likes you fine. And I think Dru does too. Don't know about Darla- hard to say who that bitch would have liked."  
  
Willow giggles and cuddles deeper into Spike's side prompting him to drop her hand and drape his arm around her.  
  
"Yeah, Little Owl, Mum would have loved you. My little sisters, too."  
  
"Good."  
  
He gives her a slight nudge.  
  
"What about your dad? When do I get to meet him?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. I have a lunch date with him in a few days. You can come."  
  
"Unless you want to introduce me as Mr. Big Pile of Dust then I'll have to decline."  
  
"Oh, hmm. Well then, I'll ask him to dinner. You can cook for us."  
  
"Bloody Hell!"  
  
Willow sneaks an impish look up at her vampire and adds a sharp jab to his side. He shakes his head and leans in for a quick peck on the lips. A few feet back, Ty is amused.  
  
"Sure, Pet. I'll feed you and your dad. Just call him and set it up."  
  
"Goody. He's been asking me who I live with, but I keep skirting around the questions."  
  
"Probably more like stammering and blushing until he just drops the subject."  
  
Another sharp jab gets placed in his side.  
  
"Careful, Little Owl. Don't want to beat up your source of food."  
  
"Whatever. Will you take me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow?"  
  
He nods. They continue on in familiar, comfortable silence. After spending sometime wondering through her thoughts, the file containing all of her suspicions comes foreword. An idea meant to draw out the truth pops into her head.  
  
"Why are Angel and Cordy really coming?"  
  
To his credit, Spike doesn't falter.  
  
"To see you, annoy me, visit their friends."  
  
"There's nothing else."  
  
"No."  
  
Willow falls silent. Something is definitely going on through, she is sure of it. Spike's voice lacks its usual venom when speaking about his sire. She keeps silent however just letting the wheels turn in her head. They arrive home without incident, and while Spike does her nails, Willow comes up with schemes to ferret out what everyone is doing behind her back.  
  
})i({  
  
Willow sets down her bowl of cereal on the table. In front of her she finds five brightly colored envelopes. Hesitant the redhead looks around to the empty apartment. Ty and her vampire are still asleep. The door is locked and she cannot see any visible forced entry.  
  
"Sunday morning at ten and you're sitting at a table with five cards and no reasonable explanation for them while living atop a hell mouth. What do you do?"  
  
Her hand answers her mouth and mind and reaches out to grab the envelopes. On the cover are various versions of her name, from Wills to Little Owl. Upon opening the first one she finds a Mother's Day card. With speed unbecoming an eight month pregnant woman, she runs to the calendar. Sure enough, it is Mother's Day. Willow goes back to the table. After opening each of the cards, she has a complete collection from Spike, Xander and Anya, Buffy and Riley, Giles, and even her father.  
  
"Surprised, Pet?"  
  
She looks over at Spike in the doorway. Willow nods.  
  
"Couldn't sleep?"  
  
"I smelled your tears. Your lazy dog however was able to ignore you and keep sleeping."  
  
He comes over and kneels before her. One perfect, sexy hand comes up to wipe away the wetness on her face.  
  
"You people really shouldn't do this to a volatile pregnant woman."  
  
"Sorry we'll remember to consider that next time. No more cards. Just ignorance for you next time."  
  
Willow smiles.  
  
"It's so nice of everyone to send me cards."  
  
Spike takes her hands.  
  
"Why do you find it so hard to believe that people care deeply about you?"  
  
The witch shrugs.  
  
"Never found much special about myself. I'm just me, plain old Willow."  
  
"No, Little Owl, you are not special. You are so much more than extraordinary. And if we have to remind you everyday, we will until you believe it."  
  
Tears start afresh in her eyes.  
  
"And I'll bring all the tissues you need."  
  
Willow lets out a huge laugh. Spike pulls her into his arms. Ty, finally awake, comes up and starts to snuggle his head into her lap. She looks up and begins to pet him.  
  
"Aren't we the happy family?"  
  
"Yes, Little Owl, we are."  
  
})i({  
  
Willow wakes up from her after class nap and realizes several things.  
  
She is bathed in fading sunlight.  
  
"Spike must be in his room."  
  
It's Friday.  
  
"Angel and Cordy will be here soon."  
  
She is talking to herself.  
  
"Ty. I really need to watch that."  
  
But her dog does not respond. Not for lack of proper vocal cords or know- how, but because after glancing around Willow cannot find her canine friend.  
  
"I guess Spike has you. Stupid Vampire! Stealing my dog!"  
  
She walks to his room to peak in. However it being daylight and the warehouse having limited sewer access, Spike is not in his room, nor is he in her room when she looks or the bathroom. Willow, getting worried, goes down to the garage and storage rooms. She finds his car but no Spike. In fact, back in the kitchen, she comes to the conclusion that he is not in the building. Now sweaty and tired, she falls into a chair.  
  
"Where *are* you?"  
  
It feels better to state it out loud rather than let her mind run rampant with horrifying possibilities. Before her mouth or her mind can take her imagination far she hears reality downstairs slamming through the front door. Furious pounding feet follow the slammed door. A blond head pops up, but it is not the vampire she was furiously looking for. Buffy comes over immediately and grabs Willow's hands.  
  
"Come on, Wills, we gotta go. There's been. Spike."  
  
Despite her girth, Willow is up and rushing down the stairs with Buffy in seconds praying everything is alright.  
  
})i({  
  
Xander opens the door in a festive blue party hat to Cordelia and Angel on Giles' front step.  
  
"Deadboy, Cordy! Welcome to part-AY central! Aka G-man's house!"  
  
Angel catches the blatant eye roll Giles makes as he walks by behind Xander with a wrapped package. He and Cordy walk in and add their own to the overflowing mound of gifts in the living room. Spike stands there making last minute tweaks to the arrangement. Ty sniffs the two new arrivals to determine their status as friend or foe. Once satisfied of their good intentions towards his master, he returns to the door to wait for her.  
  
"Whoa, Junior, if you don't stop looking at the presents, they might get up and walk away."  
  
Spike gives Xander the finger. The brunette just shrugs and settles by Anya to convince her and Cordelia to wear a party hat. But both girls will have none of it.  
  
"Come on, Ladies, it's for Will."  
  
"Xander Harris, I don't care who it's for. I am not wearing a party hat. It took me two hours to do my hair as it is."  
  
"Three, Cordelia, you were three hours late to leave."  
  
Cordelia shakes her head in a knowing manner at Angel.  
  
"The first hour was spent trying to finish packing. I only spent two on my hair."  
  
Angel holds up a hand to his mouth.  
  
"One hour packing? Call Guinness! We may have a new record."  
  
Cordelia grabs the hat from Xander, plops it on her head, and starts to sulk. Triumphant, Xander turns to his girlfriend.  
  
"Fine, I have no need to rehash my packing and/or hair preparation time. I'll wear the damn party hat."  
  
With the grace of a receiver, the brunette is up and doing a victory dance in seconds. Everyone, in unison, shakes their head. Before he can take any farther however, Spike and Angel perk up at the sounds of a car pulling in.  
  
"She's here. Everyone ready!"  
  
Each person ducks into their preordained hiding spot as Buffy brings Willow to the apartment. Spike can hear Willow's frantic badgering for information even from inside. Her chattering however halts when she steps inside and everyone jumps up. Ty jumps from the kitchen and starts barking.  
  
"Surprise!"  
  
Willow fails to be able to form a coherent word.  
  
"Wha? Huh? Hmm?"  
  
Spike walks over to her and takes her from Buffy while her dog beings barking and jumping for her attention.  
  
"Surprise, Pet. A baby shower for you."  
  
In site of what Spike might expect, Willow smacks him on the shoulder.  
  
"Buffy said you were in *trouble*. Not throwing a party. I was sooo worried. I should just walk out for that."  
  
Despite his better judgment, Spike can't help but smile.  
  
"Sorry, Little Owl. We couldn't think of any better way to get you here."  
  
"Umph!"  
  
Willow hits him again then looks to the other faces in the room.  
  
"Shame on you all! One of these days you're gonna give the pregnant lady a heart attack! Then we'll see how your consciences fare!"  
  
No one though, looks even mildly sheepish. Willow finally seeing Cordelia and Angel however forgets her ire and forgives them all.  
  
"Cordy! Angel!"  
  
Both are engulfed in bear size hugs from the petit mother-to-be.  
  
"So this is the real reason you came."  
  
"Sorry we had to hide it from you, Wills."  
  
"We came down especially for you however you spell it, Willow."  
  
"Right, right. We're all real contrite and real happy. Why don't get on with the festivities."  
  
Willow smiles over at her vampire then finally leans down to give Ty some love. A little put out, he doesn't respond with much fervor.  
  
"Fine then, show me my presents."  
  
Xander, Anya, and Giles step aside to show her the mound of presents waiting for her.  
  
"Whoa."  
  
Buffy comes up and hugs her from behind.  
  
"But first you have to eat some of the food I made."  
  
"Not if you don't want me to deliver two corpses."  
  
Buffy pokes Willow in her bulging stomach.  
  
"Come on Wills. I know you're hungry so let's have dinner before you jump in the swimming pool of presents Spike has amassed over there."  
  
"But I wanna open presents!"  
  
Ty adds a few barks to aid his indignant master.  
  
"Come on! You know, it's tradition. At every party you have ever been to, the guest of honor has to eat and schmooze first before any presents can be opened."  
  
Willow looks over to see everyone already sitting down with an empty chair between Spike and Angel at Giles' dinning room table. With a greatly exaggerated sigh, she allows Buffy to move her over to her seat where Spike pulls back the chair for her to sit down.  
  
"I don't see why we're starting to depend upon tradition around here though."  
  
Xander leans conspiratorially across the table.  
  
"Just so we can keep your panties in a twist that much longer."  
  
Willow throws a grape at him.  
  
})i({  
  
Later, when mounds of wrapping paper now accompany the mounds of presents, with Willow sitting nestled between Spike's legs while he soothingly rubs her stomach and Ty playing with a baby rattle, Angel sits back to watch. Adequate time to watch his childe and watch his friend. Amongst all the hullabaloo-Xander animating various stuffed animals to make them act out Buffy's latest slaying foray, Anya and Cordelia laughing at him, Buffy trying out Willow's brand new rocker-Spike and Willow sit calmly, quietly, attention only on each other. And for all this trust in Willow, even after all that he has seen between them, Angel can't let the protective side of him go. He doesn't want to trust that Spike could have changed; could have been a more mature vampire than himself. Angel needed a soul to change. Spike only needed one sprite of a girl. It compounds Angel's guilt and sense of evil. But as he watches Willow reach back to stroke white blonde hair, Angel finds it increasingly difficult to find the evil within the vampire. Not even Drusilla had been permitted to touch Spike's hair. The look on each of their faces, the tenderness in each touch, and the sheer ease with which they interact makes Angel's heart ache for something similar in his own life.  
  
"It's hard to hate him anymore isn't it?"  
  
Giles hands Angel a drink. The souled vampire nods.  
  
"I gave my consent because I trusted Willow. I never thought I'd see the day when I would trust Spike."  
  
"I think before she gives birth you should let her know that. Whatever good intentions you two declared upon your first visit, the lack of follow-up has not gone unnoticed. Your disapproval still weighs heavily upon her. "  
  
Angel winces.  
  
"What about the rest of you?"  
  
"We gave in to the truth a long time ago."  
  
Again he nods his head.  
  
"I will talk to her. And him. It's time I start keeping my own promises."  
  
The watcher smiles as Angel goes over to sit down near the couple to start a conversation. Giles continues his own silent watch over them all.  
  
})i({  
  
Spike looks up form the notebook on the table in front of him when Willow walks in. Willow goes up and stands over him. One hand finds his shoulder while the other sneaks into his hair to comb through it.  
  
"What are you up to?"  
  
"Just writing, Pet."  
  
The witch smiles. Deciding to give her feet a rest, she sits down. The hand in his hair moves to his neck to rub it while the other braces herself on the table.  
  
"Will you read it to me?"  
  
"No."  
  
She takes the pen out of his hand to clasp it in her own.  
  
"I like your poetry, Spike."  
  
He smiles shyly.  
  
"I like you, Spikey."  
  
He smiles.  
  
"Alright, when I'm finished."  
  
"Goody!"  
  
She claps her hands.  
  
"One day you're going to be the death of me. I can't deny you a thing."  
  
"I know. I've worked hard to get you under the control of my Willowy- charms."  
  
"You mean your spells, Witch."  
  
She sticks her tongue out at him.  
  
"Not that I mind all the time."  
  
Her vampire waggles his eyebrows. He then gives her a quick kiss on her belly and turns his head back to his work, keeping one hand on her swollen stomach.  
  
"The little buggers are coming soon, right?"  
  
"Should be any day. My doctor doesn't expect me to carry to full term. And now that I have everything any mother would need for ten children they can come."  
  
Without looking up, Spike smirks.  
  
"Better everyone else spending money on you versus me."  
  
"Whatever Spike, most of that stuff was from you anyway."  
  
He shrugs his shoulders.  
  
"Why don't you go and keep nesting then and let me finish here."  
  
She takes his subtle hint and goes back to the nursery to keep putting away the mounds of toys, sleepers, matching outfits, and adorable little socks.  
  
})i({  
  
"No, Buffy, not yet. Don't you think I would have called you if there had been any change?"  
  
"Of course Wills, I just wanted to check in since your warden has you on bed arrest."  
  
Willow looks up from the hem of the blanket she was fiddling with to the "warden" with blonde hair trying to pick out a movie for her to watch. Ty sits next to him trying to add his own input.  
  
"Buffy, we will call you. Right now though I just wanna watch a movie not be on the phone with my very annoying best friend."  
  
"Willooooow.I can't stand this suspense. Can't you just pop 'em out now?"  
  
"Surely, I'll just tell my body to go into labor and then poof! Two brand new twins just at your leisure."  
  
"Excellent. So I should be meeting you at the hospital now then?"  
  
"Good bye, Buffy. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Bye, Wills. Be good and be comfortable."  
  
"Right."  
  
Two phones click off. Spike walks over with the TV/VCR remote in hand.  
  
"Buffy's getting impatient."  
  
"What's new?"  
  
Willow smacks her vampire.  
  
"Come on, Little Owl, delicate skin. Remember?"  
  
Willow just smacks him again. Ty, for affect, adds his own playful swipe.  
  
"Alright, Luv, enough of the physical abuse from you and your dog. Let's just watch the movie."  
  
"You just want a truce because you know that I could take you any day."  
  
"Yup, that's exactly it. You and the mutt."  
  
He presses 'play' and pulls the red head to him. Willow gives up the banter and settles down as comfortably as possible with her men, sending her own impatient pleas to the goddess for a delivery soon.  
  
})i({  
  
Spike looks to his left at the dozing red head on the bed.  
  
"Keep playing, Spike. It's soothing."  
  
He brushes a lock of fire hair from her sweaty face.  
  
"You sure we shouldn't go to the hospital, Little Owl?"  
  
"I'm sure. It's just something I ate that the boys don't like."  
  
Spike frowns but nevertheless returns to his guitar. After a few more songs he looks back to her when her breathing changes. Thinking she has finally fallen asleep, he drops his guitar when he sees her struggling for breath and a pool of bloody liquid staining the sheets between her legs.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
Pulling on every ounce of will, Spike keeps his voice steady and calm.  
  
"S'alright, Little Owl. We'll just get you to the hospital, and it will all be alright."  
  
Somehow though, as he reassured his witch, Spike couldn't bring himself to believe his own words.  
  
})i({  
  
Cordelia's hand comes down hard against Angel's cheek. The vampire jumps up instantly ready for a fight.  
  
"Finally. God, you would think that you're body completely shuts down in sleep. I've been yelling at you for at least a minute now."  
  
"So you thought that smacking your boss would be the next logical course of action?"  
  
"Angel we have to go."  
  
The quiet, barely disguised desperation in Cordelia's voice brought him up short.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Willow."  
  
Uncharacteristically thanking his vampric nature for its speed, Angel vaults out of bed and made ready to depart. As he and Cordelia jumps into his car he sends a silent prayer up to whomever would listen that Willow's condition is not as bad as Cordelia's face warns him it is.  
  
})i({  
  
Spike unconsciously lights his new cigarette off of the last one. The nurse at the station gives him a scathing look but refuses to put her life in jeopardy again to tell him off for smoking in a hospital. She instead contents herself with shooting stakes at the vampire's head who is currently doing his damnedest to wear a hole in the cheap, sterile, white linoleum flooring. Said vampire however, couldn't give a damn about what the nurse thinks of him. Running through his head is the redhead currently in surgery.  
  
"Bloody arses. Won't let me in with my Little Owl."  
  
He barely keeps shackles on the anger and frustration and worry boiling his borrowed blood. He looks around the empty waiting room willing her friends to show up so he had something to distract himself with. Xander is working. Buffy is patrolling. Giles and Anya had been unreachable. Spike even called his sire and his bint to come up, but they wouldn't be there for hours yet. An increasingly nagging and terrifying voice in the back of his head keeps whispering that none of them would be there in time. He wouldn't admit it yet, but as the minutes ticked by more and more of him starts to realize that Willow is dying, and he is going to be the only one by her side. She deserves to have all who love her by her side to speed her painlessly on her way.  
  
"But all she fucking gets is pain and blood and labor and a soulless demon."  
  
More time crawls by; Spike continues to chain smoke; the nurse continues to glare; and still none of the messages he left on half a dozen phones are answered. His body becomes more and more anxious as he starts to feel Willow's spirit fade. The presence he has felt so strongly for months now does not shine quite so bright. The irrational part of his brain-the part denying that she is dying-wonders fleetingly how Ty is doing at home.  
  
Eventually Willow's severe looking doctor makes her way into the waiting room and addresses Spike.  
  
"I'm not going to lie to you."  
  
"Thanks, Doc. I appreciate it."  
  
"The boys are fine. Despite the difficult birth they are healthy and should be fine to go home in a few days."  
  
Spike releases a tightly held breath. Hope starts to soar in his heart despite the doctor's first ominous greeting. If the boys are fine, then their mother should be too. They, he and Willow, could deal with any medical difficulty together.  
  
"Willow however, will not make it through the night."  
  
All of Spike's muscles stopped working simultaneously. He couldn't seem to keep himself upright and collapses into the chairs.  
  
"But you said the boys are alright."  
  
"Yes, they are. The labor was difficult and while they were born safely afterwards a lot of complications arose. We rushed her into surgery but have only bought her enough time to say goodbye. I'm very sorry. It may be time to notify the rest of her family and friends."  
  
Mutely, Spike nods. With a great effort of will he forces himself to speak after a few minutes.  
  
"I have. They'll be here as soon as possible. Can I see her?"  
  
"She is waiting. She's on a lot of medication to keep her comfortable."  
  
Spike again nods and follows the doctor to Willow's room. When he enters, he barely chokes back a gag at the pale and clammy face that greets him. He doesn't want to believe she is dying, but as he stares at her face-the mirror of death herself-he can no longer disillusion himself. The part of him that still holds onto some semblance of hope, the irrational part, however, notices that her nails need refilling. That part of his being makes a mental note to bring his supplies so he can do that for her while she recovers.  
  
"Willow."  
  
The strangled sob startles her. It's the first time he has ever spoken her name. The significance is not lost on her, and she holds out her hand to him. Quickly, unquestioningly, he takes it and settles himself in a chair beside her bed.  
  
"You gotta get quick soon, Little Owl."  
  
"Spike."  
  
"I'm going to make you so happy. We're going to be so happy now that our family is complete. I promise."  
  
Willow reaches out to her vampire.  
  
"I just can't do it alone. Please, Pet, don't leave me alone. You've got to get better."  
  
Overcome and unable to stand up against the deluge, Spike breaks down in tears. With a gentle acceptance one would expect from her, Willow's eyes remain dry. She picks up his chin with one hand and holds one of his hands close to her breast with her other.  
  
"Spikey listen to me. I don't have much time. I know that. But if it means my little boys will live then it's ok. Spike, you were right. It's all going to be alright."  
  
"I don't want your little boys. I need you, Little Owl."  
  
"Shh, Spike. We can't change this. You can't change love. I love my boys so I gave them my life. I love you so I give you my boys. I give you everything left of me in this existence."  
  
Spike moans in despair.  
  
"Little Owl, don't give me the boys. Don't let a fucking soulless demon take care of your gift."  
  
She grabs his other hand and brings it to join the other one. Squeezing hard, Willow manages to comfort him.  
  
"A soul does not make you human-good or bad. It is the choices you make. And Spike, you have chosen to have a beautiful soul. Teach that to my sons. Teach them to call you dad. I could not think of anyone I would want more to show them all the love we have for each other. Tell them about me. I'll be watching you three from where ever I go."  
  
She moves a hand to wipe at the tears running rampant down his cheeks.  
  
"God, Willow, I won't let them take you from me. I need you here. Your boys need you here."  
  
She just smiles. Her sunshine does not last long before her body is wracked with pain.  
  
"Spike, tell the others I love them. You'll need help so tell them I said they should help you."  
  
"I tried.I called.I tried to get them here. Angel and Cordy are on there way."  
  
"Spikey."  
  
She silences again as another shudder rips through her. It is not long now. She can feel her spirit stretching its wings; her soul preparing to meet her goddess.  
  
"They won't make it. You'll have to tell them."  
  
The tears start to ebb as he realizes she's slipping from him. Reaching up, Spike grabs the hand on his cheek and brings it to his lips.  
  
"I never thought I could love like this."  
  
"Well, I never thought you would grow up so we're even."  
  
Despite the gravity of the moment, Spike laughs.  
  
"How am I going to do without you?"  
  
"You won't have to. You'll have two pieces of me with you always. And I'll never really be gone. Life is a circle. It turns and returns. You'll see me again one day."  
  
Willow clenches her eyes tightly to stave off the oncoming tremor. It however, overtakes her anyway and her body is thrown into a shuddering fit. Her hands grow slack in Spike's, and he cuddles her closer trying to take the pain from her body. Precious seconds later, when the fit ends, her body goes slack in his arms. He looks to her face to say something comforting and with a horrifying gasp finds a lack of light in her eyes. The beautiful soul that once wrapped him up and warmed him is gone. The tears come back in a rush of cold. He crawls into bed trying to gather up the last traces of her. He didn't even get one last chance to tell her he loves her. And without her quite response in kind, he can't seem to confront the cold empty feeling welling up inside of him.  
  
})i({  
  
Hours later after the rest of the Scooby gang start arriving home to the frantic messages on their machines then desperately start calling each other, they all meet at the nurse's station at the hospital.  
  
"Rosenburg?"  
  
The nurse looks down at her clipboard at Xander's question.  
  
"Down the hall. Maternity ward. Room 403."  
  
The group of four rush down to room 403. It is not however, a room with a bed. It is a wide room with a dozen or so small beds filled with little babies. They find Spike in front of the glass staring at two in particular.  
  
"Spike, where is Willow?"  
  
"Why did they direct us here instead of her room?"  
  
Buffy's and Xander's questions are met with stony silence. It is only after Giles's repeatedly calls his name that he snaps out of his stupor.  
  
"They're all that are left of her now. She died about an hour ago."  
  
No one speaks. No one questions. Staring at the evidence of her life before them, they can't bring themselves to believe that she is really gone.  
  
})i({  
  
Angel walks into Spike's apartment to find him lying on the sofa with two small infants. Ty is nowhere to be seen. Angel presumes he is still pining away under his master's bed.  
  
"How are the boys?"  
  
"Right as rain. Their doctor says they're gonna be right little bastards when they get moving around."  
  
Angel nods.  
  
"Spike, I.uh."  
  
The brunette vampire stops to try to collect his thoughts.  
  
"Spike, you can't shut yourself in here forever. Everyone else wants to help you with the boys. They want to spend time with the boys. And you need some time to yourself."  
  
Spike grunts.  
  
"They're my boys. It's my feelings. I'll deal with it."  
  
"Willow wouldn't have wanted to you waste away."  
  
Spike growls.  
  
"Think about it. Cordelia and I are going home soon and we'd like to spend time with you and them before we leave. You've denied everyone from seeing the twins for almost a month. You can't bury yourself in them. You can't deny Willow's friends from seeing her children. You need each other to pull through this. We all need each other."  
  
Spike's next growl catches in his throat at the sadness in Angel's eyes. He looks up from the tuft of read hair on his chest to his sire's eyes.  
  
"I don't know any other way to go on."  
  
"That's why you need your friends. That's why the twins need their aunts and uncles. Don't throw away all that Willow gave you just because you don't like this hand you've been dealt. She taught you to love it all-good and bad. She taught you to grow up."  
  
Angel leans down to wipe the tears from his childe's face, gives a quick kiss to each baby, then leaves.  
  
})i({  
  
A sharp cry brings Spike awake. Before he can settle back into slumber a second joins the chorus. With a sigh, he grabs his guitar and makes his way to the nursery. Lying red-faced and crabby are two boys both with red hair and green eyes.  
  
"Not sleeping well, I see."  
  
Spike settles into the rocker in the middle of the room. Somehow anticipating what was to come, both boys quiet immediately.  
  
"Just like you mother. Hmmm. She always said the guitar comforted you two."  
  
Tears wet his eyes at the thought of Willow.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll play you a few then."  
  
Closing his eyes in concentration, choking back a sob, he picks out a song and starts to play.  
  
I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong  
  
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy  
  
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen  
  
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in  
  
May God's love be with you  
  
Always  
  
May God's love be with you  
  
I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes  
  
'Cause when you showed me myself I became someone else  
  
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need  
  
I picture you fast asleep  
  
A nightmare comes  
  
You can't keep awake  
  
May God's love be with you  
  
Always  
  
May God's love be with you  
  
'Cause if I find  
  
If I find my own way  
  
How much will I find  
  
If I find  
  
If I find my own way  
  
How much will I find  
  
You  
  
I don't know anymore  
  
What it's for  
  
I'm not even sure  
  
If there is anyone who is in the sun  
  
Will you help me to understand  
  
'Cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need  
  
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for  
  
Any more than me  
  
May God's love be with you  
  
Always  
  
May God's love be with you  
  
When finished, he quietly gets up and looks at the two nestled against each other fast asleep in the crib. After laying his guitar against the wall, his hands reach down to softly stroke each boy's head. A few tears well up in his eyes. But the cold that had overcome him, the cold that had come in and taken up residence in his soul when his sun died recedes a little. He doesn't feel so alone at the moment. In the faces of the two small babies in front of him, he can almost see their mother. He can almost feel her near. If he weren't so consumed in grief and unwilling to trust himself, he could almost sense her coming back to him. And despite the price, despite everything he has had to give up, Spike realizes that he likes being grown up. He likes facing things and dealing with them-being able to see the miraculous and beautiful experiences in front of him. He enjoys being firmly planted in one spot instead of running.  
  
Tomorrow, Spike decides he'll call the entire gang and have them over. 


End file.
